


I Care About You

by Blake_the_insomniac



Series: The Soulmate AU [1]
Category: Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, Paramore, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Abusive Father, Abusive Parents, Abusive Relationships, Angst, Anxiety, Bisexual Josh Dun, Blurryface, Bottom Tyler, Brendon Urie - Freeform, Domestic Violence, Drummer Josh, F/F, Fluff, Gay Josh, Gay Tyler, Homophobia, Jealous Tyler, M/M, OCD, Original Character(s), bean tyler, brallon, emotional tyler, high brendon, high josh, homophobic parents, im sorry, josh dun - Freeform, joshler - Freeform, soulmark, super gay, tyler joseph - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2017-03-19
Packaged: 2018-10-03 18:55:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 17
Words: 41,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10255130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blake_the_insomniac/pseuds/Blake_the_insomniac
Summary: Bailey and Josh have been friends since the beginning, so when they both get their soulmarks on the same day they both are changed for the worse and better. What happens when Josh's soulmate is the straightest guy in high school, and captain of the varsity basketball team? What happens when Bailey's soulmate is nice in the beginning, and Bailey falls too hard?Also known as "That gosh dang cutest fanfic of the century" by my best friend, Meggo.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh gets his mark  
> Bailey gets her mark  
> then they get high!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of chapter one has been edited for those who haven't seen it yet.

Bailey’s POV:

_ There’s a phenomenon that’s always been around. No one knows why, or how, it just happens.  _

_ At some time during your teenage life, you get your soulmate's name carved in black ink into your skin where they first touch you. It’s called your ‘soulmark’. If you were to get your soulmate’s name on your shoulder. The first time you and your soul mate touch, they would touch your shoulder with whatever body part your name was on. The name on your skin was in their handwriting too. It was a rumor that when you touch for the first time, it sent a shock up and down your body. 24 hours after you get their name, your soulmates last initial is carved to make it a little easier to find them. _

_ Of course, some people didn’t get their soulmate’s name. Some didn’t have a soulmate. It always made me sad to think about that. I was currently 17. Two more years of being a teenager. It's bound to happen soon, right? Moving on, some people and their soulmates just stay friends, like platonic soulmates. Some people get rejected by their soulmates. That’s the worst thought in the world in my opinion. Being rejected by the one person tied and born to love you, romantically or platonically, and they just don’t want you.  _

I groaned, throwing my math homework back into my backpack. I pulled myself out of my thoughts. 

“Seriously, though, when am I gonna need to find the area of a circle? What mugger is gonna hold a knife to my throat and say he’ll kill me if I can’t find the surface area of his rug! I have a way better chance at winning the lottery!” I complained, crossing my arms. Josh was drumming hard on our drum set, probably nervous about something, but drumming was more therapeutic than talking to him. He’ll probably tell me later anyway. “And the first day of school is tomorrow! Why do I have homework before school even starts? Oh yeah, cause I’m the idiot that wanted to take a higher math class and has to prove that I’m ready for it or something like that."

“FUCK!” I jumped slightly. I turn from my position on Josh’s bottom bunk to see Josh on the ground, curling into a ball and holding his knee. I rush over to him, moving the knocked over drum stool to look at his knee. There was now a ' **T'** etched into Josh’s knee. 

“Josh! It’s your mark!” I grinned at him. He groaned in pain. I laughed and helped prop him up. Finally, the name appeared,  **Tyler** . There was one Tyler at our school. Josh stared wide eyed. I could feel his heart shatter, tears filling his eyes. “Oh, Joshie…” I dropped to my knees, holding him.

“Bails, it can’t, he’s…” He cut into a sob. I hated hearing Josh cry. It wasn’t often that he cried, only when he was truly upset. I could see why he was. The only Tyler at our school, in our grade, was the straightest guy you could ever meet. He was captain of the varsity basketball team. He was good. His parents were very strict Christians. Most likely extremely homophobic. “I’ll never get a chance, Bailey, he’s… he’s gonna reject me.” My heart dropped for my best friend/brother.

“Joshie, it’s gotta be someone some other Tyler, there are other Tyler’s out there. Joshie it's gonna be okay, I promise baby boy.” Josh and I had been friends since birth. Our parents were high school friends that never really parted until my parents were killed in a car accident. My parents had traveled a lot for work, so I stayed with the Dun’s most of the time. I was only in second grade, I didn’t really understand, but Josh was there for me anyway. The Dun’s adopted me, after seeing that my parents had a brief will that stated ‘If anything happens to both of us, the Dun’s are to decide where Bailey is housed.’ They wouldn’t dream of putting me up for adoption, so they adopted me.

“Yeah, it wouldn’t be fair right? That I got one of the biggest jocks for a soulmate?” I nodded. Josh started to calm down, but he still had a deep sadness behind his eyes.

“C’mon, why don’t we go to the park, get Brendon to come and get your mind off it.” We just have to wait for tomorrow before we get Tyler’s last name’s initial, or if Tyler Joseph had Josh’s name on him. I grabbed my phone and texted Brendon. He replied about a second later with a ‘hell yeah! This party sucks dick’.

“Don’t you still have math homework?” I laughed.

“I finished it. I just like complaining about circles.” Josh laughed and grabbed his snapback. I pulled my hair back into a ponytail.  
Josh limp slightly because the mark probably still stung. I grabbed our skateboards and we made our way to the park. Brendon showed a little later.

“What’s up?” He looked at Josh with a slight hint of concern. Josh just sighed and pulled his shorts up to reveal the name.

“Congrats dude! Can’t wait till you meet him…” Then it clicked suddenly in Brendon’s head and he looked at me wide eyed. I mouthed a ‘maybe’ to him. “I’m sure it’s not that asshole, it can’t be, or whoever decides this shit will have to answer to me.” He cracked his knuckles, making Josh and I laugh. Brendon could be hella loyal, but super intimidating when he wanted. Josh and I called it the ‘Urie Fury’ when Brendon got protective.  
Brendon had always hated the jocks, with a burning passion. Probably because Brendon was friends with them a long time ago, but they had disowned him, beat him, when they found out that Brendon was gay. So it wasn’t really a surprise that Brendon would hate the king of the jocks the most. “I swear if he is…” Brendon shook his head.

“Shit!” I cried, grabbing my forearm, dropping to the ground. Tears welled in my eyes. I moved my hand to look. ‘E’. Josh and Brendon grabbed my arm, staring at it as the name was carved into my skin. I squeezed my eyes shut until the pain subsided. Erin. “Great, a unisex name,” I grumbled but laughed a little. It was on my left forearm and wrist. I liked it. It was neat, maybe a girl? I didn’t really care what gender.

“I don’t know any Erin’s. Girl or guy.” Brendon stated. I didn’t either, and Josh just nodded. “I’m not gonna worry about it, I’m sure I’ll meet them soon enough.” Josh looked sad again. I hated seeing Josh sad. Please tell me Brendon had some weed or something. Like on cue, Brendon spoke up.

“So I’m guessing you guys need a blunt? Cause same, c’mon.” He stood and helped me up. Josh was standing. We walked to Brendon’s house and to his back yard. He rolled a blunt, letting Josh have the first hit. Josh looked better after. I took one hit, only because I was stressed. Josh and Brendon shared the rest of it.

“Y’know, I got my mark in 7th grade…” Bren giggled.

“What?” I glared at Brendon. “Why didn’t you tell us?” I questioned.

“Cause…” He thought hard for a second before laughing again. “I don’t know, his names Dallon, and I’ve never met a Dallon. I also hate the soulmate system. It’s dumb to me.” I shrugged, I guess that made sense.

“Where is it?” Josh asked with his head tilted back and eyes closed.

“My hip bone.” He said simply. Josh sobered up after an hour or so. Brendon left for work because it was 1 o’clock now. Sunday’s were always just hang out days.  
Josh and I skated home. I decided to drum, but every time I saw the name on my arm, I got off beat or threw a drumstick. I stopped after the third time throwing the drumstick. I just sat on the stool. “Is it weird we got our marks on the same day?” Josh asked, breaking the deafening silence I had created.

“Yeah, I guess so. It’s not uncommon, though considering we’ve always been friends.” I shrugged, standing up. “We should do something.” I looked at Josh, his dyed blonde hair sticking up in all directions.

“Like what?” I pressed my lips together. An idea forming.

“We could redye your hair.” He scoffed lightly. Then he thought about it.

“What color should we dye it?” I grinned, now excited because I loved dying Josh’s hair.

“Hm, blue… or bubblegum pink…” He raised an eyebrow at the bubblegum pink suggestion.

“I think blue would look cool.” I did a small victory dance, grabbing Josh’s wrist and dragging him up.

“Let’s go buy some dye.” Josh laughed. He’s had the blonde hair since the beginning of summer and now it was September. Blue was gonna look sick.

Josh’s POV

After agreeing to dying my hair blue, Bailey dragged me to the store that we usually bought my dye. Bailey’s hair was a beautiful natural orange. We never dyed her hair because her mother loved her hair. I asked once in 7th grade and I didn’t do it again. She looked sad and replied with ‘I feel like I would be betraying my mom, she always loved the color.

“Dude! Look at this one!” I say, shoving the box of blue dye in his hands. I couldn’t say no to her. Damn did I love her, not in a dating way. She was so much like a little sister, even though she was two months older. She was shorter, and just in general, smaller. Whoever Erin is, if they hurt my Bailey, I won't hesitate to get Brendon and kick their ass. She’s been through so much, seeing her sad or upset in any way just hurts.

We made it back to the house, briefly telling my mom, and making our way to the bathroom. My mom was very understanding, she accepted me and Bailey when we came out to her. When I wanted to get a nose ring. As long I didn’t get hurt, she didn’t mind.

We didn’t need to bleach my hair considering it was blonde at the moment, so I took a shower, washing my hair thoroughly. Bailey was bouncing as I came out. I changed in the bathroom, putting on an old shirt and wrapping a towel. It took a while, but Bailey washed the dye out, and it was all done. We had a small tradition that I get to see it before she did so when I stepped out of the bathroom she pounced on me. Messing with my hair, checking over it in case she screw something up.

“It’s good, I really like it,” I said and she grinned wider. “It’s only 5…” I squinted at the clock.  
“Could this day go any slower?” She said, falling onto my bed. I lay down next to her, grunting in agreement. A weird kind of shock went through my leg. I sat up suddenly because of it. Taking two strides to the window, I looked out to see nothing out of the ordinary. I frowned and turned back to Bailey. I shrugged, glancing back at the window. I paused. There was someone out there now.

It was a tall skinny kid dribbling a basketball quite forcefully. His black hood was pulled over his head. He was rubbing his right thigh with his unoccupied hand. He glanced over a little at my house. I took a step back so he couldn't see me. It was Tyler. Freaking. Joseph. He had a look of fear. No, maybe anger? No, it was definitely fear.  
I almost threw up as I stumbled backward. Bailey stood worriedly. My hands shook. My chest tightened. I was on the ground now. Bailey grabbed my arms. She grabbed my hands, I tried to focus on her words.

“Josh! Hey cmon, look at me, breathe with me!” I looked up, tears streaming. She took a deep breath, I copied her as she counted to 4, then hold for 5, and out for 6. This didn't happen often, but Bailey always knew how to help. We repeated the breathing technique 3 more times. “Okay, now name 5 things you can see.” I did as she said. Once we finished the grounding method, I was able to think straight.

“It was Tyler, he was walking down the street. I had some weird shock in my knee and when I looked out he was there. Bailey, it's him.” I broke down. She hugged me so tight like she was trying to hold all the broken pieces together. After maybe 15 minutes, I calmed down.

“It’s okay Joshie, we’ll get through this, I swear if anything happens, Brendon and I will be there for you. It’s gonna be okay, you just have to believe me, baby blue.” It wasn’t unusual for her to say baby or baby boy. It was an old joke that just... stuck. I looked at her, she was so beautiful, not just looks, she was so caring. I was so lucky to have her as my best friend. She never seemed to mind if I had panic attacks, or asked for her to order for me even though she has some social anxiety too.

“We should, um, watch a movie or something.” She smiled and opened her laptop, opening two tabs, Hulu and Netflix. “You can pick, comedy or horror is fine. Oh and uh, thank you for, yknow” She nodded with a small smile. She had no problem with horror movies, which was great because I love them. We lay on the bottom bunk watching some classics and some new horror ones.

“The old ones are so much better, the new ones are hardly even scary!” She complained, pouting like a child.

“I completely agree! That’s why we watch them and make fun of how cliche they are.” She thought for a second until she shrugged. It was now 9:30. “C’mon sleepy, we have marching band practice at 6:45.” I elbowed her lightly until she got up and went to her bunk.

“Night Joshie,” I said good night back and turned off the lamp. Although I preferred to keep the light on, Bailey slept better in pure darkness.


	2. definitely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to introduce super straight and homophobic Tyler... Oh wait...

**Bailey’s POV**

I woke up to the blaring of the alarm clock and sudden desire to throw something at it. Josh beat me to it, hitting his hand on it and standing. He stretched, three loud cracks coming from his back. 

“Nice one,” I mumbled. I stretch a little too.

“C’mon Bails. Marching band!” He said, climbing the ladder and tugging my shirt like a needy little kid.

“Don’t make me hit you with my flag during practice!” I snapped. He laughed and I threw a fox plushie at him. Finally, I got up, grabbing my clothes and walking into the walk in closet. I took longer to dress than Josh so I had to change in the closet. We did the normal routine.

“Done!” I shouted as Josh groaned from the bedroom. “Suck it!” We always had a small competition for who could get ready faster.

“Let's just go. Ready for our first day?” He laughed as he grabbed his bag and mine. I smiled, I was a little excited for our first day.  We walked to school, which was honestly a third of a mile away, so we just walked. Josh seemed noticeably more fidgety. That boy makes me worry like crazy. 

“You good?” I asked when we got to the stadium. We retrieved his drum and my flags. I was asking because we had no idea if he had any classes with Tyler.

“Yeah, fine, why?” I shrugged and walked to my section with a loud sigh. I hated when he pretended everything was okay. Marching band went fine. I did hit Josh on the calf at one point. He glared at me but kept marching. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Josh’s POV**

I had math first period. I had Tyler in my first period. The math teacher... likes seating the losers and jocks next to each other. So honestly, I wasn’t surprised when she took the king of jocks and sat him next to the biggest loser in the grade, me. He sat to my left. I sat to his right. He looked at me once. We made eye contact, he had really nice doe-like eyes. I cursed myself for thinking that.  _ You have no chance, he’s straight.  _ The tension was crushing me and the other two classmates that sat in front of us seemed to notice.

So when Tyler turned to me and spoke with such a high voice, it made me jump. My left knee bumping his thigh. Electricity spread from my knee and throughout my body. He stared wide-eyed, I did too. He must have felt it too. We stayed like that for what seemed like forever before he looked down and sighed. I didn't hear what he said the first time. I felt a little bad.

“Josh, right?” I nodded, my chest tightening, there was no way I could speak. He sighed again, he seemed tired. There were dark circles under his eyes. “Meet me in the south bathrooms after math, okay?” I nodded again. He smiled slightly and turned away. The girls sitting in front of us gave me a thumbs up and a wink. No one ever used the south bathrooms, the toilets and sinks never worked.

Tyler and I didn't talk or look at each other for the rest of the period. After class, Tyler rushed out and down the hall towards the bathroom. Were his friends going to be there? Did he tell them? No, he couldn't have, they would disown him like they did Brendon. What was he going to do? Talk? Beat me up? 

I walked quickly to the south bathrooms. I entered the three stall bathroom. Tyler was leaning against one of the stalls. I mumbled a small ‘hi’.

“Um… is my name on your knee?” he spits it out like it was one word. I nodded, trying to get rid of the lump in my throat. “Your name is on my thigh…” Then he did exactly the opposite of everything I was thinking. He walked towards me, I flinched slightly, until he grabbed my chin. He hesitated as he went from staring into my eyes to my lips. He was so close to me, I could practically hear his heart beating almost as fast as mine. He gulped a little and smashed his lips to mine, it kind of hurt, but it soon turned to a passionate kiss. He pulled away a second later and looked up. 

“Yeah, I’m definitely gay.” I just stared at him. How beautifully tan his skin is. How his lips were a perfect shade of pink. His eyes a light brown. How soft but chapped his lips felt. Then it finally hit me that he just said he was gay.

“I, uh, um…” I choked out. He looked at me. 

“You have a phone right?” I nodded, fishing it out of my pocket. He grabbed it, hands brushing and sending electricity through me. He typed his number in, then texted himself. “I’ll call you, we need to talk or… something. I have to go to class.” He walked past me. 

Tyler. Freaking. Joseph. Kissed. Me. 

What. The. Frick. 

I skipped my next period, gym, and stayed in the bathroom. I was right, no one ever comes in here. Tyler’s friends surrounded him in the hallway, but he stole a quick smile in my direction. I went to band with a grin and blush. Bailey raised an eyebrow at me as she assembled her flute. 

“Tyler freaking Joseph… kissed me…” She almost flung her flute. Her jaw dropped. “And I got his number. Well, he put his number in my phone and said we need to talk or something” She looked at me like I was crazy. “He also said that he was ‘definitely gay’ after the kiss.”

“Wait. Wait. What. WHAT?!” She set her flute down and grabbed my shoulders. 

“Bails, I might have a chance,” I whispered. She looked like she was close to tears. I was so happy, the kiss was just so… more than amazing and wonderful combined. Then her face when straight. She pressed her lips together. “You okay?” I asked, worried.

“Yeah, I’m just worried about his intentions.” She combed her hand through her hair. “Okay, so you should probably text him then.”

“Now?” I questioned. She nodded and I pulled my phone out. “Um, what am I supposed to say?” 

“Just say ‘hey’ or something, he’s obviously the one in control of what happens so he'll carry the conversation, you dumby.” I wanted to protest, but she was right, I absolutely okay with whatever Tyler wanted. I wasn’t attached, but I could get attached if I had a chance. I texted him ‘hey’ and awaited his response while putting together my trumpet. “I still can't believe you picked to play Trumpet for concert band and drums for marching.” Bailey laughed. 

“Well, you do color guard and flute!” I defended. 

“A flag isn't an instrument unless you count the noise of it hitting your head.” We laughed at her small threat and parted ways. 

_ Tyler: Hey _

_ Sent: What’s up? _

_ Tyler: Nothing, study hall is so boring. We need to talk after school, I have basketball so I’ll pick you up around 5. _

_ Sent: Do you even know where I live? And how do you know I’m not busy? _

_ Tyler: I’ve seen you walking home, we live about a street away. Are you busy? _

_ Sent: Well… No, I’ll see you at 5 then. _

_ Tyler: Okay, see ya at 5, drummer boy. _

I smiled at the pet like name he gave. Bailey looked over at me from her first chair, while I sat in the 3rd chair. I held my phone up for Bailey to see I’ve had a conversation with Tyler and smiled. She scoffed and the girl next to her started talking to her. The band carried on. Brendon ended up breaking a drumstick and hitting some guy name Ryan. It was pretty entertaining watching the Ryan guy cuss Brendon out. 

It felt like forever until school was over and Bailey and I were walking home. 

“I don’t think I’d mind just being just a friendship, I just hope he doesn’t like… Y’know…” Bailey nodded, she seemed to always understand, even when I couldn’t find the right words. I was really fine with just being friends with Tyler, that's the case for some soulmates when they just stay really good friends. 

“I’m happy he’s not ignoring you. What are we gonna tell Brendon though?” My mind went blank. Tyler was one of Brendon’s most hated jocks. Brendon and Tyler were really good friends before they hospitalized Brendon. I had a small hatred for Tyler because of that.

“Um, maybe not tell him until I figure it out? Cause if I do end up getting hurt by Tyler, Brendon’s gonna kill him… or worse.” Bailey laughs nervously at the ‘or worse’ part. “But if Tyler really is gay and we do get into a relationship or anything, we should tell him then.” Bailey agreed.

“So he’s gonna pick you up at 5? How did he say it?” I handed her my phone with the conversation. “Oh, he’s so the dominate one!” She laughs, bumping my shoulder.

“Well I wouldn’t mind having him pin me to a wall and f-” I knew she would cut me off before I finished so I trailed off. She punched my arm, making a gagging motion.

“Not in our room or I swear I will make you clean everything twice!” 

“Awe, at least over the drum kit,” I smirked. I couldn’t see it happening anytime soon, but it was fun annoying Bailey.

“Especially not the drum kit or you're buying me my own set.” She glared, pointing a finger. We made it home after a few minutes. I was only 4, so I had an hour. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to that one person who left a Kudo, you made my day. (Also, if that wasn't you Meggo, you made my day anyway. calm down.)


	3. Tell Me Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh finally gets to see what him and Tyler might be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People are actually reading this? Woah.

“Uh… should I change? Or do something with my hair? I don’t even know where we are going, what if I’m too underdressed? Or overdressed? Is this like a date or like a 5 minute talk about how he doesn’t want to ever talk to me ever again?” I heard Bailey groan and throw a pair of skinny jeans, a shirt with low riding sleeve holes, and a nice looking hoodie at me. Well that answered most of questions.

“There, those skinny jeans can be considered appropriate for wherever you go, the shirt if it’s somewhere like the park, and the hoodie for any place slightly fancy.” I grinned, kissed her on the cheek and throw myself into the closet. I changed quickly. I went to the drum kit, letting out my nerves and struggles of the day out on the kit in front of me. 

“Josh, he’s outside,” Bailey yelled over the drums. She was looking out the window.

“I GOT IT!” I yelled, running down the stairs and standing in front of the door. I tried to fix my hair, it was kind of everywhere at the moment. Satisfied, I opened the door. Tyler smiled lightly.

“Hey, Josh.” His hands fidgeted at his side. Anxiety swelled up everywhere. 

“Hey… Tyler.” He seemed to take a quick breath before grabbing my wrist gently and pulled me to his car. “Where are we going?” I asked, stumbling after him. He opened the door for me, I got in and said a quiet ‘thanks’. He nodded and got in the driver’s side of his car.

“Um, I was thinking we could get coffee and talk about...this” He motioned to himself and I “and after, if you want, we can go to the carnival in the the next county over. Sorry, I just can’t be seen with a guy, not you personally, nothing against you I swear.” he started to ramble, looking at his hands as he started to get quieter.

“That sounds great, I love coffee and carnivals.” I was a coffee addict, this was going to be great. “Where are we getting coffee?” I asked. He smiled and it seemed so, not forced like it was in the hall. He seemed a bit more sure of himself now. 

“There’s a really good coffee place downtown, they have really good muffins.” My mouth watered at the mention of muffins. 

“Sounds like a plan, let’s go.” The crushing anxiety I had earlier started to boil again. Am I seeming to clingy? What if he wants nothing to do with me? What if he’s just being polite. I realized I was staring at Tyler’s hands. They had calluses on his left fingers, like Bailey’s, but she got those from playing guitar. He would have them on his right hand too if it was from basketball. “Do you play an instrument?” I blurted. I silently cursed myself out for speaking without thinking. When would a jock, especially the king of jocks, have time for playing instruments? In between screwing his girlfriends and getting drunk? Yeah, totally.

“Um, yeah.” He looked at his left hand. “Ukulele and piano.” I almost doubled over. The captain of the varsity basketball team plays the ukulele. He blushed and looked back to the road shyly. Not gonna lie, it was pretty cute. “You're in the band right? What do you play?” He focused on the road.

“Drums for marching and trumpet for concert band. Trap for fun.” I shrugged.

“That explains it.” He said so quietly, I almost didn’t catch it. I looked at him curiously. He just looked down and back up, like he was checking me out. I turned a very bright pink and looked out the window. I could sense his smirk.

We finally made it to the coffee shop. Before I can open my door, Tyler hops out and opens it for me. I laugh and get out. “Why thank you.” He just smiles a no teeth smile. I looked at the menu closely. He seemed to already know what he wanted. I nodded when I made my decision. Dread set over me when I realized I would have to speak. “Um, Tyler,” I said in a small voice. “I… Um… Could you order for me?” He nodded and did something I didn't really expect him to do. He grabbed my hand and squeezed it. 

“The snickers one, medium, please.” I mumbled. Bailey or Brendon always ordered for me, unless I told them that I wanted to. Those two always looked out for me. My heart fluttered at the fact that he wasn’t questioning or making fun of me because I had to ask him that. Tyler ordered what I asked for and just black coffee with a lot of sugar in it. The total was $10.50. I took out my wallet, but Tyler handed her $11 and said to keep the change before I could protest. “Tyler!” I pouted and he just smirked.

We sit down at a booth with only room for one person on each side of the table. When he had let go of my hand, my heart kind of sunk. He sits in front of me now. “Um, so, we’re soulmates then?” He said it slowly, like a question and a statement. 

“Yeah, and it's cool if you just want to be friends or nothing at all, or if you never want to talk to me and you just wanted to be ni… it’s up to you.” I spit the last sentence quickly and looked down at my coffee. My hands started to shake. “I don’t mind,” I mumbled.

“I…” I looked up, Tyler seemed hurt by my wods. “I don’t just want to… I wouldn’t have… I wouldn’t have suggested coffee AND the carnival if I never wanted to talk to you again, Josh, I want to… I want to get to know you and see where it goes from there cause you're really hot and cute and quirky and… shit.” Tyler seemed to curl into himself. He wasn’t wearing his usual black hoodie, and then did I notice how skinny he was.

It made me worried how skinny he is. He’s captain of the varsity basketball team. He should have some muscle. I snapped out of my trance, realizing he saw me staring.

“So, are you out to your parents?” Tyler seemed so small already, yet somehow he shrinks into himself more. It made me worry a little.

“No, and they… They can’t know.” He shakes his head slowly, looking down, his eyes started to fill with… tears? “Please Josh, they can’t, they’ll disown me. Please”

“It’s fine, Ty. Whatever we have or will have can be a secret. I don’t mind.” He looked back up, with a small, understanding smile. He had seemed so cocky and… jockish, but he really seemed like a nice and caring guy. I grabbed his hands, trying to comfort him. He calms down quickly, pulling his hands away. I can understand where he’s coming from, his family are extremely Christian. Nothing against them, but they have such a tight leash on their kids. When Tyler pulled away, it kind of hurt, but I’m sure he’s not use to it.

“Have you ever been with a guy?” Tyler asked me after a while. I snorted. 

“Only once, I’ve only had like 2 relationships.” I shrugged, finally taking my first sip of my coffee. Tyler drinks after. His eyes close as he swallows the liquid. He hums happily. “I’m guessing you haven’t.” Tyler shook his head.

“For a while I didn’t think I was attracted to anyone, no one seemed that appealing. Not till you, I guess.” My phone started buzzing. I quickly look at who texted me and see Bailey’s name appear. “You can answer it, I don’t mind.” Tyler took another sip. He groans at the taste. I started coughing, that boy was fucking moaning because of the coffee. Wonder what I could do if I… I coughed more. “Are you okay?” 

“Fine sorry!” I smiled nervously. I really hope he can’t read my mind. “I have to text Bailey back real quick or she’ll find me and ask me in person.” I joked. Ty giggled and I almost started coughing again. How can he be so hot and cute?

_ Bails: I'm not stalking you or anything, but Tyler looks super uncomfortable and comfortable at the same time, it’s kinda cute. I’m not gonna lie, but Brendon is looking for me so you might wanna get out of there. _

_ Sent: Damn it, Bails. Okay, we’ll leave as soon as I can control a raging boner. He’s moaning like a pornstar because of his coffee and fuck. _

_ Bails: Ayyyyyy GET SOME, MY MAN! (Use protection, I don’t wanna get aids or something from your bed sheets.) _

I laugh and look to Tyler. “We should probably get to that carnival before it gets too dark?” Tyler nodded and we threw his coffee away. As I walked out, I noticed someone in the bushes. I waved to Bailey, her orange hair making it easy to see her. She gave me a thumbs up. Tyler opened the car door, again, for me and closed the door after I was in completely.

_ Bails: Omg that’s so cute! He’s a gentleman. Keep him! _

“So who’s Bailey?” Tyler asks, with what seems like masked jealousy. 

“Oh, she’s like… My sister, and my best friend… It’s a long story.” I shrugged and Tyler understood. “So you play the ukulele?” I ask, still shocked that the most agressive basketball player plays the ukulele

“Yeah. Ukuleles are frickin’ sick, okay?” He says, with a fake stern expression. He points his finger at my chest with a pout. I hold my hands up in fake surrender.

“Okay, okay. Ukuleles are sick.” 

“So sick!” He grins. He doesn’t put his hand back on the wheel, however. He instead puts his right hand on my thigh and I swear he’s teasing me now. “I play piano too.” He said casually like nothing was happening.

“Oh, do you sing?” I asked. His voice sounds so beautiful already, I really wanna hear it when he sings. He shrugs. 

“Sometimes, not really in front of people, when I’m alone, though I like to rap too,” His hand stays on my thigh and I swear I’m a hair away from kissing that tease of a boy. 

“Do you play your ukulele as you rap?” I asked a little amused. 

“Heck yeah! Piano too.” He grins. His teeth were so beautifully crooked, it made my heart melt. “And what about you, you play drums right?”

“Yeah, I love them.” I smiled. He was taking interest in my life. “It’s better alternative to hitting something or someone when angry, or taking your energy and nerves away.” 

“Sick, I’d love to see that.” He taps the steering wheel and turns into a half full parking lot.

“What me hitting someone or drumming?” I  question. He thinks for a second. 

“Hitting the drums, and maybe someone who deserves it, like half my team mates.” He gets out, this time I wait for him to open the door before stepping out and smiling at him. He bounces on his feet. It was about 6 now. I really loved talking to Tyler, it was just so easy like the conversation flowed without it getting awkward at all. 

“Wanna get the wristbands? So we can go on any ride as much as we want?” I looked at the price of them. $15. I nodded and again when I pulled my wallet out and grabbed a 10 and 5, Tyler already handed the man a 20 and a 10.

“Will you let me pay for something!?” I whined in protest. 

“Maybe for funnel cake, baby boy.” I made a really embarrassing squeal. He looked over and smiled. “Jeez, that was adorable. I’m gonna probably use that more if you keep being so cute.” He said plainly. My cheeks started heating up. My heart was either not working or working a little too fast because my chest did all sorts of flips. Yeah, Tyler was definitely gay.

“You can call me whatever you want, as long as I can pay for funnel cake.” Tyler chuckled. 

“Alrighty then… Kitten.” He wiggled his eyebrows. I could have doubled over at the pet name and the added eyebrows. “What! Your face scrunches up like a sleepy kitten when you smile and your teeth are like a tiger growl.”

“As long as I pay for funnel cake!” I piped up. He just shrugged and ruffled my hair. 

“I like the blue, it suits you.” He said, a small blush creeping over his tan skin. He combed his fingers through his hair. He had a rubber band on his wrist. I squinted slightly to see it. He noticed and shoved his hand in his pocket. “C’mon, what ride first? Oh!” He said, skipping away. I ran to catch up as he stopped at a roller coaster. He looked at me with such hope. I looked at all the loops and twists and turns. I gulped. I forced a smile. Tyler’s smile dropped a little.

“Josh, we don’t have to go on it if you don't want to, it’s cool.” He reassured. 

“Oh well, I just, um.” I stuttered, still watching the ride. “No I want too, I’m just, I’ve never been on...”

“You’ve never been on a roller coaster?” Tyler cut in with shock. I nodded slowly. He grabbed my hand. His perfect callused fingers interlocking with mine. I really like his hands, they were just so... him? “If you want to go on it, then I’ll hold your hand the whole time if that’ll make you feel better.” It was such an innocent and cute way to say ‘I really wanna hold your hand so if you fall out and die a brutal death, I’ll go with.’

“I might just hold that against you, Joseph,” I smirked

“Go ahead, Pretty Boy.” He winked and dragged me and almost shoved me into the seat. This boy had such an emotional hold on me, it should be illegal. Actually never mind about it beiing illigal cause Momma Dun wouldn't let me date someone in prison. Still holding hands, we buckled up and the bar thing came down for more safety. I pulled at it a little. I felt a wave of anxiety overcome me and I looked to Tyler, who was bouncing with excitement. He squeezed my hand before leaning to whisper in my ear. “You’re doing great, It’ll be okay, I won't let go Jack.” I laughed at the slight titanic reference. 

The roller coaster started and ended quickly. We didn’t let go until I was back on the ground. My phone vibrated and I checked it quickly.

_ Bails: Looks like I just met Erin _

_ Sent: Omg tell me everything when we get home _

_ Bails: As long as you tell me all about you and Joseph ;) _

He looked around at the different rides like he was deciding for his turn. He looked back at me, awaiting my response. 

“Um, that one?” I pointed at one called ‘Defying Gravity’ with a giant alien head. It was a spaceship looking ride, you get in and it spins so fast that it pins you to the wall. He nodded and strode off, I ran to catch up. For the next hour, we went on every ride. I kicked Tyler’s ass in bumper cars, but he refuses to admit it. “Funnel cake?” I ask as we get off the last roller coaster.

“Yes, I’m starving.” That made me hesitate. Why was he so skinny? It was a little worrying, but I tried to brush it off. I ran back after him when I noticed he had bolted. He already ordered and I pulled out a $10. The woman handed back 4 dollars and the plate of funnel cake. We sat down on a picnic table and shared the funnel cake. It had strawberry and chocolate syrup, with white powder. I took a bite, then Tyler did. Did he do that every time we go somewhere to eat? He didn't drink his coffee till I did, and he didn’t take a bite of the funnel cake until I did, despite eying it ever since we got our tickets. 

Conversation flowed easily. Tyler talking about how he really liked basketball when he was younger, but since high school started, he’s been more into music. He explained that he couldn’t quit because that’s the only way he’s getting into college. 

“How good are you at the piano?”

“I’ve been playing since I was seven, so I’d so pretty good.”

“The college I’m looking at gives bigger scholarships to the music department than the sports.” Tyler looked up hopeful. “And you’ll be with me,” I said a little quieter. His smile got wider.

“That would be awesome!” He said after shoveling funnel cake in his mouth. Finally, he swallowed. I laughed and grabbed a napkin, wiping the syrup off his face. “Thank you, Jish”

“Jish?” I questions. He made a grunting noise in agreement and took another bite of funnel cake. I took my second bite. 

“Jishwa! You’ve barely eaten any!” He pouted. My only thought being ‘oh fuck he’s cute’. 

“It’s fine, I’m not that hungry anyway.” I smiled. I really was hungry, but Tyler looked like he needed something to fill him up. He also looked really cute with chocolate syrup and white powder all over his face.

“Fine, but you better text me when you get home that you ate something.” I laughed at his childish attitude. I stretched, it was quite warm for it being September. I took off my hoodie. I raised an eyebrow when I noticed Tyler staring. The black cut low cut sleeve holes did show a little.  _ That's for teasing earlier.  _ I thought with a smirk. “Ferris wheel? It’s 8 now, and I have a curfew of ‘at the latest, 9’” he rolled his eyes at the last part. I laughed and we stood.

Tyler seemed for fidgety now. His calm and cool reputation completely destroyed. Now I saw the real him, the kind, nervous little boy that plays ukulele and piano. That's when another question crossed my mind. How is he so good at basketball? Practice right? With how good he is, how does he have time to eat or take care of himself? What did he give up to be with me? What will he have to give up to be with me, forever? I was a liability to him.

We waited in line until we got into the seats. My hand found Tyler’s, giving his a gentle squeeze for whatever is making him nervous.  “Are you afraid of heights?” I asked.

“No, I love heights.” He smiled, then looked away again. It was silent, not a conversation flowing. Was Tyler questioning himself and sexuality? We made it to the top after what seemed like an hour. “It beautiful,” Tyler said, looking forward at the sunset. 

“Yeah, it really is.” I agreed. In my opinion, Tyler was more beautiful.

“Josh?” I turned my head, humming in response to my name. His face suddenly was close, really close. He got closer and closer until our lips met. Those perfectly pink and chapped lips moving in sync with mine. His hand came up to cup my jaw. He scooted closer. I made sure to kiss back, not knowing what to do with my hands. “You’re definitely prettier than the sunset.” He breathed as we parted. It was like fireworks were set off. Was this why he was so nervous? 

I was internally screaming

I snaked my arm around his waist, he flinched slightly, and I pulled away, but he gave me an okay and I put my arm back. He rest his head on my shoulder. We started going back down. 

The kiss was so different than in the bathroom. It was passionate and full of... love. No, not yet Josh. You can't be in love with him yet, it's too soon. 

I nudged him awake when we got to the bottom. He smiled at me, grabbing my hand and making our way to his car. He again opened my door for me, and got in after me. We drove home, his hand on my thigh again. Two could play this game of teasing. I stretched my arms up, knowing he was staring at my now slightly visible chest. Giving him a sneak peak, but not allowing him to see it all.  He blushed and looked away. His hand stayed on my thigh. 

Soon I was home, but before I could open the door, Tyler was there opening it. I huffed. “You know I know how to open a door right?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, it’s just really cute to see you blush every time I do, so I plan to continue.” 

“Whatever you say baby boy.” I grinned, pecking him on the lips. We said our goodbyes, and I walked in, smiling at my mom who just smiled and waved. It must have been obvious because my brother gave me a ‘you look like you got cupid's arrow up your arse’ look. I did.

“TELL. ME. EVERYTHING.” Bailey yelled as she pulled me into our room by my shirt collar. The door slammed shut behind us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so tired fml.


	4. Chapter 4

**Bailey’s POV (just after Tyler and Josh left the coffee shop)**

I was feeling pretty good about how Tyler was treating Josh. They seemed to be love struck for each other already. I texted Brendon when the two were out of sight. I really wanted coffee now. 

“Heya Bails!” Brendon said, his voice booming as usual. He slung an arm around my shoulder. A lot of people typically thought we were dating, but Brendon was so gay it wasn’t hard to tell after talking to him for five minutes. “OOOOOO Coffee!” He bounced, grabbing my hand and dragging me inside. 

“Did you take your medicine, Beebo?” 

“Yeah! No… they make me all, ew.” He slouched, still standing. I sighed and turned my attention to the menu. I ordered some hot coffee with caramel or something in it. Brendon ordered 3 muffins after I told him to not get any coffee because he was already so full of energy. Coffee would just make it worse. 

We sat down after the cashier woman explained it might be a little bit because they ran out of caramel and had some in the back. My arm throbbed slightly. I frowned but brushed it off. 

“Dude, he’s hot,” Brendon smirked. I looked back at the guy drinking coffee alone. I rolled my eyes. 

“Hey, sorry for the wai-” I turned, only to see the girl stumble a little. The coffee spilling into my arm. I gasped, the coffee stinging. She set the muffins down, then grabbed my arm. An electric like shock running through me. She didn’t seem to get it. “I am so so sorry!” She pulled me up and to the back of the coffee shop. She turned on a sink, then put my arm under the cold water. I grit my teeth. 

“I am so sorry to ruin your date.” She looked down at me. She wasn’t that much taller.

“Oh, he’s not my date. He’s just a good friend, and gay.” She laughed nervously. 

“Well, that was quite the first impression… Bailey?” 

“How do you know my na-” She held up her hand with  _ Bailey _ written on it in my handwriting. She looked down at my arm where the name Erin was. 

“I’m Erin…” She smiled a little. Oh, my. My brain immediately felt exactly like when you get excited while typing and just smash the buttons, not making any sense. (bfwaefvkwevfkevwkfvkw) “Well, that was quite the first impression.” She laughed. It was so beautiful. Her eyes were a golden mix of light and dark brown. I turned back, looking for Brendon, who was now sitting with the hot guy. 

“Um, when does your shift end?” 

“About an hour.” She blinked.

“Okay, will you um… do you wanna get ice cream or something after?”

“Yeah, that sounds lovely.” Erin smiled again and I had the sudden urge to smash my face into her’s but I held back.  _ Lovely. _ Damn, she’s so cute. Erin grabbed a towel, turning off the water, and wrapping my arm gently with the towel. My arm didn’t hurt now.

“Well, I’ll be back when your shift ends.”

“Good, I look forward to it… I’m still really sorry for spilling coffee on you.” 

“Don’t be, I don’t think my dumbass would have had the courage to talk to you if you hadn’t”

“Well, I’m gonna get you a new one, on me.” Then she paused. “Well not on me because then I would be burned too. We could have matching burn marks, though.” I burst into laughter. 

“It’s fine, I gotta get Brendon out of here before he’s thrown out for public indecency” I looked over to him lifting his shirt up. Erin giggled. “I’ll see a later, cutie.” I winked and walked out. I grabbed Brendon’s arm, pulling him out of the coffee shop. He looked kinda sad. 

“Bailey! That’s Dallon! I need to get his number!” He whined when we stopped. I roll my eyes, but let go. Brendon runs in and backs out with a big boyish grin. “Alright what’s up?”

“The girl who spilled the coffee on me, that’s Erin.” I pressed my lips together.

“NO!” His jaw drops. I shake my head, trying to suppress a grin. He squeals. “Did you get her number? Are you gonna play it cool? What happened? Tell me everything!” I explained what happened and that I was to meet her in about an hour for ice cream. “GET SOME!” He grinned, pulling me into a hug. 

“Okay, so what about that Dallon guy?” I crossed my arms. 

“Fuck he’s so hot, and like, fuck,” Brendon says, swaying a little. He looked like a little kid.

“Wow, you’ve known him for less than 10 minutes and you're already love sick, huh?”

“Am not!” He pouted. I laughed. “And what about you, Bails? You’re clearly excited.” He winked with emphasize on the ‘excited’. I rolled my eyes. I pulled my phone out and texted Josh. I was so ready to fangirl to him, and I’m sure he was having fun considering he hasn’t called and asks me to come get him or something.

“Fine, but is what I’m wearing okay for getting ice cream?” I asked. I was wearing ripped jeans, a band t-shirt, and converse. Brendon just rolled his eyes. 

“C’mon, we have an hour to kill before I kick my little baby bird out of the nest.” He says like a proud parent.

“What, are you my momma bird now?” 

“Of course!” He says, wrapping his arm around me. He kinda just did that couple like gesture in public so there was no cat calling, and also because of my anxiety. “C’mon baby bird, momma’s got some really good weed in her back pocket.” He winked. 

I didn’t smoke often, I swear, just when I’m stressed. I was really stressed. What if Erin didn’t like me? 

“Will you stop doubting yourself?” Brendon says suddenly. “She’s gonna love you, and if she doesn’t.” He pulled a stern face and I got the idea. 

“Isn’t that what momma bears do?” I joked

“I can be your momma bird and your momma bear!” He protested. 

All too soon, it was now 7. Brendon took me back to the coffee shop. Then when Erin came out, Brendon did exactly what I expected. He marched right up to her, looked straight down on her and spoke sternly. 

“If you intend to hurt her, just know I will do what you did to her, five times worse to you. Don’t test me” 

“I don’t plan on hurting my own soulmate, if anything, she’ll be the one hurting me.” She winked in my direction. My face turned red and her sexual reference broke Brendon’s entire scene. He broke into laughter and clapped Erin on the back. “I like her already, use protection you two!” He sang and was out before Erin or I could explain that girls didn’t use protection and that we had no intention of that even happening.

“So…” I began as we walked down the street to the nearest place that sold ice cream. “Where do you go to school? I don’t think I’ve seen you around my school.”

“Oh I go to the smaller high school on the edge of town, you probably go to Southwest?” I nodded. “Yeah, I was actually going to transfer over soon.” She smiled, but I could sense there was something sad behind it. I decided to ask.

“That’s great! You’ll definitely have some quick friends considering You’ve already met Brendon and if he approves then Josh probably does to, and Hayley probably will too. Why are you switching? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“The people there didn’t really understand… me, I guess.” She shrugged. 

“What about you? I see nothing wrong with you.” I said. There really wasn’t anything wrong.

“Um, well, I’m genderfluid and they didn’t really understand what that meant.” I was so close to just wrapping her in a blanket and never letting her go. She shuffled a little and I realized I zoned out.

“Well, lucky for you, I am pansexual as frick.” I grinned, hoping to help cheer her up.

“Wait, really?” She looked at me with surprise.

“Yepper doodle!” She giggled and clearly relaxed. “I’ve got no problem with if anyone does when you come to Southwest, they’ll have to answer to me… After answering to Brendon, cause trust me, Brendon will kick their ass before I even know anything happened. He’s really loyal.”

“You mentioned some guy named… Josh.” I grinned just thinking about him. 

“Yeah, he’s like…” My best friend. My brother. My life. My anchor? “He’s my adopted brother pretty much, I’m the adopted one, though. It’s a long story, but he’s our age and I’ve known him, literally and metaphorically, all my life.” She giggled again. 

“And Hayley?” She asked as I opened the door to the ice cream shop for her. 

“She’s punk, but an absolute ray of sunshine. Just don't get on her bad side or you’re gonna have to move across the country to save yourself.” I shuddered at the thought of the last time I pissed Hayley off. “What about you? Any friends you’ll be leaving behind?”

“No, I didn’t have any friends there. Wow, that sounded lame.” She laughed nervously, but I just shrugged. If I didn’t have Josh, I wouldn’t have any friends either. “All my dance team members go to Southwest, so it’ll be better when I transfer.” She gave a reassuring smile.

I wasn’t sure if she was trying to convince me or herself, but I silently made a promise to myself that if someone did hurt her, Josh, Brendon, and Hayley are gonna have to bail me out of jail. She ordered a bananas split, asking if I wanted to share. I agreed, because I really like banana splits, and her. Once we got our banana split and sat down, Erin took a bite and smiled happily. 

“So you dance? What kind?” I asked to make conversation. Also, because I was curious.

“Like everything, hip hop, acro, lyrical, jazz, ballet.” 

“Wow, I can’t dance to save my life.” I grin, taking a bite of the banana. 

“Maybe one day I can teach you?”  She said casually, but inside it made me excited because that meant she thought we could have a future.

“I might just take you up on that.” I kind of regret saying that considering I’m really bad at dancing and Josh has always made sure I knew. Nothing against Josh, it was always playful, and he wasn’t that great either. 

“So what are you into? Like sports, music, art?”

“Music, definitely music.” Suddenly having the urge to drum, I pat my leg as an alternative. 

“Like instruments or bands?”

“Yes.” She raised an eyebrow with a smile. “All of the above.”

“What kind of instruments?” She said. I was so overcome by the question, no one usually cared.

“Drums, guitar, flute, and a little bit of piano,” I said proudly.  

“Wow, do you have like a trap set or something?” I nodded quickly. She laughed again.

“Yeah, Josh and I share it. He plays drums too.” I was internally screaming at how much I liked her. I’m surprised I haven’t pounced on her. I realized we finished the split, yet she didn’t like she was going to leave anytime soon. We talked for another hour. The conversation was so easy and didn’t seem to be slowing anytime soon. 

Here’s what I’ve learned:

She lives with her dad, her mother left when she was younger

She doesn’t smoke and I decided I’ll keep my weed to myself

She has an older sister

She loves to dance and she plans to go to college for it

She’s an amazing artist (She had a pocket sketchbook with her.)

She’s really cute when she talks about her passions

Too soon, we said our goodbyes. We didn’t kiss goodbye, but we hugged. It was awkward but super sweet and she smelled like honey and the ocean. I had Brendon come get me, after explaining why I didn’t have a car. He didn’t seem to mind. 

“So how was she?” He asked, a grin still plastered to my face. “I’m guessing someone's in love?” I hummed happily. He laughed and took me home. I kissed him on the cheek, thanking him for the ride, and skipped inside and to my room. I looked outside after 15 minutes just laying on the ground smiling up at the ceiling. 

Josh was outside, with Tyler opening the car door to let him out. They said something to each other, then Josh leaned forward, kissing Tyler. I squealed. They were so cute, I just can’t handle it. Josh walked inside, and Tyler looked back at the house. Then we made eye contact and I, on instinct, did the ‘I’m watching you’ hand gesture. He waved a little while laughing, and I waved back. He left after I heard the front door close. As soon as Josh opened the door, I yelled.

“TELL. ME. EVERYTHING!” I dragged him to his bed and forced him to start from the beginning. I almost died laughing when he explained that Tyler played the ukulele. 


	5. Cherry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh worries a lot and Brendon decides to take everyone for pizza.

Josh’s POV

I told Bailey everything besides my worries about how skinny he is. Everything from the Ferris wheel to how his eyes lit up when talking about music, to how he didn’t question my need for him to order everything for me, with me asking only once and he ordered for the rest of the night. Both of us laughing about the ukulele. I thought it was really cute though, and I couldn’t wait to see him play.

Finally, I finished and got Bailey to tell me about Erin. “Did you get any stalker pictures?” I asked. She looked at me confused. “Y’know, like quick pictures so I know what she looks like.”

“Dude that’s so creepy.” She scoffed

“That's the point!” I defended. She continued on about Erin, about how she’s gonna be coming to Southwest with us in a few days or so. It was now 11 and we both decided we need sleep. She went to her bunk, not even bothering to change. I laid down and stared up with a smile. My smile faded as a searing pain came from my hip. I grit my teeth, grabbing my phone for light as I pulled down my shorts. There was nothing there, but a very faint red line. I touched it but it didn’t hurt. Another one dragged across my hip.

“What the hell.” I grumbled. Two more came quickly. I felt tears well up. What was happening? Four faint red lines marked my hip. I looked it up. Finding about two articles about a soul bond that kind of explained it. Tyler was getting hurt. Anger filled me as I realized that Tyler might be in danger. Who was hurting him? Who hurt him? After an hour of pure anger, I decided to text him. He texted back almost immediately.

_Sent: hey, you still awake?_

_Tyler: Yeah, can’t sleep, why are you still awake?_

_Sent: Idk, too much on my mind I guess. You okay?_

_Tyler: yeah, I'm fine, why?_

_Sent: Don't know, just wondering._

_Tyler: Okay. are you okay?_

_Sent: Couldn’t be better, considering I got to kiss the cutest boy ever._

_Tyler: I didn’t think you could kiss yourself. Weird._

_I laughed at his attempt to flirt. Dear god, it was adorable. He sent another text, double text, in a row… I almost squeaked._

_Tyler: You promised you’d tell me you ate something when you got home, what did you eat?_

_Sent: I had a hot dog and ice cream. Did you eat something? I don’t think funnel cake counts as dinner_

_Tyler: Yeah I ate, calm down baby boy._

_I was hesitant to ask what he ate but decided against it. Then I blushed as I reread the ‘baby boy’ part._

_Sent: I’m gonna hit the sack, marching band, bright and early. Goodnight Ty, see ya at school tomorrow._

_Tyler: Mkay, good night, Kitten ;)_

I swear if he tries teasing me tomorrow like he did today, I am gonna pin him to the south bathroom wall and have him right there. Then I remembered he’d probably have me, and I giggled. I fell asleep soon after, knowing that Tyler wasn’t in danger.

 

My feet were glued to the floor. There was no floor though, just black, like being in space without any stars or planets or aliens. I looked around, only being able to move my head. Soon I saw Tyler. I tried calling out to him, but I couldn’t speak. He looked straight at me. No, not at me, past me. He was sitting on a piano now. 

“Scared of my own image. Scared of my own immaturity. Scared of my own ceiling. Scared I’ll die of uncertainty. Fear might be the death of me. Fear leads to anxiety. Don’t know what’s inside of me. Don’t forget about me.” He sang. My heart sank, his voice was beautiful, but the words he sang were so deep and sad. “Even when I doubt you, I’m no good without you. No, no, no.” He shook his head, twitching almost violently. 

“Temperatures droppin’, temperatures droppin’, I’m not sure if I can, see this ever stoppin’. Shaking hands with the dark parts of my thoughts. No. You are all that I’ve got. No.” He was shaking now. He stopped. He leaned back, taking a deep breath, then went back to the piano. 

“I don’t know why I feed on emotion, there’s a stomach inside my brain. I don’t wanna be heard, I wanna be listened to. Does it bother anyone else that someone else that someone else has your name?” I wanted to comfort him. He was shaking and twitching uncontrollably. He seemed to be switching from song to song. Yet I didn’t recognize any of them. 

“I’d die for you, that’s easy to say. We have a list of people that we would take a bullet for them, a bullet for you, a bullet for everybody in this room, but I don't seem to see many bullets coming through. See many bullets coming through. Metaphorically I’m the man, but literally I don't know what I’d do. I’d live for for and that's hard to do. Even harder to say when you know it’s not true. Even harder to write when you know that tonight there were people back home who tried talking to you, but then you ignored them still. All these questions they’re for real, like who would you live for? Who would you die for? And would you ever kill?” Suddenly there were drums in front of me, and I was playing along to his voice. It felt good, really good. 

He looked up, and we made real eye contact. He disappeared. 

I woke up to the alarm blaring, the dream fresh in my mind. It felt so real like Tyler was really there. Maybe he was. Wasn’t dream sharing between soulmates a thing? Yeah, but you can't do it unless you already have a strong bond I think. I've known the real him for only day. I decided to research it after school.

School went surprisingly fast. Both concert band and marching band went smoothly. We decided to tell Brendon, at lunch, about Tyler. He seemed hurt and did talk much more. I felt bad like I had betrayed him. He said it was fine, but it clearly wasn’t.

“Bren, I wouldn’t even talk to him if I didn’t think he wasn’t like them. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“I’m not worried about me, Joshie, I’m worried about you. What if he hurts you? What if it’s all some kind of dumb joke that ends in them hurting you.” He looked to the table Tyler was sitting at. Just then had Tyler turned to smile at me. I smiled and waved. He turned back. I notice he only ate part of his apple. Barely touched his sandwich. It made me worry.

“Brendon, I swear, he’s different. I saw it in his eyes when he kissed me on the Ferris wheel, or how every time I would get out or in his car, he would open the door. He’s not like them, Brendon. He’s even said he wishes he didn’t have to be, but his parents are so strict about Tyler’s image. No one even knows that Tyler plays the piano.”

“Tyler plays the piano?” I nodded. Brendon laughed, then looked back down at his hands. His leg was bouncing, causing his body to shake lightly. “Okay, but I swear if he hurts you.” Brendon looked up, his eyes almost looking red.

“Yeah, but even if you really look at him over there, he doesn’t talk to the other’s unless they directly talk to him, he sits on the edge of the table, he shies away from them. He’s different, Bren.” Brendon looked over to the group of jock and Tyler. It was true, Tyler kept his head down, stayed still and only talked when directly spoken too. Even his smile looked forced.

“Okay, but the moment I’m alone with him and you, he is getting a mamma bear talk.” I laughed, taking a bite of my sandwich. Brendon had a stern face. After 5 minutes, Brendon was done eating and left for his next class. I stared at Tyler the rest of the time.

I swear if Tyler doesn’t take a bite of his sandwich, I’ll shove three down his throat. My mind wandered back to the dream, and the words Tyler spoke/rapped/sang. They were so full of emotion and pain, and fear. What was he going through? What didn’t anyone know? What isn't he telling me? I continued watching him. Then I saw it, his wrist. There was a rubber band on it like the one he had on at the carnival. He was snapping it repeatedly. His wrist turning a bright shade of red.

That’s when I noticed I could faintly feel it on my wrist. I looked down, my wrist was slightly pink. I remembered something from the article, something like if you concentrate hard enough, you can write on your skin and it will appear on their skin or it will.

“Do you have a pen or marker?” I ask Bailey who just sat down. She nodded and handed me a blue marker. She raised an eyebrow as I wrote the words **'Stop it'**. Bailey seemed concerned but I had to focus.

“What are you doing?” She asks. I ignore her and stare at Tyler. She looks over too and seems to understand a little. Tyler suddenly tenses and turns around to look at me. **'Eat or I’ll come over there and shove three of those sandwiches down your throat.'** I wrote small. He looked back to me like he was about to cry, but just nodded and bit into his sandwich. Satisfied I turned to Bailey. “How did you do that?”

“I don’t really know, just kinda knew it would work, I guess.” I wasn’t about to tell her I spent time looking this stuff up. I still had more research to do. “Oh and I told Brendon about Tyler.”

“How’d he take it?” She looked worried.

“He looked kind of betrayed, but I told him about the Ferris wheel and that he plays the piano. He’s gonna give Tyler a chance.”

“Wow, Brendon must love you a shit ton if he’s gonna deal with a jock.” I hated that Tyler was labeled as a jock. He wasn’t like them, they objectify women, they eat sleep and breathe basketball. Tyler didn’t even want to play basketball anymore.

“I know, and I’m glad that he’s trying. I’m really glad he doesn’t hate me.”

“He met his soulmate yesterday too, y’know.” She said, taking a bite of her sandwich.

“Seriously? Dallon?” She nodded. “Good, he deserves someone, with all that he's gone through.” She hummed in agreement.

The rest of the day went quickly. I skipped most of science class to see Tyler in the south bathroom. We hung out, just talking. Brendon suddenly texted me as I talked to Tyler. Not pulling my hand out of his, I grabbed my phone with my other hand.

_Beebo: Here’s the deal. Friday night. about 6. Dallon, me, Bailey, Erin, you, Joseph. John’s Pizza, then park. Please?_

“Um, Brendon wants to go to the old pizzeria on Friday, with his soulmate, Bailey and her soulmate and you. Are you free?” Tyler thought for a moment.

“Yeah, sounds like a date.” Tyler smiled. I blushed and looked down at our hands, intertwined.

_Sent: Sounds like a plan, just please don’t try and kill Tyler or Erin. remember, we are just as protective and if Dallon tries anything I will not hesitate to shove a drumstick where the sun doesn't shine._

_Beebo: OoO, I want him to stick one (or a few)in me, that would be pretty hot. ;)_

I gagged and showed the text to Ty. He laughed at Brendon’s sexual reference. The bell rang and we both got up. Pecking Tyler on the cheek, we parted ways.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bailey’s POV

I rolled my eyes after Brendon’s demand for a triple date. I texted Erin anyway, she seemed to enjoy getting to know my friends before meeting them Monday when she starts school with us.

The next few days flew by quicker than I had hoped, and now it was Friday morning. We didn’t have school due to some teacher appreciation/meeting or something. I paced around my room for half an hour before Josh woke up.

“Bails? What’s wrong?”

“What do I wear? How do I act? What if you guys don’t like her? What if she doesn’t like me? I don’t wanna grow old knowing I had a chance and blew it.” I explained, pacing quicker.

“Bailey, calm down, I’ll text Brendon and ask what the dress code is. As for the whole who likes who, I’m gonna love her as long as she doesn’t hurt you, and she already got Brendon’s approval. She’ll love you, Bails, and if she doesn’t then she’s clearly a fucking idiot with no good taste in woman.” I sighed and sat on Josh’s bottom bunk. He grabbed me by the waist and pulled me in for a hug. We stayed there, friendship cuddling, for a few hours.

“I haven’t properly got to talk to Tyler yet. So I guess I’ll be deciding on him too?” Josh nodded, then his eyebrows furrowed. “What’s up?”

“The sky”

“Don’t do that. Josh, tell me what your thinking.”

“What if Brendon doesn’t approve of Tyler…”

“He will, he’ll learn that Tyler isn’t like the other jocks. I promise.” He nodded.

“Wanna get breakfast, then jam our nerves away?” He mumbled into my shoulder.

“Sounds perfect, c’mon.” I hopped up, detangling myself from Josh and skipping to the kitchen. “Dude pancakes sound like the shit right now.” My stomach growled in agreement. Josh just laughed. We worked together to make chocolate and blueberry pancakes. We finished quickly and cleaned our plates.

“Okay, I’m gonna text Brendon.” I nodded and grabbed a drumstick. Soon my phone buzzed. I was put into a group chat with Brendon, Josh, and an unknown number.

_Beebo: Hey, The unknown number you (Josh and Bailey) see is Dallon. Bailey and Josh are the unknown numbers you see. I’d suggest adding each other’s contacts to make this less confusing._

_Josh: Sup, this is Josh_

_Bailey: this be Bailey, yo_

_Beebo: Okay dorks, listen up, add your eye candy, cause I don’t have their numbers. Then I can explain all the major details._

_-Josh has added Tyler to the ‘Dinner partyyyyy’ chat-_

_-Bailey has added Erin to the ‘Dinner partyyyyy’ chat-_

_Beebo: Aight good, This is Brendon for those without my number. Dress code is casual, but not to casual or I would end up showing naked. ;). We’re gonna meet at John’s pizza at 5 because I’m impatient, then go to the park and probably get in trouble for who knows what. ;)_

Everyone agreed, I got Tyler’s number on my phone, and now I had like 7 hours to do absolutely nothing.

“Ready for our jam sesh?” I laughed but nodded. Soon we moved in perfect sync. Perfect rhythm. The strum of the guitar, the sound of the drums, the words ripping themselves from my throat. It was very therapeutic if you think about it. All stress and worry released. We played for 3 hours. It had been a while since we had really had a session together.

“You okay?” I asked as we finished. Josh just looked up and smiled from ear to ear. Yeah, it was that therapeutic. “C’mon, we have like 2 hours, and at least an hours worth of homework.” Josh stood, wobbled slightly, and then grabbed his bag and we worked together.

“Wait was was the formula to find the area of a circle?” He asked after a while.

“Radius squared times pi… I think.” He just shrugged and went with it.

Soon it was 4.30 and we both got dressed into what we would typically wear. I grabbed my favorite P!ATD hoodie, leggings, and my red converse. Josh decided on skinny jeans with holes in the knee, a black t-shirt, and his grey jacket. He just wore red and black high top shoes. Now it was time to leave for John’s Pizza. We made it there a minute late due to Josh falling off his skateboard. It was 5.01. Everyone else was coming at 5.10, because Brendon wanted Josh and I to be there before our dates.

“Where have you guys been!? I thought you died or something!” Brendon scolded as we approached.

“Josh almost did. He wiped the fuck out on a rail.” Josh elbowed me in the side. Brendon laughed and clapped Josh on the back.

“Alright, now we just wait…” Brendon’s eyebrows furrowed as he spoke. He was so impatient. Josh and I had fun making fun of him for it. Finally, Erin was the first to show. We hugged. I pulled away to take in her beauty. She was wearing an AC/DC t-shirt, skinny jeans, and vans.

“Shit, you look great,” I mumbled. Blushing when I realized she heard.

“You do too, fucking cutie.” I blush spread over my face. She took my hand and we waited for the other two. Dallon showed next.

“Uh, hey.” He smiled a little at Josh, Erin, and I. Then he looked to Brendon, unsure of what to do. It was pretty funny.

“Hey, sexy.” He winked at Dallon. Dallon just left and stood by Brendon. Brendon looked so small next to Dallon, I almost broke out laughing. “Joshhhhhhhhhh where’s your boy toy?” Brendon pouted. Josh seemed to fidget a little.

“He’s not my boy toy and he’s coming, I’m pretty sure.” Josh looked down, but I noticed someone walking towards us in a black hoodie.

“Hi.” he squeaked when he finally got into earshot and I swear this was not the Tyler Joseph from school. He didn’t hold his head or shoulders up. He sunk into himself. Josh smiled and Tyler relaxed. Josh whispered something to him and he nodded.

“Thank god, cmon I’m starving!” He grabbed Dallon’s hand and dragged him inside. Erin and I walked in together. I looked back to see Josh hold his hand out for Tyler to take, but Tyler just shook his head and looked down. Josh looked a little hurt. They walked in, not hand in hand, but walking semi close. I guess even if Tyler didn’t want physical contact, he still wanted to be near Josh.

I felt my mouth go dry when I noticed how many people there was. Erin seemed to notice me tense up a little and she squeezed my hand. We all sat down at a table for 6. Josh sat in front of me, Erin next to me. Tyler next to Josh and Brendon next to Erin, Dallon next to Tyler. I was on the edge

I looked around at my surroundings. God there was so many people. What if I did something wrong? Why are they staring? I started to panic. Brendon and Erin were already discussing pizza toppings, so I shouldn’t bother them. Josh seemed busy talking quietly with Tyler. Dallon just stared at Brendon with a small smile. I gulped.

Tyler seemed uncomfortable, but Josh was helping him relax a little. Tyler jerked away from Josh, lightly bumping Dallon. Josh raised his hands like he was showing he was harmless. Josh must have tried to put his hand on Tyler’s thigh to comfort him. I realized I was staring and looked down. My breathing was uneven and a little too loud. I pressed my lips together, concentrating on breathing. I didn’t want to make it a big deal. I looked up briefly, Josh was staring.

“Bailey are you o-”

“Cherry.” He nodded and stood immediately. Brendon looked over at the mention of our code word. “Cherry,” I repeated and he nodded. Josh helped me up, promising Tyler he’ll be back soon. We had created a code system a while back;

  * Cherry: I need to step out, one person come with.
  * Lemonade: Panic attack, I need you both
  * Watermelon: I think I’m okay to be alone, I need to step out



Josh and I most used it, but Brendon had used it a few times before. None of us three had any problem with the other using the code word because we all knew how it felt.  I always felt guilty for when I used it, but if I didn’t, Josh would think he was being a baby if he was having a full blown panic attack. Josh led me outside. Brendon nodded to Josh and stayed put. Brendon explained to the group simply that I needed a blunt. It was half true.

Josh stood in front of me now. He took a deep breath and I copied. Once my breathing went to normal, he decided to ask.

“What happened?” He said simply.

“There was a lot of people, felt a little claustrophobic, and I felt like they were staring.” He smiled when I responded. He was always happy when I told him what was wrong. I did it mostly so that Josh would talk to me when something was wrong with him.

“I bet they were just staring at my insanely adorable date and hot as frick best friend.” He winked dramatically. I laughed and instantly felt better.

“I’m good now, do you wanna go back in?”

“You're still shaking, we’re staying till you really calm.” I didn’t notice I was, but my hands were shaking. We waited almost 5 minutes until my hands stopped. Then we went back in and saw what neither Josh or I was expecting.

Brendon was crying. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be ready for next chapter cause it gets a tad emotional cause it's told from someone else's perspective that we haven't really heard from yet. Will it be Brendon's perspective? Erin's? Tyler's?


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I edited a little bit of chapter one and forgot to post it so you should go check that out if you've already read it. All edits were just minor and don't go past the first 6 paragraphs, and I added like 3 added paragraphs in italic letters at the very beginning, so go check it out. It explains some things a bit better.

Tyler’s POV

(Bold letters are what Blurryface is saying to Tyler)

I took a deep breath when I saw Josh. He looked really good for just casual attire.

**“What would your mother think of that thought, Ty?”** I heard Blurry laugh

I shook my head. Then when I got to Josh I forced myself to speak, even though there was a large lump caught in my throat. It came out as a squeaky ‘hi’. Bailey, Josh’s sister/best friend, held back a laugh.

**“She even sees your pathetic! What a loser you are.”** My heart sunk a little when I saw Brendon. I knew he hated me, and that he was only letting me come because of Josh. I didn't blame him for hating me, I was part of what they did to him and I hated it. I didn’t physically hit him or say anything mean to him, but I didn’t help out of fear. I cursed myself silently for being a coward. Josh smiled at me. I relaxed slightly, his face beaming. His eyes squinted when he smiled and it was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen, even cuter than a kitten. Josh was almost like a cat. Josh likes cats.

“Heya Tyler, you look good,” Josh whispered. I blushed a little.

“Thank god, cmon I’m starving!” Brendon said grabbing the boy who stood next to him’s hand. Bailey and the taller girl, Erin I think, held hands as they walked in. Josh held his hand out.

**“I swear I’ll kill him if you hold his hand. Don’t take it, Tyler. Remember what happened last time you disobeyed me?”** Blurry growled. I remembered when I last did, which was Monday. He took control and now it stung my hip as I walked. Josh would have questioned it if I wore shorts because I told him I preferred skinny jeans over shorts.

I shook my head, trying to shake Blurry out of it, but Josh saw it as I was refusing. I didn't doubt that Blurry could somehow get me to hurt Josh. That terrified me. Josh was my soulmate, I won't hurt him. I didn’t doubt Blurry, though. Josh looked a little hurt, and I felt bad.I won't let Blurryface take the one thing that made me happy.

We walked in, Josh patted the seat beside him. I sat down awkwardly. Brendon’s date sat by me. I relaxed a little. Josh started to talk to me.

“Tyler, it’s okay if you want to leave, I understand if you're not ready,” Josh whispered. I looked from my hands to his mocha eyes. They were really pretty.

“No, it’s fine. I wanna meet your friends. It’s just…” He looked at me expectantly. It was Brendon. He was putting off a very aggressive vibe that only I was receiving I guess. Even if he was all smiles and jokes, he still had a small glint of hatred when he glanced at me. “It’s fine, I want to meet them since they’re so important to you.” I nodded again.

**“Dear lord, are you really that pathetic. Oh, Ty! Look, look. Pick up the knife Tyler. Do it, do it.”** I tensed up. Josh was speaking, but I could barely hear him. He was saying something about drums I think. He placed his hand on my thigh. I didn’t mean to jerk away. I bumped Brendon’s date. I didn’t want Blurry to hurt Josh. I don’t care what he did to me, as long as he does hurt Josh. **“Oh, you’re gonna get it. Now everyone in the restaurant knows you’re gay. They’ll hate you, they’ll chase you out of town with pitchforks and throw tomatoes at you.”** Blurry’s voice rang. He laughed, it was a low, evil sounding laugh.

“Sorry, sorry, I’m so sorry!” I blurted, half to Daniel? Dallis? Dallon? Yeah, Dallon. The others were to Josh because I was obviously making him worry. Why would he worry about me?

“Tyler, it’s okay, my mistake.” Josh nodded. I looked down at my hands, then looked at Josh’s hands. He had nice hands. Callused from drumming for 6 years almost. I liked to listen to Josh talk, and I tried to remember anything even slightly important. I want him to like me. I really want him to like me. Even if he doesn’t fall for me. Not ‘if’ he doesn’t. He won’t fall for me. I’m just me. **“Nothing special.”** Blurry agreed. (A/N: That was so painful to write. Ughhhhh)

I listened to Brendon and Erin talk about pizza toppings. Then I remember I’ll have to eat the pizza. Blurry’s gonna be mad, I can’t eat. It looks like they were gonna get 2 large pizza’s. One Hamburger, one pepperoni. I wanted to throw up already. So much pizza and I wasn’t going to eat any of it.

_I’m thinking wow, I probably should have stayed inside my house._ The lyric popped into my head, along with a ukulele chord that fit it. Yeah, I should save that for later, I’m sure I could add that to something.

Then I noticed Josh was standing to help Bailey. I looked at him concerned. Bailey wasn’t breathing right. She was shaking slightly. Brendon and Josh exchanged looks.

“We’ll be back in a sec.” He said, probably after noticing I was starting to panic a little. I didn’t have social anxiety or anything. I was just worried about Bailey.

**“That’s for letting Josh touch you.”** Blurry snarled. I wanted to retaliate, but I couldn’t without speaking out loud. That’s when I realized that Blurry must have done something to Bailey so that Josh would get worried. Blurry never heard me when I spoke in my head to him. I think it’s cause he wants me to embarrass myself. After Josh and Bailey left, everyone was quiet.

“She just needs a blunt, no worries,” Brendon said calmly, his words wavering ever so slightly. I realized now I was hyper aware of everything Brendon was doing. His fingers tapped lightly. His leg bounced continuously, making him look he was shaking. “Well, I guess with them gone I can finally give Tyler the momma bear talk.” His voice dropped lower and filled with aggression. Erin rolled her eyes. Dallon looked confused.

**“They all hate you. All of them. They only put up with you because of Josh. I bet Josh doesn’t even like you, he’s probably just using you. Yeah, using you.”**

“Tyler, if you ever, and I mean EVER, hurt Josh in any way, physically or emotionally, I will not hesitate to kick your ass. You may be captain of the basketball team, but I can still take your scrawny ass down.”

“Brendon…”

“Yeah, yeah, ‘I won’t hurt him! I would never hurt him!’ blah blah whatever.” Brendon was leaning forward. Erin and Dallon both sat uncomfortably. The tension grew.

“Brendon, I’m sorry,” I mumbled. I looked at the window. Josh was with Bailey right outside.

“What?” Brendon questioned. Erin looked ready to grab Brendon. I was sure that Brendon would lunge at me any second now.

**“Good, you deserve it,”** Blurry said plainly.

“A few years ago, freshmen year.” Brendon tensed up. “They hurt you, and I’m sorry.”

“Three days in the hospital isn’t just hurting them physically. You did do anything, though… physically... that I know of.” He said, raising an eyebrow.

“That’s my point.” Brendon looked extremely confused, most anger was now gone from his face. “I should have stepped in, I should have helped you. I’m sorry for not doing anything Brendon. We use to be such good friends, Bren. I wasn’t really that surprised when you told me you were gay, but I was scared of the others.”

“Ty-”

“Hold on. Please just listen.” I strained. I needed to get it out. I needed him to understand. “When I came to visit you at the hospital, you yelled at me to leave, and that you never wanted to see me again. I came there to tell you I accept you, and that I didn’t care about your sexuality. I came there to tell you, that I thought I might be gay too.”

“Tyler, I’m so sorry,” Brendon said slowly.

“Don’t be, I can understand. You blacked out after a while and probably didn’t know if I joined in or not. I didn’t. I fled when I saw you black out. I got a teacher, but told her not to tell who reported it.”

“I forgive you, Tyler,” Brendon said slowly. The tension left. Brendon stood, I stood too. He came around the table and gave me a giant bear hug. “Just don’t hurt Josh.” I nodded. Josh was now standing with Bailey a few feet away. Brendon and I must have been hugging for awhile. My shoulder felt a little wet. Brendon pulled away, wiping his eyes, and smiling.

“Sorry ‘bout that. Momma bear talk got a bit emotional.” I laughed. Brendon laughed too. He always made things light hearted and less dramatic than they needed to be. “C’mon let’s order pizza, I’m starving.” I sat back down. Bailey seemed calmer now. Josh looked okay. He smiled at a joke Bailey made. I couldn’t help but stare at his face. His teeth were perfectly straight and pearly white. They showed when he smiled wide.

“What?” Josh asked, still smiling, and taking a sip of his soda. He struggled a little to get his lips around the straw because of how much he was smiling. I had water.

“Oh, I just… Your smile looks good on you.” Somehow he smiled more, giving up on his drink.

“So does yours, you should do it more.” He winked. Brendon and Bailey looked at each other and fake gagged. I laughed. I started to join in conversations, feeling more up to it now that Brendon and I were cool. At some point, Brendon decided to ask stupid, sometimes sexual questions. I was a little interested as to what he would ask. I didn’t fully  expect ‘So why are you gay? Got something against girls huh?’ to come from his mouth, but it did. Josh started laughing, so did everyone else. So I guess it wasn’t a serious question, but he waited for my response.

“I dunno, girls are too squishy I guess.” Bailey almost spits her tea out. Erin erupted with laughter. “No disrespect to girls, guys just tend to be, not squishy. I don’t even think I’m gay really. More like Joshsexual.” I winked at Josh. Dallon laughed next to me and Brendon squealed. Brendon freaking squealed because of Dallon laughing. Dorks.

Good answer me. You made everyone laugh, and the girls don’t hate you. Bailey fake pouted, but still, you could tell she was trying not to laugh. “If it makes you feel any better, Bailey, I like your… squishiness.” Erin said, poking Bailey’s stomach. “Not just this squishiness, though we’re in public, that would be inappropriate to poke the squishiness I like.” Erin wiggled her eyebrows. Then I realized what she was talking about and laughed. Josh looked at me, smiling.

Brendon fell out of his chair.

Half of the people that were at the restaurant was gone, but those who remained looked over. Bailey didn’t seem to mind now. A waiter came over.

“Hey, I’ll take your order, as long as you promise to be a bit quieter.” She smiled. It was threatening. Brendon ordered. Brendon was kinda like the group leader. Super hyper and knew that some here had social anxiety so he ordered for them. He had ordered Bailey’s sweet tea when the waiter asked. I spoke on Josh's behalf after Josh asked quietly. I felt the need to protect him so I ordered his drink for him.

“Alright, It’ll be like 15 minutes if that’s not a problem.” Brendon groaned and we smiled apologetically. “I’ll hurry, hon.” Brendon smiled like a little kid. Dallon smirked. Soon the pizza came.

**“Tyler, if you eat any I swear, I’ll hurt him, make him go to the hospital like Brendon had.”** Tyler frowned at the pizza. Brendon grabbed three huge slices. Dallon took two. Bailey took two, Erin one. Josh waited for me. I nodded for him to go ahead. He grabbed a piece. I didn’t. Josh sighed. **“Look, you're upsetting him. What did you do this time, fag?”** I flinched. Josh noticed.

“Tyler, eat,” Josh demanded, his voice an octave lower.

“Not hungry,” I replied casually.

“Bull shit, eat.”

“Josh, I can’t, please you have to trust me," I whispered.

“Why can’t you?” Josh was close. Almost touching. I moved away a little, not wanting anyone to get hurt. “Fine, but we’re talking about this later, in private.” He said after I hadn’t answered.

**“OoOoO, baby’s getting a scolding huh? It’s too bad you have no choice.”** I took a deep breath. I was being irrational. Blurry can’t do anything, he isn’t like a demon. Although he acts like one, he is in my head. I grabbed a piece of pizza before Blurry could yell at me and took a huge bite. Josh looked at me surprised.

“Good job, Ty. Keep eating please.” He urged. I chewed and swallowed. The pizza tasted so good. I realized I hadn’t eaten since lunch yesterday. I didn’t complete my 500. I did this morning and I did an extra 100. I deserved some kind of reward, right? Just to piss Blurry off more, I grabbed Josh’s hand. He smiled wider. Bailey seemed to relax even more. Weird. Why would she care? Did Josh tell her about me? Why is Blurry being so quiet now?

My breathing wavered a little. Josh didn’t seem to notice. Soon it was around 8, and everyone finished. We walked outside, after all pitching in to pay and tip the waitress.

I held Josh’s hand. Bailey and Erin walked in front of us. Brendon and Dallon leading the way. Josh carried his skateboard in his other hand. I was avoiding all the cracks, two steps per square. Josh seemed to notice, and this made us walk slower than the others. Josh didn’t seem to care, though. We were out of earshot now.

“Okay, why didn’t you want to eat?” Josh asked, his voice serious.

“I didn’t want to.” I lied.

“Stop lying Ty, you’re not good at lying, at least not to me. Why don’t you eat?” I couldn’t tell him. I can’t tell him ‘because I deserve no food’ or ‘cause you or one of our friends would get hurt.’ because they wouldn’t make sense to him. I can’t tell him ‘cause the voice inside my head threatened to hurt you if I do’. It hardly made sense to me. “Tyler?”

**“TYLER DON’T STEP THERE.”** I halted suddenly, pulling Josh back behind me to protect him. Nothing happened. Blurry laughed. **“Damn that always makes me laugh. Never gets old.”**

“Sorry,” I mumbled and took my hand back. Josh sighed.

“Tyler, what’s going on in that pretty head of yours? What battles are you fighting behind closed doors?” Josh stopped walking. He ran a hand through his hair.

“A hard one…” I muttered. “It’s okay, I’ve got it.”

“I don’t believe that,” Josh said plainly.

**“Attention whore.”**

“I think you're fighting a really hard battle, and you say you’re fine so I don’t worry, right? Tyler, you not telling me what’s going on, makes me worry more. C’mon baby, just let me help you.” He pleaded. I sighed.

“You’ll leave me,” Josh looked hurt by what I said. It was the truth.

“I won’t ever, please Tyler, how are we supposed to grow old together and have an army of kittens and kids, if you can’t tell me what’s on your mind?”

“Josh, the problem is I’ve never thought I’d grow old with anyone. I didn’t think I’d even make it to my twenties.” I said numbly. It was the truth.

“Tyler…” He thought long and hard about his next question. “Do you hate yourself?” I sighed, hating that if I lied, he would worry more. Why did he worry anyway, I’ll be out of his way. He can be happier without me.

“Yes.”

“Did you, did you _plan_ on not making it to your twenties?” Our twenties, by the way, was in 3 years. I knew what he was asking. Did I want to kill myself before I turned twenty? Yes.

“Yeah…” The numbness intensified. Like I was close to popping like a balloon.

“Oh.” My numbness left. A wave of overwhelming sadness hit me like a tsunami.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please don’t leave me, please Josh.” I clung to his jacket desperately. He’s one of the two reasons I’ve been doing better.

“Tyler.” He cupped my face, making me look up at him. He wiped a tear, that I was desperately trying to keep captive, with his thumb. “Tyler Robert Joseph, I will never leave you. We will grow old together, no ifs or buts. You are stuck with me till the end of time. Whatever that pretty little mind of yours says when I’m not around is wrong because I care about you. I always will.” I calmed down. He smiled. I smiled back. We kept walking after realizing we couldn't see the others. I felt a lot better. Josh knowing a little of what was going on, had taken a little off my shoulders.

**“Long as you keep your mouth shut about me.”** Blurry growled. I ignored him. One day, I’m gonna tell Josh about Blurryface, and Josh is gonna help me fight him. Blurry laughed and shook his head. Well, I couldn’t see him, but I could just tell.

______________________________________________________________________________

Bailey’s POV

We made it to the park. I gave Erin a tour. The park wasn’t much, but I grew up here, and she seemed to enjoy the stories I could tell. Like the time Josh broke his arm falling from a tree in 4th grade, and I cried way more than he did. Josh said was going to get a tattoo of a tree on that arm one day, because it would remind him that I’m always there and that sometimes you gotta get hurt, to have some fun.

We sat on the swings now. All six of us. Tyler looked a little puffy. Like he had been crying, but no one questioned it. “I’m gonna go get a drink from the fountain, hun.” I stood. She smiled and waved. Everyone continued to conversate as I left. Soon I was out of sight, and taking a drink from the fountain.

“Well, what’s a pretty thing like you doing out this late, alone?” I heard a low, raspy almost voice. I looked up. There was a tall guy, maybe 6 foot. “Why don’t you come walk with me, pretty lady.” I backed up as he stepped forward. My back hit the wall. The guy was close. Close enough for me to smell the alcohol on his breath. He swayed lightly, definitely drunk. He was creepy. I juggled my chances of winning in a fight. He was muscular, I had no chance. I couldn’t run because he was close enough to grab me if I tried. I had no way out of this. 

I started to panic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All your comments make me laugh so hard omg. Thank you and please continue to comment and leave kudos if you actually like my trash fanfic.


	7. Calm before the storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to that one person that wants me to call them Franklin. You know who you are.

“Hey, babe, who’s this?” I heard a semi-familiar voice come from behind. Someone snaked an arm around my waist. I looked up to see a familiar face. Dallon, all 6 feet 3 inch of him and a wide grin. He looked down at the bleach blonde guy and smiled. I caught on quickly. Dallon, for the time being, was my fake boyfriend. I was glad Dallon had shown when he did, or something really bad would have happened.

“Oh, just some guy wondering why I was alone at this time of night.” I forced a giggle and cuddled into his side. It felt wrong that it wasn’t Erin, but I had to pretend. Dallon made an ‘ah’ sound, then smiled a murderous smile. It kind of scared me a little bit. Dallon wasn’t usually a scary guy from what I’ve seen. This was just terrifying. “Shall we head back?” I asked. Dallon nodded and laced his fingers with mine. He went as far as to kiss my forehead and smile at the guy with that horrifying smile again.

“Yeah, no, sorry, bye.” The guy stuttered and ran off after we were half way turned away to leave. Dallon laughed a little. We held hands till we got back to the rest. I wiped my hand on Brendon’s shoulder and Dall laughed. Everyone looked really confused.

“So what happened?” Erin said looking at Dallon for an explanation. I laughed, they probably didn’t know what happened. How did Dallon know I was in distress anyway? 

“While I was getting a drink, some guy came up and asked why I was alone at this time of night. He was getting really close and he was definitely drunk. Dally here came and rescued me. Thanks by the way, but how did you know to come over?”

“Well I saw the guy, he seemed shady, but I let it slide. When you went off alone I decided to keep an eye on him. He started walking to you as soon as he saw you. I made the excuse of wanting a drink because Brendon and literally all of you.... Besides Tyler… would have tried to kill him.”

“Hey!” Tyler protested but laughed it off. His eyes weren’t puffy anymore. “I could have taken him!” He straightened up a little.

“Ty, no offense babe, but you’re too cute to harm a fly.” Josh laughed and booped Tyler’s nose. Tyler scrunched his nose up. Josh and Tyler were sitting on the slide. They weren't really cuddling, but Josh had his arm around Tyler’s waist and Tyler wasn’t pulling away anymore.

“Fight me, Jishwa!” Tyler protested. 

“Dear lord, he’s a bean!” I stated. 

“It’s a tough life being a bean!” Tyler pouted, he was trying hard not to laugh now. He was doing a pretty good job. “Although, it can get you out of a lot of social situations. You can just stop someone in the middle of a sentence and be like ‘I’m a bean’ then walk away and they’ll just be like ‘eh, he’s a bean’.” He waved his hand dismissively. 

“Dude if that actually worked, I would become a bean,” Brendon laughed. He was now sitting on Dallon’s lap. 

“You're like a weird savage bean, Beebo.” I pushed his shoulder lightly. I slipped my hand into Erin’s. My fingers fitting hers like they were made that way. It was super comforting. Everything seemed to be getting better. Like no matter what, we would all have each other's back.

Though I had a weird feeling that this happiness wasn’t going to last long. Like the calm before the storm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it's a super short chapter, but big stuff happens soon and yeah...


	8. Thank God it's Friday Cause Friday Will Always Be Better Than Sundays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****Trigger warning**** Small discriptions of self harm. Not descriptive, but implied. Please don't read if you are squimish or sensitive to this. Stay safe!

Tyler’s POV’

It was about 10 before I got home. Josh insisted on walking me, but I didn’t want to bother him so we went our different ways. I also didn’t want anything to happen when he walked back to his house alone. He went with Bailey and Brendon instead. I liked walking home alone anyway. It was calming, and I could think about all that was happening in my life and mind. Also to think of song lyrics.

**“Tyler don’t step on the cracks, you idiot!”** I gulped, and avoided the cracks. I already pissed him off enough, so I decided not to again. I finally made it home. Everyone was gone. Mom, dad, Jay, Maddy, and Zach, all went to our grandfather’s in California. They won't be home till next week. They left yesterday without me, because my grades werent high enough. With everyone gone, I could play piano without worrying about being to loud. My phone buzzed.

_Josh: make it home alright?  
_

_ Sent: Yeah, you? _

_ Josh: Yeh. I’m gonna go to bed, I’m tired af. Good night Ty. Call if you need anything : p _

I smiled knowing he made it home okay. I texted back 'good night'.

**“Tyler, you didn’t check the house yet. The oven might be on, your gonna set the house on fire. Tyler!”** Blurry yelled. I grabbed my head. I ran to the kitchen in a panic. The house was not on fire. I checked the oven dials. All were off. I checked all faucets, none were running. I locked the doors four times. 

Once Blurry was satisfied, I went downstairs. I hopped off the 4th stair, the bottom three were bad. I sat down by my piano. I took a deep breath, knowing exactly which song was going to save my soul tonight.

Blurry sat next to me as I screamed, rapped, and sang. He never talked when I played piano or sang my own lyrics. He stayed quiet. I don’t know how long I had been but when I looked at the clock, it was now 1 in the morning. I decided to at least try to sleep, knowing it won’t come easy. I fell asleep quicker than usual, though. Which was nice. 

_ I stood frozen, in a dark empty abyss. There were no floors, or walls, just blackness. A deafening silence overcame me. I tried to make noise, tried to move but I couldn’t. Then I saw someone. A bright flash of blue on the top of their head. Josh. I felt a tiny bit better. He walked to his right. He sat down at a drumkit. Was he going to play? I felt a little excited. I really wanna see Josh play. He took a deep breath, hitting each drum, testing it’s sound. Then the beat started. He went all out. His muscles moved like ripples in water. He bounced around almost weightlessly. I could watch for hours. _

_ There was a piano in front of me now. My piano. My hands danced along the keys, playing the song I had named ‘Goner’. Then I realized that I was singing. Soon it was the part where I screamed. I never meant to have screaming in my music, but sometimes I just can’t sing it, and I have to force it out. The only way to force it was to scream. “I’m a goner!” I yelled. Josh was going nuts in front of me. It felt good. It felt real.  _

I finished the song, waking up in a cold sweat. I looked around my room. Josh wasn't there, but in the dream he was. He was  _ there _ with me . His energy and mine mixed and united and became something beautiful. 

Was that a shared dream? No, that meant that Josh felt as I did. I was clingy, and needy, and too dependant. Josh was so… Independant and put together. There was no way he felt the same.

I looked at the time. It was 5. I fell asleep about two. Three hours wasn’t that bad. More than I usually got. I checked the house again. Grabbed my basketball and did my 500. It was now 8. I grabbed my jacket, leaving my phone. Triple checking that every door was locked, I left for the forest. I needed to think. Needed Blurry to leave me alone. I decided to go to the side of the forest I usually didn’t go to. I needed something different. 

I walked there, soon I was to the top of some pine tree. Hidden. I hung myself upside down, if I fell from this high I would break my neck. I would die.  _ Wouldn’t that be nice?  _ I shook the thought away. You still have Josh to think about. 

**“He’d be better without you.”** I sighed in agreement. Josh, Josh, Josh. Even his name was perfect.

That’s what I thought about for the next half hour. Josh. His tiger growl teeth. Smile that reminded me of the C major chord. Josh. Squinting kitten eyes. Mocha coffee colored eyes. Bright blue hair. Josh. I smiled like a little kid.

I heard a rustle of leaves, like someone walking. It was getting closer and closer. I sat up right, blending into the tree, and looking for what caused it. A bit of fear ran through me. There was a bench I hadn’t notice before. There sat someone I didn’t think I’d ever see. 

I stayed quiet, as Bailey laid down on the bench and looked up at the sky. The sun’s glow making her hair look like a lion mane. 

“Hey mom... dad.” She started. “Um, I met Erin a little less than a week ago. She’s really nice, I think you guys would have liked her.” Bailey sighed. Then her eyes filled with tears as she began to sing. I didn’t recognize the song.

“There’s no sunshine, these impossible years. Only black days, and sky greys, and clouds full of fear. And storms full of sorrow, that won't disappear. Just typhoons and monsoons, these impossible years.  There's no you and me, this impossible year. Only heartache and heartbreak, and gin made of tears. The bitter pill I swallow. The scars souvenir. That tattoo, your last bruise, these impossible years.” Her voice grew a little stronger as she sang out. “I miss you guys.” She said, no longer singing. She sat and talked to the bench and the sky for another half hour, before standing and walking away slowly.

She mentioned me at one point. She said that Josh was constantly worrying about me, and that she really just hopes I’m okay, for Josh’s _ and _ my sake.  Josh must talk to her about me. I doubt it’s all good things. 

Once she was gone, I got down from the tree. I looked at the bench. Two names, one a woman’s name, the other a man’s name. Both with the Bailey’s last name. Her name was hyphenated though. Her real last name and ‘-Dun’.

When I got home, I had four text.

_ Josh: Morning sunshine _

_ Josh: Bailey wants to dye my hair again. She’s thinking red, what do you think? _

_ Sent: Sounds good, I think it’ll look good on you. I don’t care what’s in your hair tho ;) _

The next two were from my team mates.

_ Andrew: Ay, party at my house, team mates only. Joseph you better come this time. _

_ Andy: hey, you going to the party. _

That’s how I ended up going to this stupid party. There was beer, drugs, and shots. I refused it all, and no one seemed to pressure me into it. Everyone knew I didn’t drink or do drugs because of my parents. It’s bad enough that I’m gay.

We were pretty much sitting around playing ‘never have I ever’ till Andy said something that caught my eye.

“Hey look, it’s that gay kid… Josh I think.” Andy had said. It took a moment to process what was just said. My Josh was outside, walking down the street, his hair was probably freshly dyed. “Dude, did he dye his hair again? What a fag.” Andy laughed. I flinched at the homophobic slur. No one noticed because everyone was looking out the window. Josh was on his way home from the park, which was about half a mile away maybe?

“We should go teach him a lesson.” What the hell did Josh do to you Andy? Anger boiled in the pit of my stomach. “Maybe if we kick his ass enough, he’ll learn to be normal.” Almost everyone here was drunk, or high, or both. So when they all stumbled outside, yelling slurs and his name, he looked back and saw me right away with confusion. I looked down. I couldn’t help him. _Run Josh please, get out of here before they…_

Soon Josh was on the ground. He was pinned by two guys, as three kicked his sides in and one punched his beautiful, kitten squinting face. He wasn’t smiling, though. blood trickled out of his probably broken nose. I should be helping him. It was my **job** to protect him and I'm standing here watching. I was frozen. Josh blacked out and I ran away. Ran home, slamming the door behind me. What day was it? What time was it? Sunday morning? No, wait, Saturday. It’s Saturday. I started to hyperventilate. 

**“Oh my god you fucking dumbass! Josh is gonna hate you forever now! Just like Brendon, but worse, you’re his fucking soul mate and you didn’t even tell them to leave you alone. You ran away like the coward you are. Your gonna set the house on fire Tyler, the oven is on, can you smell the smoke? There’s a pan in the oven Tyler. Can you smell the melting metal? The fire?”** I gasped for a breath. My hands clawed at my face and hands. I was worthless. Josh hates me now, just like Brendon had. What’s my reason for living now?  **"The faucets are running too. You forgot to turn them off. You're wasting your parents money. You waste of space."**

“All my fault. All my fault. I’m a coward. I’m a coward. All my fault. I deserve this. I deserve this.” I couldn’t see what I was doing. Couldn’t feel what I was doing. I blacked out again. I woke up, blacked out, woke up, blacked out. What day was it?

I finally regained my strength. Josh. I have to see Josh. Josh is in the hospital, like Brendon was.

**“Why would he want to see you? You’re the reason he’s in the hospital! Dumbass!”** Blurry screamed. I covered my ears. What day it is? I don’t care, I need to see Josh. I pulled myself up, stumbling. I ran into everything. I must have blacked out again. 

I was now at the hospital. 

“Josh Dun, I need to see Josh. Please, what room is he in?” I asked the receptionist. She said something into a black object and a big guy in white came out. Everything was blurred.

“Sir, your bleeding majorly.” The big guy said, now supporting my weight. They got some kind of yellow board thing. “Sir calm down, what’s your name?” The guy said. There were more people now. Why did the big guy have red dye all over him? Maybe he helped dye Josh’s hair. I haven't seen his hair yet. I wanna touch it. I bet it's soft.

“I need to see Josh. I’m sorry Joshie, I’m sorry I let them hurt you!” I yelled. “Don’t tell my parents I’m here, they can’t know, they can’t know about Josh. Please, they’ll kick me out if they find out I’m in love with him, please where is Josh. Josh Dun please.” I sobbed. 

**“My names Blurryface and I care what you think.”** Someone sang. I closed my eyes.

“Okay, We won't tell them, what’s your name sweetheart?” Some woman asked, her voice was high, and easy to here over the other people shouting.

“Ty, Tyler, where’s Josh? What day it is? What time is it?”

“I don’t know any Josh’s, I can check on the computer where he is, but you have to work with me first. It’s Sunday, Tyler, hey c’mon buddy, stay awake. It’s Sunday, and it’s 10 pm.” I nodded. 

**“Friday’s will always be better than Sunday’s cause Sunday’s are my suicide days… Oh look Ty, it’s Sunday!”** I heard someone laugh. Like an evil villian.

“I’m Debby, Tyler. Can you stay awake for me?” I nodded. “Tyler, Ty, bud, Josh isn’t at this hospital. Do you want me to take your phone and call him?” 

“Bailey! Call Bailey. Don’t wanna bother Josh. If he’s asleep in the hospital, don't bother him. He doesn’t sleep well when he’s not in his bunk.”

“Tyler, how about you talk to me about Josh? You said to the doctor you were in love with him?”

“Yeah, I am... don’t tell my parent... PLEASE! Please don’t tell them!” I panicked. “They can’t know I'm g-.”

“Hey, hey, hey, I won’t tell Tyler. Tell me about Josh, Tyler.” I closed my eyes to picture his face but Debby told me to keep my eyes open so I did. 

“His face is nice, like when he smiles. Not when it’s being kicked in. Why do you keep saying my name. His teeth are pearly, and straighter that my homophobic parents. He’s caring, like he always says ‘Tyler, you gotta eat’ or “Ty, you gotta calm down and take your medicine’. Bye Bye Debs, I’m kinda tired. Tell Josh I’m sorry will ya?”

“No Tyler! Hey c’mon, stay awake. Why does Josh need to be told you’re sorry?” I kept my eyes closed. I gulped.

“I hurt him. He’s in the hospital because of me, debs. I hurt him. I hurt him. He needs to know I’m sorry. It’s all my fault. My fault. Why does my stomach hurt?” I frowned.

“Tyler did you take any pills?” Someone asked.

“Yeah, I took my OCD medicine. It’s gone now. I’m good."

“Tyler, how much did you take?” I couldn’t see.

 "Where’s Josh?”

I blacked out again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Braces friggin suck. Just sayin.


	9. Cause Sundays are my Suicide Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ****Major Trigger Warning****  
> Please don't read if you are sensitive to mentions of suicide and self-harm. I'll leave a brief description of what happened in the bottom notes if you decide not to read it. Please stay safe my friends!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My face hurt. Braces friggin suck. Owie.

**Josh’s POV**

Brendon found me after I woke up and called him. He took me to his house. He called Bailey, while cleaning me up. I had a broken nose, bruised ribs and my chest was covered in purple. He said I would be okay. I went home the next morning. I took a lot of medicine. Bails didn’t ask about what happened, just made sure I was getting rest. The bruises on my side left easily, my nose hurt bad though. It hurt to breathe. By the time it was 8, I felt a lot better. I could stand and walk.

When I had spent the night at Brendon’s, I didn’t have a dream thing with Tyler, he was gone. It was just black. No piano or drums. Something was wrong, ever since Tyler and I went to the fair the day we found out we were soulmates, I’ve always had dreams with him in it. Always singing. I always drummed. Every night.

“No drums or skateboarding till your ribs heal or I’ll make your death look like an accident.” Bailey threatened me with a spatula when she notice I was staring at the drum kit. Mom was working the night shift at the hospital, siblings all doing their own thing in their rooms. “Josh, pancakes, eat.” She said, placing a plate of pancakes on my lap. I was still in my room.

“Um, am I going to sch-”

“No way! You might have broken a rib. You're lucky I let you walk around.” I rolled my eyes. Bailey can be a good, but bossy nurse.

“Fine, will you at least stay home with me?” I asked, already knowing her answer already.

“Absolutely. Erin comes Tuesday, so there’s nothing about Monday that’s special.” I smiled. Wincing in pain because of my nose. Then it came back to me, Tyler ran away. I’m glad he didn’t try to fight. They would have hurt him too. I grabbed my phone.

Sent: Hey Ty

I waited for a response. He usually answered in less than two minutes. Nothing but radio silence. I’m sure he was just busy now, it was Sunday and his family was super religious so they might be helping the church or something. It was now 11, I couldn’t sleep. Something was wrong. I brushed it off. My sides hurt more now, and it felt like someone was trying to pump my stomach. My head felt funny. Bailey wasn’t asleep, she was reading next to me.

“Go to sleep Joshie.” She said, her eyes still skimming the pages. “You need to rest. Drink some water.” I drank some water and laid back down. I couldn’t shake the uneasiness in my stomach. Where was Tyler? Why hasn’t he answered me? Bailey’s phone rang. It was Tyler’s phone number.

“Hey, Ty?” Bailey asked, wondering why he had called her and not me. She didn’t say anything for a long time. Her face dropped. “Oh. Oh, my… Okay, yeah we’re on our way. Please keep him stable. Jesus. Okay, thanks.” She hung up.

“Bailey? What’s wrong? Is Tyler okay?” Bailey grabbed my shirt, lifting it to see my bruised chest. There were faint red lines all over my chest. They were everywhere. My gut twisted. “Coat, c’mon Josh. Ty’s in the hospital.” She threw my jacket and shoes at me, both of us forgetting about my injuries.

Tyler? My Tyler? The hospital? What’s with the red lines? I pulled my shoes on. I was in sweatpants. Bailey dragged me out of the house. Dad’s car was outside. She started the car and we drove to the hospital.

“Tyler Joseph. He was asking for Josh Dun. This is Josh Dun. I’m his plus one.” The receptionist nodded sadly as Bailey spoke quickly. A nurse came out. She had bright red hair.

“Hey, I’m Debby. You must be Josh?” I nodded. We shook hands.

“Where’s Tyler?” I asked.

“Josh, we need to talk, you might want to sit. Tyler is going to be okay, though.” She led me to a hospital room. Bailey stayed outside. Debby closed the door. I sat down.

 

“Josh, are you Tyler’s soulmate?” I nodded. “Do you have lines on your chest?” I nodded.

“What are they?” I asked. Why did I have them?

“Josh, Tyler came to the hospital. His t-shirt was soaked in blood. He was asking for your room number.” I furrowed my eyebrows. “He thought you were in the hospital. I don’t know why maybe you do?”

“I was beaten up… Tyler was there, but he ran away. I’m not mad, I’m glad he ran. He must have thought I went to the hospital.”

“Okay. He was screaming for us to tell you he was sorry, that it was his fault, and not to tell his parents that he was gay.”

“Don’t please. Don’t tell them any of this. Send the hospital bill to me. You have to understand, his parents are super strict Christians, they’ll kick him out, disown him if they knew.” Debby nodded like she understood.

“Okay, we won't tell Tyler’s parents he’s gay, that’s not our place. Where are they?” I told him they were in California for a week. “Okay, that will be enough time for him to recover from most of what happened. So since your by law his family because of the soulmate thing, I can tell you what he did.”

“Is he gonna be okay?” I asked immediately.

“Physically yes. He lost a lot of blood because of self-inflicted injuries. We have reason to believe he tried overdosing on some kind of medication. He said something about his OCD medication.” My stomach twisted at the mention of self-inflicted injuries. That was the red lines that littered my hips and chest… and new ones popped up every other day.

“His OCD medicine, yeah.” I buried my face in my hands, trying to control my breathing. “God… my poor baby boy.” I left him alone. I should have saved him. Should have realized he was hurting. I should have…

“We’ve pumped his stomach, he’s in sort of a stable position, he’ll be in here in about an hour, unconscious. He might not wake up until tomorrow. We’ll only be able to allow you in here. If anyone else comes, you’ll have to talk to them outside. We don’t want to overwhelm him when he wakes up. I think it would be a good idea if he saw you when he woke up, so you can tell him you’re not mad. Also, the doctor has ruled this out as attempted suicide.” She said slowly.

“What do you mean sort of stable?” I ignored the attempted suicide part, not ready to accept that that’s what happened.

“He’s severely malnourished and dehydrated, he could slip into a coma at any time. We’re doing our best Josh. He’s more likely to wake up tomorrow than go into a coma, so we just have to hope for now.” She took my hands into hers.

“Thank you, Debby.” I sighed.

“No problem, Josh, get some sleep. You look like shit.” I laughed. It sounded hollow and fake. Tears streamed my face. Tyler could have died. Tyler could still die. He would have if he didn’t go to the hospital looking for me. Tyler ignored his own health because he was scared I was mad at him. He would die thinking I hated him.

That’s when it clicked. Tyler must have thought I hated him like Brendon had before. The guys that beat me used homophobic slurs, like that was their motivation. Like they had with Brendon. They beat me, that’s probably why Tyler thought I was in the hospital. Brendon was in the hospital for a few days because of them. Tyler saw me pass out. My heart ached for that boy, my boy, my baby boy.

I don’t know how long I sat in that chair, just thinking of how stupid I was to ignore the signs, or not putting Tyler before myself. Soon they wheeled Tyler in on a bed. The doctor explained everything, how when he wakes up, do not let him sit up or he’ll rip his wounds open. He didn’t need stitches, and he didn’t pass out from blood loss, but it didn’t help. Lack of food, nutrients and water was the problem. I couldn’t bring myself to looking at him, the doctor or Tyler.  

Tyler spends all of Saturday and Sunday, like this, going in and out of consciousness. Dying and thinking I was mad at him. Thinking I hated him like Brendon had for so long because he was afraid to help.

“I’d suggest you sleep Josh, you look… like you need it.” I nodded, rubbing my face. The doctor left. I pulled myself together, and looked over at Tyler. He laid there, so still. His perfect tanned skin turned a light grey. Darker circles appeared around his closed eyes. He wore no shirt, but the bandages wrapped up and all around his small frame. Bandages wrapped around his arms too, like a mummy. _Tyler isn’t dead_. I had to remind myself. He surely didn’t look like he was alive, but the beeping monitor said otherwise.

I looked around the room, the curtains weren’t right, or the sink, or the cups, or any of it. Tyler liked 4’s, everything needed to be done four times. If Tyler woke up to this, he would  freak out. I can’t let him get up and do it when he wakes up. I stood. I fixed all of it, everything was grouped into 4’s. The cups were in groups of four with four in each stack. I threw one away because it didn’t fit with the fours. I can’t let anything upset him more than he will be. He hasn’t had his medicine, so he would freak out if it wasn’t right.

I sat down on the rocking chair like thing next to Tyler when I was done. I took his hand in both of mine, squeezing it, and rested my head on the side of the bed. His hand was cold between mine.

It was draining to see him like this. Hooked up to machines. Tubes up his nose, in his arms, in his mouth. I felt as he looks. I needed to keep it together, though for Tyler and Bailey. 

Where was Bailey? I stood, wobbling a little, and walked into the hallway. Bailey was talking to Debby, who sat at a desk.

“Josh, hey, how you holding up?” Bailey asked. “Dude, you smell like shit. C’mon I’ll take you home to shower and get an overnight bag. I want them to check your ribs out eventually.”

“No, it’s fine. I need to stay with Tyler.” Bailey frowned, but before she could say anything, Debby stepped in.

“Josh, go home. Tyler’s under heavy medication. The earliest he’s gonna wake up is tomorrow afternoon. Go home and shower. You can come right back.” I shook my head. Bailey just sighed. I knew what was coming even before Bailey grabbed my arm and shirt collar and pushed me towards the elevator.

“You haven’t showered in like 4 days. You smell disgusting and you might have broken ribs. Sorry I care more about your well being than Tyler’s right now, but he’s not gonna wake up for a while and you need to take care of yourself.” She said stubbornly. I didn’t fight back as she dragged me to the car, or when she shoved me in the bathroom with a towel.

I showered, taking time to inspect the bruises on my sides, and the faint red lines. They covered my entire chest, from hips to shoulders. Down my arms. I thought about the tattoo I was gonna get when I turned 18 next year. A full sleeve tattoo of a tree. I haven't told Tyler about that yet, if he wakes up I will.

 _Stop using if, Josh, he will wake up, he will, he will, he will._ I got out of the shower to see Bailey had packed an overnight bag.

“I told Momma Dun, she said it’s fine if you stay at the hospital, as long as she gets to check out your ribs tomorrow morning.” I nodded. I checked the time, 2 in the morning. “I’m gonna drop you off there, and you’re gonna get some sleep, okay?” I nodded. “Josh, words, I need to know your okay.” She snapped in my face.

“I’m fine, there’s just a pain in my chest like it’s been hollowed out or something. I’ll be fine, cmon let’s go.” I was eager to get to Tyler, to watch over him, protect him.

Once we got to the hospital, I was allowed into Tyler’s room. Bailey left, kissing my cheek, and demanding I sleep. I walked over to the rocking chair I had sat in previously. It was a recliner as well and now had a pillow and blanket. A note from Debby saying she doesn’t have the night shift, but the nurse will be in every 30 minutes and there watching him closely.

“Hey baby.” I said absentmindedly. Maybe if I talked, he would hear me and wake up sooner. “Um, I’m not mad. I’m actually really glad you ran away. They would have hurt you too, and it would have been passed to your parents. I get it Tyler. It’s okay. I know you’re in a lot of pain, but you gotta take that pain and ignite it, fight it Tyler. Put your mind on a leash and make it obey you. Please Tyler, wake up soon.” I held his unresponsive hand. I was able to continue holding it as I fell asleep in the recliner.

I could hear him, his angelic, sweet, high voice. I couldn’t see him, but his voice was enough to calm me down. If this was a shared dream, that meant Tyler was still fighting. I could make out the words now. He was improvising, like he was just now making it. It was still good though. Then the lyrics came, like the words I had said to him, but stretched and explained more than what I had really said.

______________________________________________________________________________

Bailey’s POV

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fucking shit bitch cunt whore slut. This is such bullshit. FuCkInG sHiT mAn. JoSH aNd TyLeR dEsErVe sO mUcH mOrE. WhY?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who didn't read. (Know that it's okay if you didn't):  
> Brendon finds Josh after he was beaten up. Josh is cared for. Debby the nurse from the last chapter calls Bailey and Bailey takes Josh to the hospital. Debby explains Tyler's injuries that were self-inflicted. Tyler overdosed as well but they saved him. Bailey takes Josh home to shower, then takes him back on the condition that he gets his ribs x-rayed because they might be broken. The chapter ends with Josh dreaming and he can hear Tyler singing improvised music.


	10. And I'll be holding into you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smol bean wakes up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My face hurts so bad omg braces why?

Tyler’s POV

I could hear him. His voice, ringing through my ears. I couldn’t move, but I could feel his warm hands holding mine. I could feel his presence, but I couldn’t open my eyes. I sat there for so long, just wanting to get up and hold him. 

“Um, I’m not mad. I’m actually really glad you ran away.” I was confused for a second before I remembered. “They would have hurt you too, and it would have been passed to your parents. I get it, Tyler, it’s okay. I know you’re in a lot of pain, but you gotta take that pain and ignite it, fight it, Tyler. Put your mind on a leash and make it obey you. Please, Tyler, wake up soon.” Josh fell asleep soon after, still holding my hand. I wanted to squeeze his finger’s, let him know I’m listening, but I couldn’t move. 

So I waited in that darkness, waiting for Josh to appear. If it was a shared dream, I could tell him everything. I waited for a long time in the suffocating silence of the abyss. Then my piano was there, all 88 keys. 88 divided by 4 was 22. Two plus two is four. Four. That’s why I loved the piano and music. 4 beats a measure. Also why I loved the ukulele. 4 strings, 4 fingers.

_ I could hear the drums, but I couldn’t see him. “I’m taking over my body, back in control no more shotty. I bet a lot of me was lost, T’s uncrossed and I’s undotted. I fought it a lot and it seems like flesh is all I got, not anymore, flesh out the door. Swat!” I twitched and jerked. Many would think I was losing my mind. Maybe I am. “ _ _ You are surrounding all my surroundings. Sounding down the mountain range of my left-side brain. You are surrounding all my surroundings. Twisting the kaleidoscope, behind both of my eyes.” Josh’s words came back to me. The drums were louder now like he was trying to speak to me. I sang louder.  _

_ “ _ _ Remember the moment you know exactly where you're goin' 'cause the next moment before you know it time is slowin' and it's rolling still and the window sill looks really nice, right? You think twice about your life, it probably happens at night, right? Fight it, take the pain, ignite it. Tie a noose around your mind. Loose enough to breathe fine and tie it to a tree tell it, you belong to me, this ain't a noose this is a leash and I have news for you. You must obey me!” _

The drums were gone, and the last word rang out around the black empty space. I was in silence again. 

Then I remembered Josh’s new hair color. The fact that I haven't gotten to see his hair, made me want to wake up more. I started with my fingers, thinking of it like sleep paralysis. My fingers twitched. Then I was able to move my arm, and soon my entire body. There was something in my mouth. I spit it out and looked at Josh. He looked deep in thought or maybe sleeping.

“What’s on your mind, Joshua William Dun?” I got out. I could speak now. Everything was able to move. Josh looked up, wide-eyed. My vision was blurred a little.

“Tyler, don’t move, I’ll get a nurse and she’ll help.” I blinked till I could see properly. Josh looked okay, nose a bit puffy and crooked, but I love it. His hair was bright red, pulled into a red snapback. Josh looked really fucking hot with that snapback. A nurse came in and took the weird tube thing out of my mouth. "Oh god, baby please don't ever leave me ag-"

“Josh, I’m so sorry.” I managed. Tears threatened to spill. Josh was already crying and it made my heart sink into my stomach. 

“Stop it. Don’t start, Tyler. It wasn’t your fault.” He said with a frown. I looked down at myself, suddenly aware I was shirtless in front of Josh. I looked gross. Bandages everywhere. He seemed to notice my discomfort. “You look great, baby boy, don’t worry about it.” I forced a smile that he probably knew was fake. He smiled back anyway. 

“Okay, Tyler.” the nurse said. I looked to her. “You're gonna be here for about four more days, depending on how quickly you heal. We’re gonna have your other doctor, Mr. J, come in and talk to you. Josh can stay in the room if you’d like.” I nodded. She left after saying something to Josh.

“Tyler, I want you to know that I’m not mad, or upset with you. Honestly, I could care less I was beaten up. I’m just upset you didn’t try to call me or ask me for help.” I scooted over in my bed, leaving room for Josh to lay. He took my invite. I was still on my back, but he was on his side next to me.

“You were in trouble Josh, I thought they would put you in the hospital, like Brendon.” I twirled my thumbs, biting my lip. “I didn’t know I did this to myself, Josh. I blacked out, I didn't mean to. What did I do?” I truly didn’t know why I was there besides the bandages. Those didn't leave much to the imagination. 

“You took an estimated 16 of your OCD medication. Did what you usually do to your hip, but to all of your chest and...” He squeezed his eyes shut like he was in pain. He looked so drained, tired like a dead man walking. I did that to him, he barely slept because of me. “You came to the hospital, looking for me, and they took you in as soon as they saw your shirt soaked in… y’know.”  _ Blood. _ I blinked slowly. I came here because I needed to apologize to Josh. Why wasn't Josh in his own hospital room?

“I was trying to get my head cleared. I lost track of time, and I felt out of control. I thought it was 12 hours in between each 4 I had to take. What day is it?” I asked

“Monday. It’s 3:46.” That helped a little. 

“I didn’t mean to do this, Josh. I’m so sorry.” I rambled apologize. 

“Baby boy, stop.” I shut my mouth, his voice was low and serious. “I’m just glad you’re okay, okay?” I nodded.

“Please don’t leave me,” I whispered, turning slightly to bury my face in his shoulder. 

“As long as you never leave me.” He kissed my forehead.

"Then I'll be holding onto you." I mumbled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry the chapter is so short.


	11. I Don't Care What's in Your Hair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time skip because I can.

Josh’s POV

It had been a month since Tyler got home from the hospital. I met Tyler’s parents. They seemed like nice people, but I was skeptical. I said I was a friend of Tyler’s and they thought nothing of it, well his dad didn’t. His mom winked at me a lot whenever I sat by Tyler or made any kind of physical contact. She never did it with Tyler’s dad in the room, though. I have a feeling that when Tyler’s ready to come out, his mom won't really mind. His dad, on the other hand, was a complete asshole. He made fun of Tyler a lot, but not in a joking way.

Tyler hung out with my friends a lot now. Everyone was supportive too. Brendon especially. Brendon and Tyler actually hung out alone together and they’ve been pretty close. Not as close as him and I, but Brendon had no problem with Tyler anymore. Ty still doesn't sit with us at lunch, but I don't mind because then I can talk about how cute and amazing he is. 

I went to Tyler’s about every other day. Today, as I walked into his driveway, he grinned and made a free throw. He shouted “Five-Hundred!” 

“Yeah right.” I scoffed. He rolled his eyes, but we walked downstairs to his bedroom anyway. “Tyler, can I see?” I asked, motioning to his chest. My red lines were completely gone now. He nodded, lifting his shirt up and off. 

“They don’t hurt anymore.” He smiled. They looked a lot better. Not swollen or puffy. Most were gone, some were close to gone. I pulled him in for a hug. He hugged back after a few seconds, remembering we were alone.

“I’m so proud of you, Ty, so so proud of you.” He sighed contently. 

“I wrote you a song…” He mumbled into my chest. My head snapped up. I smiled. “It’s not very good, um, nevermind.” He pulled away while scratching the back of his head.

“Tyler, have you had any dreams with me in them, like us playing music together?” I asked. He nodded slowly. “I think we’ve been sharing dreams. So that means I’ve heard your music before, just not live. I don’t care if it’s good or not, as long as it’s you. You don’t have to. Not if you're not ready.” Tyler smiled, placing his hand up as to say ‘stay here’, and he ran out of the room.

I waited for him to come back. When he did, he held a ukulele. I smiled, he looked so cute holding it. He looked so small with it, I could have burst.

“Ready?” I nodded. He began to play some chords, they sounded pretty nice. They all just seemed to fit together. “Yeah, yeah, yeah!” He began. I laughed a little. “Shut up, this is serious!” He said with no bite to it. “We don’t believe what's on tv because it’s what we want to see, and what we want, we know we can't believe. We have all learned to kill our dreams. I need to know, that when I fail, you’ll still be here, mmmm, cause if you stick around, I’ll sing you pretty sounds, and we’ll make money selling your hair.” I grabbed at my hair and pouted. Tyler smiled. 

“But I don’t care what's in your hair,” Didn’t he text me that once? “I just wanna know what’s on your mind,” he said that at the hospital I think. “I use to say I wanna die before I’m old, but because of you, I might think twice. Yeah yeah yeah!” 

“What if my dream does not happen? Would I just change what I’ve told my friends? Don’t wanna know who I would be when I wake up from a dreamer’s sleep.” I sat and listened. I smiled because he looked so much better singing live than in my dreams. He finished to my disappointment.

“That was amazing!” I grinned, pulling him into a hug. He returned it.

“Thanks, but I think it’s missing something…” He bit his cheek in thought. 

“Like what?” I asked, not getting what could be missing from his art. It was so beautiful and personal, what could be missing.

“Drums?” He said, with a hopeful gleam. My heart swelled. He wanted me to add drums? What if I messed it up and made his song sound horrible?

“Oh, are you gonna hire some hot drummer to do it?” I smirked. I decided to push my doubts away because playing music with him in dreams is amazing and he’s so much better live, so by theory, it should be 10 times better than in the dreams.

“Nah, I’ve got a reasonably hot one that will do it for free.” He nudged my shoulder. I nodded my head and smiled. “Dude this is gonna be sick.” He grinned his crookedly beautiful smile.

“So sick!” I clarified. Everything seemed to be getting just a little bit better every day. 

**A week later**

Tyler and I were laying down in the forest behind his house. It was dark out now, last day of fall. I gave him my hoodie, so I was pretty cold. I wasn’t about to admit that. We were both happily enjoying just being with each other, neither speaking. Tyler broke the silence first.

“I think I’m gonna come out to my mom.” He said slowly. He squinted his eyes at the stars above. I sat up, looking at him. Looking to see if he was joking.

“Tyler, you don’t have to. I’m fine with what we have now.”

“Josh…” I stopped rambling. He seemed calmer about this than I did. I was scared for Tyler. “I talk to my mom, one on one this morning. We talked about deep things, it was really nice. She said she really didn’t care about people’s sexualities. She said she could care less, as long as they’re happy. She smiled at me and I think she might have her suspicions about my sexuality.” 

“What about your dad?” Tyler shook his head, still looking at the stars. 

“Not till I’m out of here. I don’t care that he doesn’t know. My mom’s really important to me, and I think it’s time that she knew."

“Are you going to tell her that you're gay, or about us?” I was still worried. He sat up, still looking to the sky.

“Both. If that's okay with you.” He looked to me now. “She really likes you. We talked about you too. She likes the fact that you dye your hair because you want to express yourself. She also really likes the piercings.” He laughs and I’m guessing there’s more to that than he’s letting on.

“That’s great. I’m really happy for you Ty.” I took his hand. 

“I also really like the piercings.” He smirks, leaning closer. Before I had time to react, he was straddling me. His lips pressed firmly to mine. I brought one hand up to cup his face, the other kept me propped up. He ground down slightly making a low groan emit from the both of us. He pulled away blushing. I was too, but I pushed aside the embarrassment and attacked his neck and jaw.

“Shit, Josh.” I laughed against his warm skin. Tyler was making tiny, high-pitched, almost moans that were a huge fucking turn on. “Mmm, Josh, stop.” I pulled away to study his facial feature and body language. He didn’t seem uncomfortable, or unsure for that matter. He was smiling.

“Ty, what’s up?” I asked, still a little concerned that I pushed his boundaries.

“My mom’s calling.” I heard a faint ‘Tyler!’ in the distance. I laughed as he got up. “Might wanna hide that, or she’ll definitely figure out I’m gay.” He winked. I looked down at the tent in my pants. He walked away, that piece of shit. My piece of shit, I reminded myself

“I think she’ll figure it out when she sees my hoodie on you.” He laughed. I walked faster to catch up. Tyler had a way in this forest. He could climb every tree, walk effortlessly around without really paying attention.

“I’m keeping it on... unless you're cold.” He pouted at first. He looked back at me, slowing his pace as I caught up. 

“Nah, I’m good.” I lied for two reasons. One, Tyler was cold and I wasn’t gonna have it. Two, he looked really cute in it. It was a little big on him so the tent in his pants was covered. That lucky duck.

His mom did notice the jacket. She smiled and winked at me when Tyler wasn’t looking. She picked at her collar and looked from me to him. I laughed. Yeah, she probably knew Tyler was gay but didn’t want to pressure Tyler into telling her. Momma Joseph was a saint. Too bad her soulmate’s an asshole *cough* Tyler’s dad *cough*. 

“Mom, can I talk to you after Josh goes home?”

“Of course sweetie.” She smiled. She had this weird ‘I know what this is about’ look but said nothing else as we went inside. After a while of talking to Tyler’s mom, Bailey texted me.

Bails: DuDe HoLy FuDgE cOmE hOmE nOw

Ty laughed when I showed him, and he told me to go. I knew he wanted to talk to his mom, so before I left I whispered to him.

“Text me how it goes, and if for some reason it doesn’t go well, come on over.” He just smiled, giving me a thumbs up. Once I got home, Bailey was laying on the ground. She was curled into a ball.

“Josh, ow, get me the heating pad.” She groaned. 

“I’m on it!” I grabbed the heating pad, a bottle of water, and a bowl of ice cream.

“You're the best.” She forced a smile. 

“I know. I’m gonna head to the store and get chocolate and strawberries, then we can watch a movie.” I got her to sit up on my bed. I blurted out that Tyler was telling his mom about him and I and left before she could say anything.

______________________________________________________________________________

Tyler’s POV

I was a nervous wreck inside, masking it behind a cheerful smile as Josh left. I shuffled into the kitchen, where my mom was now reading. she looked up.

“Where’s dad?” I asked sitting down across from her.

“Some teacher convention in the town over. What’s up baby?”

“You remember this morning how you said you didn’t care about people’s sexualities, as long as they were happy?” She put her book down. 

“Yes, and I stand by what I said. Why bring it back up?” She was smirking and I knew she knew. I gulped.

“Well, what if Jay or Zack liked… guys…” Why did I phrase it that way? I cringed. 

“I wouldn’t love them any less than I do now.” I relaxed. She seemed so unphased

“Okay, um… Why do you always say it’s a sin then.”

“Honey, think about every time I’ve ever said it.” She took my hands. “Where was your father?”

“Right next to you…” I realized. Mom was just as scared of him as I was. “So, if I told you I was gay, you wouldn’t kick me out or hate me?” There was a long pause.

“Absolutely not! If anything I would be proud of you for telling me. It must take a lot of courage to do so.”

“Well, I’m gay, momma… and I have a...” Josh and I never made it official. Yeah, we made out, went on secret dates, did all those couple things, but we never really established exactly what we were. Boyfriends? “My soul mark. I have a soul mark.” I decided.

“Oh, honey that’s amazing! What’s his name?” Yep, she knew. She used ‘his’. My heart fluttered. 

“Josh, it’s Josh.” She put a hand on her heart, making the face you make when you see a really cute animal. She practically climbed over the island table to hug me.

“I’m so proud of you Tyler and he’s such a sweet boy.” She fanned her face with her hand. I laughed while blushing. “And Tyler, I won’t tell your father. That’s for you to decide. I’ll be with you when you do.”

“Thank you, mom, I love you.” We hugged, tears streaming my face. Tears of joy, happiness, every good feeling flooded through me. 

“Not a problem, baby, I love you too. Oh, and when your father goes on his business trip thing next week, I want to have dinner with Josh and you. I have to give him the talk.” 

“Mooooooom.” I fake groaned.

“And show him all your baby picture.” She beamed.

“Don’t you dare!” I gasped dramatically.

“Maybe break out the home videos? What about the one with Zack and his friends doing that music video?” She nudged my shoulder. 

“Mom, you can show pictures, just please no home videos!” I said dramatically. I was so emotionally exhausted. All the nervousness and joy, making me extremely tired. We talked for a little longer. Mostly about Josh. She didn’t even blink when I admitted that I was falling hard, she just smiled from ear to ear.

Finally, I was able to go to my room. I grabbed my ukulele. I remember when I first bought it. I was looking at guitars, but I didn’t like the six strings. I was considering just taking two off and going from there. I had forgotten to take my medicine that morning, so I was having minor troubles. When I saw the four string instrument, though, I bought it immediately.

Christmas break is in a week. Awkward family dinners and snot nosed brats messing everything up. I hated it. Love Christmas. Hate the kids that ran around and messed everything up. Their parents didn't understand my frustration with having things be even or in group or multiples of fours. 

I didn't sleep that night. My stomach was too empty, it kept me awake. So did Blurry. I grabbed my phone to text Josh about 3 am.

_ Sent: hey, my Mom's super supportive. It went really well and she promised not to tell my father _

_ Josh: that's great baby! Can't wait to see you tomorrow ;) _

_ Sent: keep it in your pants for now big guy  _

_ Josh: but I can't stop thinking about you _

_ Sent: dude gross _

_ Sent: and I can't stop thinking about you either ;) _

_ Josh: my mom’s invited you over for dinner, you don't have to go if you don't want to. It'll be my parents and us only.  _

I smiled, knowing he purposely made it 4 people so I wouldn't get uncomfortable. Also, the sexual innuendos made me laugh a little too loud. 

_ Sent: sounds like a plan. Can't wait. What are you doing up? We have school tomorrow! _

_ Josh: can't sleep. I could ask the same to you and me.you'd say you can't sleep either so don't give me any shit  _

_ Sent: okay fine, it's not that I can't sleep. Just been thinking  _

_ Josh: you mean overthinking? What about? _

_ Sent: idk, nothing of importance  _

_ Josh: anything affecting your health/sleep is important. What's up baby boy? _

_ Sent: it'd be better to tell over the phone, texting can be confusing  _

My phone began to ring. I answered it, knowing Josh wanted to talk.

“Hey tyjo. What's keeping you awake?” Josh's voice came through. I instantly felt better just hearing his voice. “Don't worry, Bailey is at Erin's so you I’m alone. You can talk to me.”

“Hi.” I squeaked. My heart was hammering in my chest like it usually did when I was forced to talk about feelings and stuff. “Um, it's kinda just been two things bothering me.”

**“Jeez, you're so annoying. Josh doesn't actually care, he's just gonna leave you like everyone else.”**

“Shut up,” I snapped. “Not you Josh! Sorry, I'm sorry.”

“Tyler, it's fine. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want too. It would help me understand if you did.”

“Um, it would help if you… um, if you said something you were worried about, not something involving me. That doesn't really make sense, sorry, um.”

“Okay, I can do that if it helps you,” Josh said. I could practically hear his smile. “Let's see, I'm worried about Bailey and Erin’s relationship. Erin can be really mean to Bailey sometimes and I'm scared she'll get hurt.”

“I'll help you bury the body if Erin does hurt Bailey.” Josh laughed, then waited for me to say something else. “Um, I'm worried about Christmas. We have super awkward family dinners and my cousins come over and mess everything up and everything feels out of control. My aunt and uncle don't understand my, y'know.” I didn't like saying OCD cause it made it too real.

“Does your mom know it makes you uncomfortable?”

“No, not really.”

“Maybe you can talk to her, and have her explain OCD a bit better to your Aunt and Uncle.”

“Yeah maybe…” I mumbled.

“What else is on your beautiful mind?” I blushed even though it was such a quick compliment. My mind was a mess, yet somehow he thought it was beautiful. I wasn't sure how to ask him. 

“Whatarewe.” I blurted too quickly. My heart started to hammer harder.

“What was that? Sorry, I think my phone glitched.” He said though I knew he didn't think that. 

“What. Are. We?” I said slower, nervously playing with my shaky hands. 

“Well, for now, we don't have a label on it. So whatever you want us to be, I'm fine with. It's up to you Ty.”

“What do y-y-you want us to be?”  I stuttered out. I was shaking 

“Boyfriends, but I understand if you aren't ready for that or don't want that kind of relationship.”

“No, I'm ready Josh. I want that, but we can't be open about it. I'm so sorry.” It’s not fair to Josh if we can’t be open.

“Tyler, I could care less about us being closeted. As long as I can officially call you mine in my head and to our friends who know, I'll be the luckiest boy alive.” I smiled. I was still shaking.

“So, um… does one of us have to like, get down on a knee and ask?” I was half joking half serious.

“Tyler Joseph, will you be my boyfriend?” I could imagine him on one knee. 

“Nah, that’s gay, dude.” I shrugged with a grin. I could almost picture Josh pouting. “I’m kidding, baby, hell yes I want to be your boyfriend.”

“Okay, boyfriend, get some sleep will ya?” I nodded, forgetting we were on the phone.

“I’ll try, will you stay on the phone with me until I do?” I asked. I sounded like a little kid that's afraid of the monsters in his closet. Even though I'm the one in the closet.

“How about we skype on our laptops. I wanna see your cute little face.” I blushed. I was still shaking a little, just my hands, so I don't think he’d see. I grabbed my laptop, turning on the lamp so Josh would be able to see me. I laid back down on my side with my laptop in front of me. Soon I got the notification that Josh was calling.

“There’s my baby.” He smiled. He looked really tired. He was also laying on his side. It felt almost like he was laying beside me. I could see myself on the corner. I didn’t look nearly as good as Josh did.  “What’s wrong beautiful? Your face is all scrunched.” He looked a little concerned. 

**“He could do so much better, why stay with you.”** Blurry laughed. I flinched.

“S’okay, just wish you were really here beside me,” I said yawning. Josh being there made me feel safer. 

“Me too, Lemon.” I giggled at the nickname. He smiled his tiger teeth smile. His eyes crinkled in the corners. “One day we will every day, though, I mean if you want.” Josh seemed to doubt himself. The thought of waking up to Josh every morning made my heart flutter. “Get some sleep baby boy, I’ll watch over you.”

“You too, Josh, get some sleep.”

“I will when you fall asleep.” I just yawned again and closed my eyes. “Good night baby boy, and happy birthday." Oh yeah, it was technically December 1st now. Our one year anniversary was going to be on my birthday. Woah.  I was also going to be in college then. Woah. "Stop overthinking things, Ty. I can practically hear the gears turning." Josh grumbled. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somethings up with Bailey. Tyler's freaking adorable. Josh is a bean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have done nothing productive at all today.

Josh’s POV

Okay, so I didn’t sleep. You wouldn’t too if the cutest birthday boy ever was snoring softly next to you. Well almost next to you, through a screen. I promised to watch over him, didn’t I? His eyes fluttered every so often, and he smiled lightly sometimes. He talked in his sleep too. It was cute for a while, little-forgotten words like ‘Josh’ and ‘cute’. After a while, though, Tyler’s face scrunched up again. He did that when he was upset. 

His little-mumbled words started to shift to sentences and whimpers. 

“No. No. No. No. Josh. Josh. Josh. Josh, please. Don’t leave. Don’t leave me alone.” I couldn’t take it, watching him so upset. I decided to wake him from what seems to be a nightmare. The repeated words of four was a little worrying. 

“Tyler? Baby, wake up.” I repeated this till his eyes finally fluttered open. “Hey, you okay?”

“Please don’t leave me.” My heart shattered as he spoke.

“Ty, I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here.” After a while of repeating those eight words, he calmed down. “Wanna tell me what happened?” He gulped.

“Y-you didn’t.” He hiccuped. “You didn’t want me anymore. You were with someone else.” The thought of anyone ever cheating on Tyler hurt, much more so because it was I who cheated. “You were leaving me.”

“Tyler, you're my boyfriend remember? You're also my soulmate, I have your name engraved in my knee.” He sniffled. “I’m not gonna leave you, Tyler, no matter what happens, we’ll get through it together.” He shifted. 

“Okay.” He almost squeaked. “Oh, I need to get up. Basketball practice at 6:30. I’ll see you in math, see ya Josh” It was 6.

“Bye Lemon.” He smiled. His smile made my heart melt. My heart was gonna kill me soon, first, it breaks. Now it’s melting. He hung up. I looked up to see Bailey entering the room.

“Oh, sorry I woke you.” She mumbled. She walked into the closet and back out with clothes and makeup. I frowned at the makeup in her hands. She came back after, smiled at me, the grabbed a book and sat to read next to me. She winced when she sat and my stomach dropped. I didn’t mean to stare at the makeup, but she didn’t do that great of a job hiding a black eye. “What?” She questioned.

“Nothing, just curious why you're wearing makeup.” She’s gonna say something like ‘oh I just felt like it’. I knew her so well, and there was something so wrong going on.

“I dunno, just felt like it.” Liar. She’s a bad liar. Well to everyone else she was a great liar, but she can't get past me. I was internally screaming. I’ll talk to Brendon about it. I had no doubt it was Erin’s fault. I was scared to know if it was on purpose. I knew that Erin was kinda mean sometimes, like verbally. Brendon was super protective of Bailey too, but he was my only option. 

“Looks good.” I wasn’t lying. It looked good on her. I prefer her with no makeup, it took away all the freckles and her natural pale glow. She looked really nice, but it was covering a black eye. That’s what pissed me off. The worst thing is that she didn’t tell me. Didn’t ask for help. 

We went to school in silence. We sat down in our first class. She winced again as she sat and I almost threw up. I hated seeing this. She was in pain and wasn’t telling me. 

I sat down by Tyler in second-period math. We talked most of the time. Little things like music and his dislike for basketball now. It just isn’t his thing anymore. Yes, he was REALLY good, but he doesn’t like it like he use to.

My third class was with just one friend, Brendon. I immediately pulled him away from everyone else. 

“Have you seen Bailey?”

“Yeah, what’s with the makeup? And I think she may be having an allergic reaction ‘cause her eye was a bit swollen”

“She’s hiding a black eye, Dummy.” He paused. Mouth hanging open. 

“When did she get it?” He shifted his weight from his left leg to his right. His fist slightly balled. “Didn’t she go to Erin’s last night?” I sighed.

“Do you think Erin…” I started.

“No, no, it was probably just an accident, and she doesn’t want us making a big deal.” He shook his head. Neither of us wanted to believe that Erin caused it.

“Brendon, watch Bailey when she sits down. I’m worried Brendon.”

“What do you mean when she sits down?” He said through gritted teeth. His voice grew louder. 

“Just... watch her okay.” He sighed. I didn’t want to believe it either. 

Finally, lunch came around. I sat with Brendon and Hayley. Bailey arrived with her lunch. Erin followed behind. Bailey smiled at me. She squeezed her eyes shut as she sat. Brendon looked to me immediately. Erin sat down. 

Bailey flinched. Bailey tensed. Bailey only ate her cookie. 

I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t sit and watch this. Brendon stayed calm, though. He talked to Erin normally. ‘No’, Brendon had mouthed when I glared at Erin. I stayed mostly quiet. Hayley seemed to notice all that was happening and saw right through Bailey’s makeup.

“Bren, I gotta piss, come with?” No one questioned it. I hated the bathrooms because sometimes there were jocks and they all scared me. Not Tyler, though. Brendon and I went to the bathroom. No one was there.

“Okay, there’s definitely something going on.”

“We have to do something!” I whimpered. Bailey seemed so off. I’ve only seen her so off once and that was the day of her parent's death. 

“No, Josh. We have to wait.” Brendon started. I cut it.

“Brendon you know exactly what that flinch when she sits mean. You know _ exactly _ what it means.” I huffed. 

“It might have been consensual.” He tried.

“Oh yeah, cause after your first time you're supposed to come back sore and flinching. Oh, and of course with a black eye!” I almost shouted. Brendon put a hand over my mouth.

“Sore, yes. Flinching, maybe… The black eye could have been an accident.”

“I can’t believe this.” I shook my head. “We can’t just watch this happen. We have to help her. What if it get’s worse huh? You know what she was like freshman year.” 

“That was 3 years ago, we’re graduating in may. She won’t go back there Josh, I won’t let her.”

“Okay, c’mon we should head ba-”

“Josh?” Tyler was poking around the corner. I half smiled

“Tyler?” I asked.

“Brendon?” Brendon questioned saying his own name. Tyler laughed. He walks to me, getting close to my face and squinting. I raised an eyebrow at the younger boy.

“I could sense a lot of… worry. I got a little worried when you and Brendon went into the bathroom.” Brendon made a fake gagging motion but stayed out of it. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine baby.”

“Bullshit, what’s going on?” I sighed, looking to Brendon.

“We’re just worried about Bailey. It’s nothing.” I attempted a smile. Tyler looked to Brendon. Brendon spoke up.

“Yeah, something's up with her. We’re just gonna keep an eye on her until there’s anything major that sticks out.” Tyler looked to me. “If you’d watch over her too, that’d be great.”

“No problem. See ya at dinner tonight?” I smiled and nodded. Tyler walked out after kissing my cheek. We waited a minute and came out so the jocks didn’t suspect anything. Bailey was leaning slightly on Erin, whose arm was wrapped around her waist. Bailey seemed uncomfortable. I wanted to throw up.

Bailey and I walked home after school. I decided to try and get some kind of info.

“So what’s with the black eye? Your makeups rubbing off a bit.” 

“Oh, Erin tried to teach me to dance her dance routine.” She laughed. It sounded as fake as the cheerleaders laugh. “I couldn’t do the splits and fell.” She shrugged, then changed the topic. 

Dinner with mom, dad and Tyler went great. Dad interrogated him but decided he was cool and they bonded over basketball for a bit. My dad kinda liked the idea of me dating the captain of the basketball varsity team. Although I introduced Tyler as my boyfriend, both mom and dad understood that Tyler was still closeted to everyone besides his mom, so they promised not to say anything. My mom was won over when he offered to help clean up after. Honestly,  she was won over as he walked into the kitchen, but the offer really won her over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want Josh to kick me in the face, tbh. I'd be honored and probably thank him.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CHRRRRIIIIISSSSSTTTTTMASSSSSS IN FANNNNNFFIIIICCCC LANNNNNDDD
> 
> (I'm on a lot of pain meds lol)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MY FACE HURTS AND IM SUPPOSE TO BE SLEEPING BUT I NEED TO UPDATE SO HERE IS MY TRASH. K BYE.

Bailey’s POV

Christmas was great. 

I woke up to Josh pulling me off the bottom bunk because I was lazy the night before and slept on his bed. He was whining and managed to get me on the floor. "Cmon Bails, we gotta get fat together! It's Christmas!" I groaned but got up anyway because Josh always loved Christmas. Sooner or later, Momma Dun or Papa Dun would come and yell for us to get up. 

"You're already fat, though!" I complained, and pulled on a pair of pajama pants because I shaved my legs yesterday and it felt great to sleep in booty shorts. Don't judge.

Josh’s mom planned everything like usual and we ate a ton before opening presents. That was the rule, food then presents. Josh and I made a lot of fat jokes about each other because that was a tradition on Thanksgiving or Christmas. We both knew we were joking so I never took the fat jokes seriously. Also, Josh is super muscular so all fat jokes were to piss each other off or make Momma Dun roll her eyes. 

Erin invited me to her Christmas, but Josh immediately said no. I love Erin, but I was a little glad Josh and Momma Dun said no. Didn’t want to screw up and have Erin get mad again.

Now it was time for presents, both Josh and I rolled to the Christmas tree on our stomachs, groaning and complaining how fat we were now. Momma Dun just rolled her eyes. We opened presents. Josh got new drumsticks from me, and a really cheesy sweater from Momma Dun and Papa Dun. Josh really liked his cheesy sweater, though. It had an alien on it that was supposed to be Santa and the words ‘I want to believe’. 

I got a few books that I’ve been eyeing for a while from Josh and a cheesy sweater also. It had the words ‘all I got for Christmas was this fugly sweater. I loved it. We put them on, so did Josh’s siblings. They got cheesy sweaters too.

“Bailey, you're looking a little fat in that sweater,” Josh whispered. Momma Dun just groaned.

“I know, I feel like the christmas tree is making me look fat.” I shrugged, poking my stomach.

“Same, I mean look!” He squished his stomach, which had absolutely no fat on it. We both laughed like drunk men playing cards. 

Finally, all extended family left and we were allowed to do as we pleased. Josh and I went to our rooms. Erin texted me, asking for me to come to her house. I wanted to go and hang with her family because they were nice people. I asked Momma Dun and she was okay with it. Josh just said to text me if I need. Josh didn’t really like Erin as much anymore. 

Tyler had a good Christmas apparently, and that made Josh really happy. It made me happy to see Josh so happy and to know that Tyler was doing good. I secretly worry about him a lot.

I got to Erin’s after a while. She smiled, grabbing my wrist and leading me inside. Her family was still there. We went to her room upstairs, though. She attacked my neck with kisses and bites. I pulled back.

“I thought I was coming to hang out with your family?” I questioned. She pulled me against her. I sighed. I didn't feel like it. I never felt like it. I usually just went along with it to make Erin happy, but I really wanted to be with her family and stuff.

“Nope, this is much more fun.” She smirked.

“Maybe for you,” I mumbled. She stopped kissing my neck and looked me in the eye. She was taller, towering over me. 

“What was that?” I pulled myself away again.

“I’m going home, Erin, I don’t want this.” I turned and reached for the door.

“Yes,” She grabbed my arm, pulling me back. “You do.” She pushed me to the bed. 

“No! Let me go. I don’t want this!” I practically yelled the last sentence. I pushed her off. “I’m going home, I’ll see you later baby,” I got up. She grabbed me again, slapping me. I touched my probably red cheek.

“You need me, you're nothing without me!” She spat. Holding me against her. 

“I know... but I think Josh is upset.” I lied.

“Whatever,” She shoved me towards the door. “You're about as worthless as the dirt on my shoes.” 

“I know,” I mumbled, shuffling out. I waved bye to her Father and extended family who probably heard me yell. I couldn’t go home. Josh would be worried why I was only gone for a little while. I decided to go to the music department at the school. I needed to play. Piano or drums or something, they don’t have a guilele though. 

I found my way to the music room, checking in. Some kids had permission to come in during weekends and breaks to play. If I kept my grades up and all my teachers reported no problems than they didn’t mind. I sat on the piano bench in the music room alone. I took a deep breath. 

“I feel like a 6 out of 10. I gotta get up early tomorrow again. What goes on, behind the words. Is there pity for the plain girl? Can you see the panic inside? I’m making you uneasy aren't I?” I played for what felt like minutes. Going through five different of my originals. “I’ll close my mouth. I won’t say a word. A nod of pity for the plain girl.” I heard applause. I turned, almost flinging myself off the piano.

“Woah, sorry Bailey.” It was Tyler. “Did you write that? It’s really good.”

“I uh. Um I. Uh.” I stuttered. “Yeah, um, sorry.”

“No need to apologize for stuttering, or your art. I stutter when I’m nervous too. You have a really good voice.” He sat down to my left on the bench.

“I uh… thanks.” I looked down at my hands that rested on the keys.

“Mind if I ask why you aren't at Erin’s like Josh said?” I looked down. I shook my head. I didn’t want to tell him. It wasn’t a big deal anyway. “Okay, how about I play with you?” I nodded. He played a few chords. We sang, Tyler was a good singer and I was glad he was okay with singing around me. Josh had mentioned it a lot that he was super self-conscious when it came to his voice.

“How about instead of telling me what’s wrong.” He said after a long silence. He played a chord. “You, tell me…” I understood what he meant. Play one of my songs, let him know with music.

“Talking is hard,” I said. He nodded in agreement. I started to play. It was an upbeat-ish tune. “ I'm waking up at the start of the end of the world, but it’s feeling just like every other morning before. Now I wonder what my life is going to mean if it's gone. The cars are moving like a half a mile an hour and I started staring at the passengers who're waving goodbye. Can you tell me what was ever really special about me all this time?” Tyler listened, tapping to the beat. “I believe the world is burning to the ground. Oh well, I guess, we're gonna find out. Let's see how far we've come. Let's see how far we've come.”

“Okay, another.” He said after I finished. I didn’t know what I was playing until I finished.

“I'm all busted up. Broken bones and nasty cuts. Accidents will happen, but this time I can't get up. She comes to check on me making sure I'm on my knees. After all, she's the one who put me in this state.” I stop. I said too much. Too much. Too much. My hands hit the wrong keys and I cringed. 

“Bailey…” I started to hyperventilate.

“Don’t tell Josh, or Brendon. Please, Tyler.” I looked at him. He looked afraid, then it switched to anger. He’s mad at me, isn’t he?

“Bailey, is Erin hitting you?” Tyler grabbed my elbows. I grabbed fist fulls of his shirt. 

“Don’t tell Josh. Don’t tell Brendon. Tyler please.” I pleaded. Trying to stop shaking.

“Answer me, and I won't tell.” He stated firmly.

“Yes.” I broke down. I fell forward. Tyler caught me and set me up against the side of the piano. 

“Bailey, you have to breathe. You can’t breathe like that.” He said, holding my knees down so I couldn’t curl into a ball.

“I love her Tyler. She loves me too I swear.” I struggled to breathe out. 

“Okay, I believe you, cmon Bailey. Breathe when I breathe.” I followed Tyler’s breathing, calming down after a while. “I’m gonna drive you home.” He looked sympathetic. 

“Wait.” I grabbed my phone, seeing 3 texts from Erin, I opened the front camera to see my cheek. There was a small cute from Erin's nail. I sighed. “Okay, let’s go.” I handed him my keys. He drove me in Josh and I’s car to my house. 

“Bailey, don’t do this to Josh. Please let him help,” I just sighed and got out. Tyler got out and started to walk home. I called out thanks. He didn’t react. I looked at the text from Erin.

_ Erin: Come back here _

_ Erin: baby, c’mon, you're nothing without me _

_ Erin: You need me, come back here now so we can finish. You know you want to. _

I frowned, then walked inside. Josh smiled at me, I smiled back. He frowned. 

“What’s up?” I asked. He stood, placing a hand on my cheek. Right on the cut. I winced a bit.

“Did Erin do this?” He whispered. I rolled my eyes. 

“No, I scratched myself by accident.” I laughed half-heartedly. He shook his head and we just hung out in his room the rest of the day.

**Time skip to two days before prom**

“Bailey, are we gonna go to prom?” Erin asked as we walked to English. 

“Yeah, of course! Unless you don’t want too.” I smiled. She smiled too,

“Yeah, is anyone else going?” 

“Josh is, he doesn’t have a date, though. Brendon’s gonna ask Dallon, so those two are definitely coming. Pete and Patrick are coming, but Pete’s gonna crash it and Patrick is gonna bail him out of detention or whatever punishment they decide. Hayley’s coming. Tyler’s gonna be there, but he’s going alone I think, like with his basketball team. I wish Tyler didn’t have to be in the closet, him and Josh would so be prom king and queen.” I joked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bailey sings three different songs by three different bands/people and yeah. Here's where I give credit.  
> 1) 6/10 by Dodie Clark (She's amazing, go check her out, please)  
> 2) How Far We've Come by Matchbox Twenty  
> 3) Pulling teeth by Green Day


	14. Prom night...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whoopsie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Very brief mentions of self-harm.

Josh’s POV

I really wish I could have taken Tyler to prom. Tyler is in the closet, though, and I respect that. He was going to prom with his basketball buddies. I’ll probably just hang with Hayley because she doesn’t have a date either. 

It was great because they have our prom a week before spring break starts. Brendon wouldn’t tell us what he had planned. We all just assumed he didn’t have anything yet, but when we ask about it, he’ll just grin mischievously. 

Friday came quick, and soon I was wearing a tux, standing in front of a mirror. I had no one to impress there besides Tyler but he’ll probably stay on the other side of the gym and won't be able to see me. I sighed. Bailey had finally stepped out of our closet. She looked stunning. My jaw almost hit the floor. Her green dress fit her perfectly. Her eyes popped, and her hair curled perfectly and neatly. 

“Bailey you look… Damn, Erin better treat you like a princess cause you look like one.” She blushed.

“You don’t look half bad yourself,” I laughed. She hooked her arm in mine. We walked to the car. I jokingly opened the door for her. “I’m pretty sure I’m not your date, Joshie boy.” I laughed. 

“What? Am I not allowed to be a gentleman and open a door for a pretty lady? Momma has raised me better than that!” She just shrugged. We drove to Erin’s. Bailey went inside for about 30 minutes. They came out. Bailey looked less cheerful. Slouching as she walked.

“Hey, Josh.” Erin smiled. I already knew she must have said something to make Bailey feel self-conscious. Half the reason being she was fine before going and getting Erin, and the other half because now Bailey was picking at the dress and looked super unsure about it.

“Sup,” I replied. I had the urge to snap at her but shoved it down. I wasn’t gonna make things worse. We arrived at prom, giving our tickets and walking in. We found everyone else by the table near the corner. Brendon and Dallon were dancing already. Both wore tuxes. I sat down by Hayley who was looking at her shoulder sadly.  

“What’s wrong Hales?” She turned so I could see. The words  **Jenna** etched into her skin. There was one Jenna at this school. I looked up and over to find her. She was wrapped around  _ my _ boyfriend. Tyler looked slightly uncomfortable from what I could see. He was kinda far away and it was dark besides the flashing lights. 

It kinda hurt to see Tyler with a date when he said he was just going with the team. Maybe it was last minute or something. I was starting to get jealous for no reason.

I sighed. I understood Tyler needed to fake a date, though. So people would think he’s straight and a perfect Christian. It made sense he went with a cheerleader. It made, even more, sense because it was the cheer captain. Yep, lots of sense. I glared daggers at Jenna. Every time Tyler made some kind of joke, she would giggle obnoxiously into her hand. I really wanted to go up, grab Tyler by the collar, kiss him, then turn to Jenna and give her a ‘yeah, that just happened’ look.

About half way through, Pete had come in. Patrick following behind. He skipped happily to the DJ, completely ignoring the DJ’s warnings and switching the song to ‘Never gonna give you up’ and danced very… obscenely. Thrusting his hips in circular motions and even dropping to a crouch and coming up pointing at an annoyed Patrick in the crowd. Hayley and I laughed. Brendon had joined in before Pete was chased out by security. Patrick just followed like it was perfectly normal. Brendon hid in the crowd of people from the teachers. He honestly just clung to Dallon. 

Prom last 2 more hours. That should be bearable, right? Nope. It sucked because Hayley was upset that Jenna was her soulmate and didn’t even know who she was, and my boyfriend was with another girl. They danced together. Tyler didn’t slow dance. He twitches and jerks around. He dances weird and quirky, not elegantly. He does NOT slow dance. Watching Jenna try to teach him was the most anger fueling thing I’ve ever experienced. 

First of all, she laughed at him. She also wouldn’t stop giggling. She didn’t praise or worship Tyler like he deserved. I can treat him so much better than her. The last straw was pulled when she kissed him. Actually, there was one last straw and that was ripped right out when he kissed back. Holding her face and hips.

I couldn’t take it, so I left. I could care less if Tyler saw me leave. Hayley didn’t say anything. I walked out alone. I sat outside in the alleyway. I knew I was being irrational but I couldn’t help it. Tyler said he was going alone. He kissed back. It hurt to see that.

* * *

 

Tyler’s POV

Her lips were too soft. Not chapped. They tasted like lipstick. I hated it. I kept kissing, though. After a minute I pulled away. When I pulled away, I saw Josh walk out. He stomped out. I faked a smile at Jenna.

Jenna was nice. We’d been friends since we were kids, and our parents, well just my dad, forced us to go on dates and stuff. I knew Jenna didn’t actually like me. It was obvious. I just went with it, though.

I wanted Josh. It hurt, watching him walk out. I knew he was watching me and Jenna. I couldn’t do anything about it. I looked to Brendon, he saw Josh leave too. He saw I was hurt. 

“Um, Jenna, I need some air. Sorry, there’s just an odd number of people.” I had no idea how many people there was, but I doubt she would count so it was a good excuse.

“Do you want me to come with you?” She asked, no questioning my OCD.

“No, just give me five minutes, I’ll be back.” I faked another smiled. She nodded, kissed my cheek and walked over to her cheerleader friends. I walked outside. I looked for Josh. He needs to know I don’t like her like I love him. I loved Jenna in a friends way. I love Josh as a boyfriend. I wanna spend the rest of my life waking up with Josh in my arms and me in his muscular arms.

I found Josh in the alleyway. He just stood there. I came up and wrapped my arms around him.

“I’m sorry, Josh. I don’t love her like I love you. I promise.” He didn’t hug back. He pushed me away.

“Go be with your girlfriend Ty. I get it. Go.” He said so… numb? Emotionless? Cold? He walked off before I could get another word out. I stood there in shock. 

**“He doesn’t love you. He never did. You fucked up big time. You're. A . Failure. Could you be any more pathetic?”** Brendon was there after a while. Prom was over. Time for after prom parties. I listened to every word Blurry whispered. 

“Tyler, c’mon, you're coming to my house.” Brendon grabbed my shoulders. He directed me to his car. I got in. I felt numb. I wanted Josh. I want to smell his cologne and kiss his perfectly chapped, dry lips. I wanted to hold him and promise him the world. I wanted to give him the world.

**“Instead he’s stuck with someone who can’t even give him a toothbrush. Maybe he’s better off without you. You’ll have nothing to live for without him. Isn’t it tempting Tyler? The sweet release of all the stress and anxiety. Josh can find someone who can give him everything he ever wants. You're just in the way.”**

Brendon led me to his room. He forced me into his sweatpants and one of his shirts. They fit pretty well. Brendon paced around for a long time. Dallon arrives after a while and stayed with me in there. Bren left, he didn’t say where he was going. Brendon left me with Dallon. I looked at the ceiling. Dallon looked at me concerned. I would usually feel bad for making people worry, but I wanted Josh. Dallon didn’t say anything. He texted someone, probably Brendon. 

_ He’s the tear in my heart. He’s a butcher with a smile. Cut me farther. _

I needed to write that down. 

“Got any knives?” I asked, not really realizing I had just asked that. Dallon stood and pinned my arms down. He straddled me so I couldn’t move I didn’t even realize I was crying until my vision blurred with tears. I couldn’t hear him talking, but I knew he was.

* * *

 

Josh’s POV

Anger clouded my judgment. Why was I so angry? Jealousy. Then when Tyler was wrapping himself around me, I snapped. I left him there. He would just go back to Jenna, one day get married to her, have kids of their own, grow old together. I went home where I’ll spend the rest of my days knowing I wasn’t good enough for Tyler Joseph. King of the jocks. Perfect Christian.

I smoked a blunt before going inside, taking a bit of the edge off, but I was still so angry and jealous. Soon I just felt numb. I walked straight to my room, grumbling to my mom. She got the idea and didn’t push it.

I practically ripped the suit off. I changed into shorts, no shirt. I grabbed the drumsticks I got for Christmas and began to play. Getting lost in the beat I had created. I broke one of the sticks at one point after realizing I was doing a beat I had created for ‘We Don’t Believe What’s On Tv’. I just grabbed another and kept playing that same beat. I don’t know how long had passed. Long enough for prom to end and for Brendon to get to my house apparently.

“Josh! You ass hole get out here! Mother fucker!” He yelled. My mom scolded Brendon. He replied nicely that “Josh fucked up really bad and need to apologize before he gets a drumstick up his.” I don’t think my mom cared about that. Brendon practically broke my door down coming in. I kept drumming. He grabbed my drumsticks, smashing the crash cymbal, throwing the sticks aside and meeting my nose with his fist. I stood up after a minute, holding my bloody nose.

“You better come with me if you know what’s good for you Josh.” He was grabbing my hair. He seemed really pissed. I haven’t seen Brendon this mad since some kids picked on Bailey a few years ago. Brendon took all three down. Brendon was really good in a fight.

“Why? So I can apologize to Tyler?” I said coldly. “He doesn’t love me, you saw him kiss Jenna.” I crossed my arms. Nose still bleeding.

“You are the stupidest, most oblivious person I’ve met, Joshua Dun. You clearly haven’t seen the way he looks at you. Jesus, I am NOT letting some fucking girl ruin your happiness.” he grabbed my arm, dragging me down the stairs and outside. He was a lot stronger so I just went instead of fighting.

“And how am I supposed to apologize, huh? He’s probably making out with her at some prom after party.” I rolled my eyes. Brendon looked like he was gonna hit me again. He just shoved me in his car. My face really hurts now. Bren shoved napkins from old taco bell bags in my face for the bloody nose. We arrived at his house. He dragged me to his room. 

Dallon was sitting on Tyler, hold his arms down. Tyler was crying. I had the urge to punch Dallon, I had enough of people touching my Tyler. 

“He asked for knives and tried to make a break for the kitchen.” Brendon nodded. Ty had stopped struggling. Tears streamed down his face. 

“Jo-sh” Tyler cried. I sighed. Dallon got off him. I sat down criss cross, besides Tyler. Tyler just laid there, staring at the ceiling. “You don’t love me, do you?” He asked after a while.

“Tyler, I do love you.” Is all I said. I meant it, but my voice was cold still. I was still angry, but I wasn't at Tyler. More at myself. Brendon and Dallon stayed outside the room. “I understand if you love Jenna though.”

“Josh, no. No josh no. I love her like a friend. I love you. I love you. I love you.” Tyler turned his head, fresh tears streaming. He didn’t reach for me like I expected. He shied away instead like if he touched me I would yell at him. Probably because I had earlier.

“Come here, baby boy.” I still sounded cold and a bit heartless, but I opened my arms to him. He got up and sat on my lap, his legs wrapped around me. He buried his face in my shoulder. He somehow made himself smaller. I wrapped my arms around his waist pulling him towards me. I kissed his cheek and fell into a comfortable silence. 

“C-can I k-kiss you?” He stuttered out. He shook a little.

“You don’t have to ask, Lemon.” He pulled from the hug, to place a kiss to my lips. “Tyler, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have gotten jealous. I shouldn’t have doubted us. I’m sorry for doing that to you. I’m sorry you almost broke your clean streak.” He was about two months clean and I was so proud of that.

“S’okay, um… why are you bleeding and shirtless?” He giggled a little. I just scoffed. 

“Took my anger out on my drums. Brendon took his anger out on my face.” Tyler made an ‘o’ shape with his mouth. His eyebrows furrowed a little.

“I texted both of your moms! You two are spending the night here. You can have my room, just wash the sheets of you guys get down to it. I’ll be on the couch. Good night.” Bren yelled through the door. Tyler and I laughed about the bed sheet part. I lifted Tyler up, placing him on the bed. I kissed him as I hovered over him.

“We’re not actually gonna do anything in his bed right?” I laughed. I was suddenly super glad Brendon punched me in the face. I was an idiot to ever doubt Tyler like that. A complete idiot. I could have lost my soulmate because I’m a jealous piece of shit.

“Nah, just really wanted to kiss you.” I smiled. I rolled so I lay next to him. I grabbed his hips and pulled him against me. We spooned for a while before Tyler wiggled around to face me. He tilted his head up to kiss my jaw line.

“I wish I could give you the world, Joshua Dun.” He whispered with his face in my chest, probably not meaning for me to hear. 

“You are my world, Tyler Joseph, don’t ever forget that.” We fell asleep in each other’s arms, with me whispering sweet nothings. For once, I think Tyler truly believe my words.

I thought everything that had happened over, holding the broken boy in my arms. I’ve concluded I’m an idiot that’s afraid to lose Tyler, and Tyler was a broken boy that needed me. I’m never gonna let him go. 

Never gonna give him up. Never gonna let him down

 

Damn you, Pete. Damn you.

* * *

 

Tyler’s POV

I had Josh. I got  _ my _ Josh back. I was so close to losing him. I owe Brendon big time. Josh was holding onto me. 

_ He’s the tear in my heart, I’m alive, He’s the tear in my heart, I’m on fire. He’s the tear in my heart, take me higher than I’ve ever been.  _

I woke up with Josh’s arm slung over my back as I lay on my stomach, half on top of him. He stirred then opened his eyes just a little bit. 

“Hey, baby. You okay?” I just smiled. Sleepy Josh was probably the most adorable thing ever, like holy hell. He slurred his words, and his eyes were half closed. “I’ll take that as a yes? cmon, I owe Brendon breakfast or something.” He shifted a bit. 

“I’ll help.” I kissed him. I bounced up. He laughed, and my heart fluttered. “I owe him too. He took me here and made sure I wasn’t alone. Even if he stuck me with Dallon.” I laughed. Dallon was a really good guy, though. It was kinda fun to joke about him cause he could care less and he always made a smart comeback. 

“Okay, baby boy. Let’s make some ‘thank you for fixing our relationship’ pancakes and eggs.” My heart fluttered a second time. I blushed and followed Josh downstairs and into the kitchen. The pancakes smelled delicious. I kept sneaking chocolate chips while Josh wasn’t looking.

“Tyler, you're not as sneaky as you think you are. If you stick your hand in the chip bowl again, you will be punished.” He turned with a spatula in hand. I just smiled and moved my hand slowly towards the bowl. Josh gave me a stern look. The second I touched the chocolate chips, he attacked. His hands and fingers running up my sides. I started to laugh because I was a little too ticklish.

“Stop! No Joshie, please! I won’t do it again I swear!” I flipped around wiggling. He stopped tickling, pinning my hands above my head.

“Should've listened, Lemon.” He kissed my forehead. 

“Ew, not in my kitchen you horny teenagers! You all need Jesus!” Brendon exaggerated. Josh just got up and tended to the pancakes. I sat up from my laying position. My hair was sticking up at odd angles. So was Brendon’s hair.

“Like you don’t need Jesus any more than I do.” Josh joked. Brendon just smirked. A super tired and annoyed looking Dallon came into the kitchen. He sat on a stool. “Pancakes are done, eat up.” Josh grinned, giving everyone three pancakes.

“Um, Josh?” I said quietly, looking at my food. I hadn’t done my 500 yesterday or today yet, I shouldn’t be eating. Josh noticed the way I was looking at my stack of delicious looking pancakes. There were three pancakes. I haven’t taken my medication yet. My lip quivered

“C’mon Angel, eat for me?” He took off a pancake, making it two. He cut it down the middle, making it 4 semi-circles. I started to feel better. I mumbled a ‘thank you’ and took a bite. “Where’s Bailey?” Josh asked.

“Erin’s house. She spent the night I think.” Brendon shrugged. I dropped my fork, making it crash to the ground at the mention of Bailey being with Erin. I mumbled a ‘sorry’ and picked it up. 

I hate that Bailey was with Erin alone. I couldn’t say anything, though. I should say something. I need to say something. I stayed quiet.

“I don’t like Erin and Bailey being alone,” Josh said frowning. “Bailey was in a super good mood before we picked Erin up, she was super confident in her dress. It was amazing. Then she came back out, picking at the dress and looking at herself with disgust.” Josh stabbed his pancake.

“First of all, Bailey looked fucking  _ beautiful _ in that dress. Second of all, Erin can go fuck herself if she thinks different, and third, were going to go get her right now.” Brendon pretty much inhaled his pancakes and went out to his car. He waited for us. We finished quickly, I wanted to throw up every bite as soon as possible, but Bailey comes first.

We drove to Erin’s, Josh knew the way, and Brendon knocked on the door. Erin answered. She was smiling. Bailey appeared soon after. She limped slightly, no one had noticed but me. Bailey sat by me. She looked at me, with a pleading face. ‘Don’t tell them, please’. I just sighed and looked away. Brendon, Josh, and Dallon all joked around. I stayed fairly quiet. Bailey said nothing. 

“What happened to your leg?” I said quietly

“Fell down the stairs.” She shrugged.

“There’s a difference between falling and being pushed.” 

“Pushed.” She sighed. The thought that one day Erin is gonna land Bailey in the hospital crossed my mind. First, it was slapping, now pushing down stairs? I sighed. The boys continued joking around. We all went to Josh’s. My mom had texted me to come home so I was on my way after kissing Josh goodbye and waving to the others with a blush and smile. Prom had sucked thoroughly.

Jenna: We need to talk. Tyler, it’s important.

Sent: I’ll be home in a few minutes, come on over.

Jenna was already inside, joking with my parents. I waved hello. She kissed me on the cheek and we went to my room. My dad yelled to keep the door open. Jenna giggled. Her expression then turned to scared as we made it to my room.

“Tyler, um, do you have your mark?” I nodded slowly. “Would you hate me if I had a girls name.” She curled in on herself. 

“I have a guy’s name, it’s fine Jenna.” I smiled when she relaxed and hugged me. 

“Her name's Hayley, but I don’t know any Hayley’s.” I laughed. 

“You’re in luck, cause I do.” She smiled. She lifted her t-shirt sleeve.

“I told my parents, they didn’t care.” Jenna’s parents weren’t that strict. They were really nice and I didn’t. 

“My mom knows, but you know how my dad is.” She does know how my dad is, so she agreed. “Also, my soulmate is Josh… Josh Dun.” We talked for a long time after about Josh, and Hayley. Brendon texted the group chat and I was surprised by what Josh had suggested at first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like... Need to sleep... ugh... my eyes keep closing and crossing and this note is all of muscle memory. Okay bye.


	15. Spring Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spring Break planned by the one and only, Brendon Urie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My cat keeps cuddling my knee and Idk what to do. Lmao. 
> 
> Also, I'm gonna be kinda busy tomorrow but I'll try my best to update

Josh POV

Everyone had gone home, that’s when Brendon decided to spill the beans on our spring break plan. We did something every spring break, but Brendon always planned it. He texted the group chat we had made for the pizza meeting thing.

_ Brendonewithhisshit: Okay guys, here's the spring break plan. Biggest one yet, so sit tf down and read _

_ Brendonewithhisshit: Plan is: ROAD TRIP. Invited include; Me, Dallon, Josh, Tyler, Bailey, Erin. We leave next Monday morning, stay 4 nights at some cheap motel, come back Thursday night. We’re going to the beach bitches! Also cause I’m a genius that takes EVERYTHING into consideration, we need to invite two more people for Tyler (So that it’s 8 people). Who be the two? _

_ Sent: Tyler you should invite Jenna. _

_ Tyler: Okay, she and I can go. Who else is going? _

_ Sent: I’m inviting Hayley, has Jenna said anything to you? _

_ Tyler: Yeah, she told about her ‘Hayley’ mark when I got home. Jenna’s excited to meet her. _

_ Tyler has added ‘Unknown’ _

_ Unknown: Hey, it’s Jenna _

_ Bailey: Momma and Papa Dun said Josh and I can go _

_ Brendonewithhisshit: This is gonna be lit _

_ Tyler: Thanks for the consideration, Bren. _

_ Brendonwithisshit: No problemo.  _

_ Erin: I can go _

_ Josh added ‘Hayley’ _

_ Hayley: Whassup losers. _

_ Brendonewithhisshit: Read above _

_ Hayley: I can go  _

_ Dallon: I’m good to go _

_ Brendonewithhisshit: This is gonna be fucking awesome. _

**Brendon is the literal best.** He fixed a broken relationship by punching some sense into me. He’s taking us on a road trip. I get to see a shirtless Tyler. Probably share a bed with Tyler. He took Tyler’s mental illness into consideration. He always takes our medical conditions into consideration. We’d probably go do some fucking crazy shit if Bailey didn’t have scoliosis and spondylosis. 

Brendon can be an ass sometimes, but he’s one of the greatest friends to have. I loved that guy.

**Time skip to the morning they leave cause I’m super lazy**

“Josh! Wake up!” Bailey was pulling my arm. I groaned. “C’mon, we have to be at Brendon’s by 10. You haven’t even packed!”

“Neither have you.” I groaned.

“That’s the point, let’s go!” She had successfully pulled me out of bed. I packed easily, but Bailey was running around, practically screeching. “Have you seen my swim suit?” She was throwing things out of the closet. “Nevermind!” I laughed. She finally was done, and she grabbed her guilele. I texted Tyler to bring his ukulele, he was a little shy about it but he came around when I told him Bailey was bringing her guilele and harmonica. 

Bailey and Brendon are gonna have a harmonica battle and it’s gonna make my ears bleed. It happened every time they both had a harmonica. We made it to Brendon’s house. He was loading the back of the bus thing.

“Where did you get a freaking bus?” I asked. It looked like those smaller school busses.

“My grandpa was a bus driver, now he has no use for it. He let me borrow it.”

“Dude you painted it rainbow!” Bailey laughed. I was gonna make a gay joke. Probably because he painted it rainbow because he's super gay.

“I don’t wanna look like I’m driving a school bus!” He pouted. Dallon came out carrying some suitcases.

“Babe no offense but it is a school bus.” Dallon laughed. Bailey offered to take a case and help Brendon. Bren glared at her.

“Bailey, I love you, but if you lift one of those suit cases, I will kick your ass.” He threatened. 

“I am not a fragile piece of glass Bren! My back isn’t gonna snap in half,” She pouted.

“You are my fragile ginger child and momma bear Beebo will not hesitate to use my bear claws.” Bailey huffed in fake defeat. Brendon was struggling with fitting some stuff in the back of the bus. “Your doctor said no heavy lifting and... I intend to listen to him!” Bailey rolled her eyes. Tyler showed a little while later, Jenna was with him. I felt a pang of jealousy, but cursed myself for it because I won’t let what happened, happen again.

I don’t know what would happen if I ever lost Tyler. It’s like I need him.

I really hope he needs me too.

“When’s Hayley gonna be here?” Jenna asked. She seemed nervous and I knew exactly how she was feeling. She was feeling as nervous as I did when Tyler took me for coffee seven months ago. I'd say being friends for 4 months before actually dating was taking it slow. Eh, who am I kidding? I'm an angsty, horny teenage boy. 

“Soon!” Brendon yelled while struggling to fit things in the rainbow van. Bailey went to help, but Brendon growled at her. 

Hayley arrived about 30 minutes later. She didn’t have much, and her bright yellow hair was pulled into a bun and shining brightly. Jenna and Hayley looked at each other for a while. Pretty much checking each other out. It was super awkward for everyone else. 

They started talking after a while, mostly about why Hayley dyed her hair yellow. We finally all piled in the bus. Tyler next to me. I leaned forward, towards Hayley and put her bright yellow hair on top of my red hair.

“Bailey, Ty, what do you think? Should I go yellow next?” I asked as Brendon began to pull onto the highway. 

“Dude, I’m just gonna use the highlighter liquid from a highlighter to do it.” Bailey laughed. 

“Well, teachers always say to highlight the important stuff” Tyler smiled.

“NICE ONE BUT MAKE ONE MORE OF THOSE, JOSEPH, AND I’M TURNING THIS GAY BUS AROUND!” Brendon yelled. “Now someone play some music! This damn bus doesn’t have a radio!” Tyler and Bailey got out their instruments. Bailey started strumming, and Tyler immediately recognized it and played. I don’t know where Tyler’s sudden spark of confidence came from, but it came and...

“WHY DO YOU FILL ME UP!” Tyler screamed and sang somehow. Bailey laughed and joined in. Tyler didn’t seem to care one bit. My heart fluttered because Tyler was just so… beautiful? Amazing? My entire life? Ugh, the things I would do for him.

“FILL ME UP!” Bailey sang. They both strummed their string instruments in unison. It was great and I started to pat the seats in a rhythm that matched the song.

“BUTTERCUP BABY JUST TO LET ME DOWN” Half the bus sang as bad as they could.

“LET ME DOWN!” My half of the bus sang just as bad. Even Brendon pretended to voice crack. 

“AND WORSE OF ALL! YOU NEVER CALL BABY WHEN YOU SAY YOU WILL,” We continued this for a long time. Playing different songs. Some old ones, some new. 

“DON’T STOP BELIEVIN!” Everyone sang, even me. I couldn’t sing well but no one payed any attention. This lasted almost the whole 7 hour drive. Sometimes we just rapped. Brendon and Dallon switched seats and that began the harmonica war. We called a tie and both Brendon and Bailey glared at each other the remainder of the time. Erin didn’t seem to enjoy the road trip, she sang and all that, but she didn’t get into it like everyone else. Bailey wasn’t sitting next to Erin. 

We checked into the hotel about 7 pm. 

“All the girls are sharing, Tyler and Josh are sharing, and Dally and I are sharing.” Brendon explained, handing everyone their keys.

“Brendon, why did we only get three rooms?” Tyler asks. I kinda had an idea but waited for Beebo to express his.

“One, Dallon and I are gonna need jesus in the morning.” Bren winked. I made the gaging motion. “Second of all, you two deserve some alone time. Third, I don’t want Jenna and Hayley alone together already, it would be awkward. Fourth...” He went into a whisper. The girls were all talking, so they weren’t paying attention. “I don’t trust Erin alone with Bailey right now.” Tyler and I understood that. She’d been grumpy the entire bus ride here. 

“Okay, everyone to their assigned rooms. Then were getting taco bell. We’re spending all day tomorrow at the beach so get some sleep.” Brendon announced, looking at my insomniac of a boyfriend with a stern face. Tyler gave a thumbs up. 

My heart flipped a bit thinking of him as my boyfriend. It’s been like 3 months now, and it still makes me happy calling him my boyfriend. We went to our room. It was a cheap motel, smelled like smoke. I didn’t mind since I was pretty much a stoner. Tyler crinkle his nose. I almost squealed.

Wonder what Tyler’s like when he’s high. I laughed out loud. Tyler looked up from the bed with confusion. Pretty sure my heart did a backflip and my dick did twitch at the innocent face he gave me. His eyes slightly wider than usual, mouth slightly open. _Now’s not a good time to get a boner Josh, pull it together._ Think of your grandma or something.

“Josh?” He tilted his head slightly. I’m gonna die. He’s gonna kill me with his cuteness.  

“Shit.” He looked even more confused. I set my backpack down, while crashing my lips against Tyler’s. “You just looked really cute.” I said pulling away slightly. He blushed. 

“You look pretty hot right now. Not gonna lie.” He giggled. I couldn’t help it, I pinned his hands on the bed above his head. Leaving kisses down his neck. Tyler groaned when I bit on the muscle. 

“There it is” I smirked against his skin. 

“Josh, c’mon, pizza.” He laughed, then moaned again. “Josh, stop before I get to turned on. I’m wearing shorts man!” 

“One moment, Lemon.” I made my mark on his neck. Then I pulled away. He looked at me, pouting. “Now everyone will know you’re mine.” He giggled. Then stood in front of the mirror.

“I like it.” He smiled. His perfectly crooked grin making me melt. How did  _ I _ get lucky enough to have him?

We walked out and to Brallon’s room. Brendon answered, noticing Tyler’s hickey and laughing. Tyler blushed hard. His blush was so cute. I might actually have a heart attack. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been labeled an 'angsty teen' by my best friend. I'm feeling pretty angsty rn lol.


	16. Taco Bell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sexual references cause I can and I'm bored.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm tired but I'm not????

Tyler’s POV

JoSh Is FuCkInG hOt. Not kidding, leaving a hickey on me. I was his now, and everyone knew. I was so close to losing my cool and screaming or something. I was so excited, I didn’t even really care that Brendon laughed at it. The girls joined us a little later, Jenna was blushing and holding Hayley’s hand. It made me even happier to see that Hayley and Jenna were getting along.

Seeing Jenna blush because she was holding Hayley’s hand reminded me of Josh the first time I held his hand seven months ago.

“C’mon losers! Let’s get some taco bell already!” Brendon grabbed Josh’s and Dallon’s arms like a child trying to drag his parents somewhere. We left for taco bell. I hated the idea of going to taco bell, it was my favorite, but I can’t eat any of it. Someone will get hurt if I eat. No, stop thinking that way, Tyler. That’s only Blurryface talking. Don’t listen to him. 

“Okay, and since Bailey is a loser that doesn’t like taco bell...” Bren began.

“It’s not that I don’t like it! It just upsets my stomach” She defended. Erin remained quiet. I hate Erin with a passion now. She was hurting Bailey, who had gone through so much already. She didn’t need this human who takes her for granted. No one does. I should show Josh more appreciation. 

“Yeah yeah, whatever, anyway, we will just order you some nachos.” Bailey didn’t disagree. Everyone ordered, I ordered for Josh. He looked to me with his perfect grin. “Oh my god just kiss already, make it quick before I change my mind!” Brendon grumbled looking away and covering his eyes. He wasn’t one for public displays of affection. Josh turned my head to him, passionately kissing me. I couldn’t help but smile into the kiss. 

I heard the sound of the camera shutter and looked to see Hayley holding her phone up, looking at Bailey terrified. 

“Abort mission! Abort mission!” Bailey and Hayley flailed. Jenna giggled, and Hayley smiled wider. Josh just laughed. Then told them to send it to him and winked. I laughed.

“Um, don’t send it to me, sorry, my dad checks my phone,” I mumbled the last bit.

“Has he seen our messages?” Josh asked, taking a drink of his straight black coffee.

“No, I delete them, sorry,” I mumbled again.

“Oh no, I’m not mad or anything.” Josh clarified. Josh’s phone buzzed and we looked at the photo. “Dude that’s frickin’ sick!” Josh smiled. It was a good photo. The sunlight from the window provided a natural filter and made Josh’s hair stand out more.

“Tyler’s smile makes it better.” Bailey giggled. Erin glared, but Bailey didn’t notice.

I really wanted to slap Erin, but I can’t hit a girl unless she hits first. I don’t know if I can if she hit me anyway. Stupid morals.

“Yeah, his smile makes everything better,” Josh smirked. I hid my face in my hands, hiding my red face. I was smiling, though. I’ve never been this happy, and it was only the first 4 hours of the 5-day trip. 

“Excuse me while I throw up everything I’ve eaten in the last 48 hours.” Brendon joked. We continued talking and eating. Bailey’s phone suddenly went off. The name ‘Noah’ crossed the screen. Bailey squealed, showing Josh and excusing herself. She went outside. Erin looked ready to kill. She stood and walked out as well. Everyone looked to Josh to explain.

“Noah is Bailey’s older brother. He’s not very in touch, so it’s rare when he calls. He’s always too high on the hard stuff or too drunk to ever call her. He got into some bad stuff after their parents passed. She never gave up on him, though.” Everyone understood and continued with their conversation.

Bailey and Erin came back after a while. Bailey limped slightly. No one seemed noticed and my stomach dropped. Everyone continued with their conversation. Bailey joined in like nothing happened.

Josh rested his hand on my thigh after a while, moving it up slowly, farther and farther. I shot him a warning glance. He went higher. I squirmed, getting a little turned on. His hand rested on my crotch as I tried to carry a conversation with Dallon.

“MMMMMMM” I accidentally moaned when Josh applied pressure. Everyone looked at me. “Shit sorry, I just really like taco bell, and this cinnamon delight is delicious.” No one gave it a second thought. Josh burst into laughter at my cover up. I grabbed his hand, moving it so it rested on his own thigh instead of mine. I grabbed the table trying to think of my grandma or something. I felt something squishy beneath the table. It was gum and it was still on my fingers. I held a gag. “I’ll be back, I gotta pee.” I stood, swaying my hips as I walked, knowing full well that Josh was watching. I heard him get up too, and Brendon says something about using protection. 

“What do you think you were doing, baby boy?” He growled in my ear. There was no one else in the bathroom. I turned to face him.

“What about you mister?” I shot back. He bit his lip.

“Making sure the girl on the other side of the room know you were mine. She was eyeballing you the entire time.” I laughed. I hadn’t noticed any girl staring at me. 

“Well thank you for being a protective boyfriend.” I booped his nose smiling. “But you could have just held my hand or something.”

“Nah, I was a little horny.” I snorted. “What? You had that cinnamon cream stuff all over your mouth and I’m still a teenage boy that can’t control my dick.” I snorted.

“Just think about your grandma or something.” I stepped to the sink to wash my hands. I hadn’t even gone to the bathroom but that gum made me super uncomfortable. 

“I tried, but you moaned and I couldn’t help myself.” I shook my head, putting more soap into my hands, lathering, and rinsing. “Tyler?” I looked at him, still washing my hands.

“What’s up?” I asked, lathering my hands with more soap. 

“That’s the third time you’ve applied soap to your hands.” I rinsed again.

**“Wash again! Tyler, you're dirty. Wash it a fourth time. Fourth time's the charm. Wash!”** I shook my head violently. Josh reached to grab my hands. I jerked away, splashing water on Josh’s shirt. 

“Okay, I won’t touch you. Can you stop washing your hands?” I shook my head. Water and soap dripped from my hands. “How many more times do you need to wash?” I took a deep breath after realizing I had stopped. I turned the sink on, washing my hands off, applying soap again. Lather, rinse. 

“You good now?” I swayed but nodded. He held his hand out if I wanted to hold it. I shook my head no. 

**“Touch him, he dies. You’ll pass the disease, Tyler. You’ll kill him”** I gulped. 

“Okay, I won’t touch you. Can you speak? I need to hear you, Tyler.” Josh kept his distance but was close enough to provide some comfort.

“I’m okay. Let’s go back.” I stuttered and walked passed him quickly to the door. I paused, I can’t touch the door. Josh appeared next to me and opened it. I walked through and he followed behind. He pulled the chair out with his foot. I smiled at him. He made this so much easier. After a while of just sitting, I decided that touching Josh was not going to kill him. I did not have a disease. 

I grabbed his hand, he smiled. He wasn’t dying. Point for me, none for Blurry. We went back to the cheap motel. We said our goodnights and went to our rooms. Josh sat on the bed, letting me decide if I wanted to stay away or be next to him. I decided to be by him, but not close enough to touch. 

“Feeling better?” I nodded slowly. “Do you wanna talk about it?”  
“Talking is hard,” I stated. Looking at my hands. Those three words took a lot to get out.

“Okay, how about I talk and you nod your head yes or no.” I nodded. He smiled. He shifted, I flinched, but he sat cross-legged in front of me. I mirrored him. “Okay, the first question, do you know why you started washing your hands four times?” I nodded yes.

“Was it because you touched something?” I thought for a second, then nodded yes again. I had grabbed the table, my hand touched some chewed gum stuck under the table. “Can you give me a hint as to what you touched?” I dramatically chewed my cheek. Then I took my hand, pressing my thumb and middle finger together. I pulled them away slowly and back together again. 

“Was it gum under the table?” I nodded. “Did you take your medication today? I’m not mad if you didn’t, please just be honest.” I shook my head. I hadn’t taken them since last night, about 24 hours ago. “Did you bring your medication.” I nodded. I wouldn’t have if my mom didn’t put it in my bag. Josh stood, opening my bag and pulling out the medication. He poured two out and handed them to me. I swallowed them dry, not letting Josh get me a cup of water. I was already a burden to him.  

“Tell me when you're ready, okay? If you get uncomfortable, tell me.” I nodded. The medication worked fast considering I was so thin. He held his hand out. I took it and he led me onto the bed. “Do you want to cuddle, or are you not ready for that.”

**“You're infected Tyler, you're gonna give it to him.”** I frowned. Then snapped.

“I am not infected! I will not give Josh a disease. I am clean.” I tensed as I realized I had said that out loud. Josh didn’t look at me like I was crazy, though. I frowned more because of how calm he was.

“Tyler, if it helps to say it out loud, I don’t mind,” He looked sincere. “Did it help?” I nodded. 

“Good. Cuddles?” He asked. I couldn’t say no to him. I nodded, he crawled under the covers. I shuffled under and closer to Josh. He cautious wrapped an arm around my torso. I didn’t flinch. He pulled me closer. I breathed in his scent. His heart rate was fast but slowed after a while. 

“Josh,” I managed. “Thank you.”

“No problem, anytime Ty, anytime.” He was half asleep. I watched and waited until he fell asleep. Then I too drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

I just really like Joshua William Dun. I just really hope he feels the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay but Tyler getting the white creamy stuff on his face and Josh thinking it in a different way and just uses the excuse that he's a teenager is grEaT oKaY bYe.


	17. The End of High School...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so bad at endings. I'm so sorry!

I woke at about 3 in the morning. I couldn’t tell why, but something was wrong. Josh wasn’t beside me. I stood up. Josh was on the ground. He was twitching and fidgeting. His eyes screwed shut. Tears escaped anyway. He was whispering words too.

Josh wasn’t beside me. I stood up. Josh was on the ground. He was twitching and fidgeting. His eyes screwed shut. Hands shaking and holding onto his shirt. Tears escaped anyway. He was whispering words too.

“Tyler”, “Please” and “no”. I grabbed his shoulders, gently shaking him from his sleep.

“Please don’t leave me!” He yelled, gasping for air. Eyes wide and full of fear. He put his hands on my face. He then flipped me on my back, ripping my shirt off. I was a little frightened, but Josh was hyperventilating and I had a slight idea what his dream was about. He ran his hands up and down my chest. He finally calmed down after seeing that there was nothing there anymore. I put my shirt back on, and he clung to me. I shifted us onto the bed.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He mumbled. He looked so small and fragile.

“Josh, it’s okay, I’m here with you. Do you wanna talk about it?” He took a deep breath.

“Yeah, um, a nightmare.” I nodded, waiting for him to calm down a little more before talking again. “You were getting hurt, I couldn’t tell who it was, but you were bleeding and I was trapped in a glass box. I couldn’t break the glass to get out. I slammed into it over and over. You kept screaming. I finally got out somehow and you just laid there.”

“Hey, look at me.” I cupped his face, his eyes meeting mine. I kissed him. His perfect c chord lips desperately kissing back. I pulled away. “I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere. It was just a nightmare, and nightmares don’t come true. Dreams do, and our dream is to play together, so let's do that one day, okay?”

I guess he does need me as much as I need him. I hope it stays that way.

“I love you.” He just replied, pulling me into him. He went back to being the big spoon. I felt small but protected when we cuddled. 

“Love you too, Joshie Bear.” I kissed his neck, giggling.

“Let’s get some sleep, Tyger.” I laughed a little too loud at the pun. He smiled his tiger teeth with his kitten squint mocha eyes. We laid down. I cuddled up to him. He fell asleep first, then I did.

 

* * *

 

 

“DEAR JESUS WAKE THE FUCK UP!” I groaned, rolling on my side. Brendon stood glaring at Josh. I look to Josh who was holding me against him, he was flipping Brendon off. I laughed. “C’mon, we're going to the beach.” I didn't laugh then. Going to the beach meant being shirtless in front of all my friends. 

**“They're gonna be so grossed out, it's kind of hilarious. You're so fat. You should have never eaten that Taco Bell, or ever ate at all.”**

I looked to Brendon. He was pouting like a little kid. Josh pulled away, leaving me a little cold. I shivered. Josh took notice and took his hoodie off, handing it to me. I smiled and took it. Brendon rolled his eyes and left with a “hurry up and meet us in the lobby when you're done fucking”.

“Did you pack any swim trunks?” Josh asked stretching. I nodded. He smiled, I'm not sure why he did. I must have looked confused because he explained. “Sorry, you just look really cute with your hair all fluffy and messed up, and in my hoodie that's two sizes too big.” I smiled, hiding my teeth.

I got up and grabbed my suitcase. I dug through it until I got out my swim trunks. I turned to see Josh turned away. Without pants or underwear. He had a really nice butt, not gonna lie. I giggled. He put on swim trunks and turned with an eyebrow raised.

“You have a nice butt,” I said blushing. He threw his head back a little, his eyes squinting and tongue poking out slightly between his beautifully white teeth.

I bit my cheek, not knowing if I had to change in front of him or if I could go to the bathroom. 

“You can change in the bathroom if you don't want to change in front of me. I don't want to pressure you into anything,” He needs to stop reading my mind cause it was a little scary now.

“Why are you so good to me?” I asked getting up.

“Cause you're really fuckin cute. Now go change baby, Brendon's waiting.” He gave my lips a quick peck before retrieving something from his bag. I could feel him stare as I shuffled into the bathroom.

I slipped on my swim trunks. They were just red. I poked my stomach and frowned. I looked disgusting. I grabbed Josh's hoodie. I'll just stay in the sand or go a little in the water so I don't have to take his hoodie off.

It smelled like Josh and I'm not gonna lie, it was super comforting. 

“Ready?” Josh asked as I came out. He looked slightly disappointed for some reason. I nodded. “Alright, let's go.” He held his hand out for me to take. I took it. Josh's scent helped calm my nerves some more.

We met an impatient Brendon and a smiling Dallon. The girls came out a bit after. I looked to Bailey knowing how insecure she was now because of Erin. It made me angry that Bailey thought of herself so negatively. She was drop dead gorgeous, but Erin was too stupid to realize that. 

Bailey wore a t-shirt and shorts over her bikini. She looked uncomfortable just wearing shorts. Okay yeah, she's super pale because she's a ginger and can't tan. She burns and goes back to pale. Erin wore her bikini that revealed way too much. It barely covers anything. It was disgusting. 

I smiled a little thinking of a shirtless Josh because even though I've seen him shirtless plenty of times, I'm still a teenage boy in love. Then the thought of having to be shirtless around him scared me, though.

It was different before when he would check my scars. He looked for about a second and only lift my shirt up, never off. Now he would see me completely. Dread set in quickly.

We all left the motel, heading to the beach that was a short walk away. Brendon skipped and bounced around. His light and happy mood kept everyone awake, except for Erin who looked bored and uninterested. Bailey tried to get her to talk, but Erin ignored her.

Bailey could do so much better, it was painful to see her soulmate ignore and hurt her. Josh was skateboarding, doing stunts and tricks that made me nervous. If he falls, I won't have band aids for him.

“Josh! Be careful!” I called out to him.

“I got it, Tyler! Don't worry, Lemon!” Josh called back, doing some weird flip with his skateboard. Bailey laughed, giving up on Erin and joining Josh on her own skateboard.

“He’ll be fine Ty, he’s only fallen once this year.” Bailey did another flip thing with her skateboard.

“Yeah and that's when I fell for Tyler, so that doesn't count!” Josh yelled. Brendon just called us losers and Dallon kissed him to shut him up. Brendon kissed back, then glared at Dallon. Dall just winked.

We made it to the beach after another five minutes. Josh and Brendon ripped their shirts off right away. Josh's muscles weren't super defined but you could see the outline easily. This made it entirely worse because I was nothing like that. I’m fat, no muscle. Josh was pure muscle. I kept his hoodie on. Dallon took his shirt off after a while.

I looked to Bailey. She kept her shirt and shorts on. Erin’s swimsuit shows way too much. Erin paid no mind to Bailey, she just walked off. When I saw what… no, who she was walking towards, I felt anger well up. Josh took notice of my glare and followed it. Erin was now sitting on a shirtless guys lap, smiling and being served drinks. Josh looked angrier than I’ve ever seen. Instead of confronting Erin, Josh simply walked over to Bailey, looked right at a staring Erin, and pressed his lips to Bailey’s.

Brendon could be heard laughing in the distance.

Now I was seriously confused as Bailey kissed back. My heart stopped almost completely. Then I realized it was to get Erin to do something. Erin walked right up to Josh. It looked as though he let her punch him in the jaw. Lots of people were starting to stare now. Josh grabbed her wrist. Bailey looked at the sand, pushing it around with her sandals. Josh pinned her to the ground, he didn't punch or physically harm her, just held her down.

“Now you know how it feels don't you?” Josh spit harshly, his face about 4 inches away from hers. “Next time I won't be so nice.” He got up, going to Bailey before Erin could make her do anything. I felt guilty, not sure why. I just did. I also felt incredibly self-conscious because Josh was this perfect person and I was… this. (A/N: Do you know how painful that was to write. Ugh).

He grabbed her hand, dragging her away. I walked away, not sure where I was going. I just wanted to be alone. I walked for a long time into the city. Not sure where I was going really. I found a bathroom in some restaurant.

Soon came a soft knock on the stall door. I already knew it was Josh.

* * *

 

Josh’s POV

I had a ton of pent up anger, but hitting Erin wouldn't solve anything, so I kissed Bailey. I was going to drag Bailey to Brendon before Erin could take her, but I saw Tyler speed walking away. I yelled for Brendon and ran after Tyler. He pulled my hoodie over his head. I stayed a few paces away, seeing where he could be going when he has no idea where anything is.

He took a right into a taco bell we had gone to last night. The woman at the front looked suspicious but pointed him to the bathrooms. I followed after. He went into a stall and locked it. I took a deep breath and knocked lightly in case I startle him.

“Tyler? Baby, I can explain. I was only trying to help Erin realize how amazing Bailey is. I still love you, I’m sorry.” The door unlocked, he peeked out before grabbing my arm and pulling me in. He locked the door, then stood there staring. I put my hand on his shoulder a little harder than I intended. He didn't flinch or move.

He seemed out of it. HIs eyes staring at my face, but not really seeing me. I touched his face, nothing. I snapped my fingers. Absolutely nothing, not a twitch of his eyes. I sighed, leaning forward and pressing my lips to his. His lips felt much better than Bailey's. His lips were a little chapped and rougher.

He didn't respond. My heart hammered in my chest. Why wasn't he responding? He looked too far into his head. I pressed my lips back to his, placing my hand over the crotch of his swim trunks. He moved with me a little when I applied a bit of pressure. I know Tyler's boundaries and I wasn't going passed them. We both agreed to wait till college, and anything before that is up to Tyler. I cupped his face with my free hand. “Tyler?” I whispered between kisses. He hummed. I placed my hand on his chest. “What's on your mind, baby?”

He leaned into me. I sighed, not mad at Tyler for not talking, just a little frustrated. I could tell what was wrong almost instantly after I had kissed Bailey.

“Are you feeling self-conscious?” He hummed. “Tyler, I could care less about how you look. You're perfect in my eyes and if anyone else says anything, I’ll protect you. Get out of that pretty little mind of yours and focus on me” I said, attempting to help him relax. He nodded. His shoulders dropped a little. I held his hips. “Do you think you're ready to head back, Lemon?” I pushed his fluffy hair back. It was soft. He pulled away and nodded.

“Tyler, you have to speak. Speak to me. Just a word, c’mon. You can do it. One word to let me know you're okay.”

“Jo-sh.” He forced. It looked painful. I smiled. He smiled back. It was forced, but something. His breathing leveled out. I held my hand out for him to take. He shook his head. This was a regular thing. Sometimes he didn't want to be touched because… Well,  I’m guessing it's his OCD, so I hold my hand out for him to decide. Now that he was out of his head more, he could decide what he needed. I just needed to get him out of his loud mind.

“Alright, do you want me to get the doors?” He nodded. Tyler had a thing with not wanting to touch doors he's not used to. Then I realized that Tyler always opened car doors for me. He puts his fear of door handles because he thinks he’s protecting me. My heart melted and ached a little.

I would do anything for Tyler, no matter how stupid. So I opened the stall door and the door on the way out of taco bell. I stopped and asked for a cup of water before leaving, ignoring my anxiety because Tyler needs water. They handed me a water bottle and I flung some money awkwardly.

“You didn't have to do that. Your anxiety, Jo-sh?” Tyler's eyebrows furrowed. Even though he was in such a fragile state, he was still worried about me.

“It's nothing, Baby, not when I need to take care of you.” I smiled. He took the water cautiously.

“I care about you, Josh.” He looked extremely serious. He took a slow sip. For some reason, this felt more real than any I love you’s or kisses. In his fragile state of mind, he still cares.

“Tyler... I care about you too.” I nodded, as serious as I can. He smiled without any teeth. It wasn't as forced this time.

We walked out of Taco Bell, the cashier waving.

The words ‘I care about you, Josh’ rung through my head. Any ‘I love you’s’ didn’t mean as much as those words because he still managed to tell me in such a fragile and broken state.

* * *

 

Tyler’s POV

**“Don't step on the line. Two steps a square Tyler. You stepped on a crack, you IDIOT. Can you do anything right? Walk straighter. Only step on the white. Hold on the to railings! Skip that step it's bad. DON'T STEP ON THE LINE.”** I winced. **“Keep walking. Grab the rail! STOP TOUCHING THE CRACKS!”** I jerked slightly. **“Worthless piece of shit. Walk straighter, stupid! Don't step on the drains. ONLY WALK ON THE WHITE PAINT OR JOSH WILL DIE. YOU WANT HIM TO DIE?!”** I flinched.

* * *

 

Josh’s POV

It hurt. It hurt to see how fragile Tyler was. I couldn’t touch him, though, he might have a breakdown. He explained that to me once. I could only watch as he avoided every crack in the concrete. Only stepped an even number of times in each square of pavement. How he grips the rails tightly when walking down any steps. How when we crossed the street he would always step on every white rectangle. How he avoided drains at all cost. How he placed one foot directly in front of the other. How his small body would jerk if he thought he did something wrong. It hurt badly.

I’m not gonna lie, though, it was super cute. How his tongue poked out in concentration. How he smiled when he did things right for a while. I didn’t say anything in fear it would upset him somehow. He continued doing his little hops and skips for a while as we walked around the city. I finally got him and I back to the beach safely.

Bailey and Brendon were trying extremely hard to dunk Dallon in the water. After a little bit, Hayley and Jenna joined the fight. Erin helped a bit, and I felt a little accomplished. Maybe she’ll whip into shape. Tyler had slowly calmed down. He wasn’t doing the compulsions his brain urged him to do as often as before. He did something that surprised me. He pulled down the hoodie sleeve so it covered his hand.

He held it out for me to take. I took his covered hand cautiously. He panicked slightly but calmed a second after. Pride swelled in my chest for the boy battling one of the toughest battles. The battle against your own mind. The thing that knows you, inside and out. The thing that knows what exactly to think or say to make you crack. I was so, so proud of him for fighting.

“Feeling any better?” I asked. I waited for a nod.

“Yeah.” He smiled. I smiled wider. I wasn’t quite expecting a verbal response. More pride engulfed me. He needs to know how proud I was. So I decided to tell him.

“I’m so proud of you, Tyler, not many people can do this every day and still go on.” His no teeth smile wavered. Then he took his hand back. I panicked in fear that I crossed some line. His teeth showed soon after, a bright crooked smile plastered his beautiful face. He leaned in, wrapping his arms around my torso.

“You help.” Those two words brought tears to my eyes. (A/N: actual tears came in my eyes wtf). I blinked them away. I wrapped my arms around him.

“Do you wanna try swimming? Or do you wanna get ice cream?” I asked slowly. He hesitated. He looked so much better now. Color had returned to his face. The dark circles became less prominent.

“Ice cream, then swimming.” I smiled. Swimming was a big step for him, in my opinion. We walked together to the parked ice cream truck that wasn’t far from the beach. I fidgeted and I’m sure Tyler noticed. He grabbed my hand with his own bare hand. No sleeve this time. I was proud to call him my boyfriend. “I can order for you, Josh. It’s no trouble. What do you want?” He asked.

“Um, mint chocolate cone?” He nodded and ordered what I asked for. He ordered vanilla. We ate on a bench. I talked most of the time until we finished. “Okay, I can swim for a while with the others, and you can join in whenever you want to.” He nodded and pushed me slightly towards the ocean.

“FUCKING LOSER!” I heard Hayley yelled at Dallon as he was finally dunked under. I laughed, running to help the soaked Dallon. “Dude put up a fight, holy shit,” Hayley said hands on her knees and out of breath. Dallon glared at Brendon who had a shit eating grin on his face.

“Is Tyler coming in?” Brendon asked while jumping on Dallon’s back.

“Yeah, might be a while, though. He’s super insecure about his body, although he shouldn’t be. Bailey, you remember me in middle school right?”

“Yeah, you were so chubby! It was adorable!” I laughed. We weren’t friends with Bren then, he was a jock. He was a nice jock, he talked to everyone like a friend. We messed around more. Erin wasn’t grumpy anymore and was flirting with Bailey again. Everything was looking good. Now spring break looked more promising.

“Hey.” I heard someone squeak behind me. I turned around after splashing Jenna. Tyler stood there.

“Shit baby boy, you look hot,” I smirked. Tyler’s arms were crossed over his chest. He blushed. “Cmon, Lemon, we gotta splash Jenna. She’s being a little brat.” I cheered jokingly. He grinned with his teeth. I love his smile, even if he was insecure about it, I still love it. He dropped his arms.

His chest is fricken cute. Not gonna lie, I did stare at his beautiful body as he ran after Jenna. I couldn’t imagine why Tyler was so insecure about his cute ass. Well, I meant body but he has a pretty cute ass too. He was so perfect in an imperfect way. Like all his imperfections just made him perfect.

Jenna squealed and hid behind Hayley. It was super cute. I’m glad Jenna accepted herself because she looked happy with Hayley.  

* * *

 

Tyler’s POV

After watching Josh hang with the other’s, I decided that none of them really cared what each other looked like, why would I be the exception? I took off Josh’s hoodie, the sun hitting my skin warmly. I walked to the water, putting my feet in until I was ankle deep. Josh was 15 feet out. He was chasing after Jenna who Hayley had blamed after splashing Josh. I was glad they were getting along.

I walked closer and closer to Josh until I was in earshot. I tried to say hey but it came out as a small squeak. I had my arms crossed over my chest. Josh turned. His jaw dropped a little. My face heated as he spoke. I smiled with my crooked teeth, not caring at the moment. He explained that we needed to splash Jenna and both ran/swam after her. She hid behind Hayley at one point and it was the cutest gesture ever.

Hayley tried to defend her soulmate against Josh. Josh was too strong, though, he knocked both girls over. He turned to me, looking for approval. I cheered and gave him thumbs up. His smile twisted into a devilish grin as he stalked towards me. I attempted to hold my ground, but Josh was really strong. I dragged him down with, though.

We both ended up underwater and I decided to pull a percabeth (A/N: From the Percy Jackson series, I’m a loser. Sue me.) and pressed my lips to his while we were submerged in water. We came up a little it after. Both of us panting hard.

“You're so dead.” I grinned at him. Then lunged, knocking us both over. “I win,” I said simply as we came back up. He scoffed.

“Whatever you say, Lemon.” He kissed my forehead.

The rest of the day was spent in the water, getting Italian food, and watching the sunset. I kept Josh’s hoodie on whenever we weren’t in the water. Josh didn’t seem to mind. Blurry didn't bother me either. It was nice to be alive, instead of constantly being in fear of him. Josh helps.

I didn’t know when I was going to tell Josh about Blurry. He would think I’m crazy. I can’t tell him, I decided. 

We made it back to the hotel at 8.

“Wanna go down to the pool, or go get snacks from the gas station across the street?” Josh asked, casually not looking at me but digging through his suitcase. I shifted uncomfortably. The room wasn’t right. It was bad. The bed wasn’t made right. The curtains were off centered. The painting on the wall was crooked. Josh looked up when I didn’t reply. “Or we can stay in here. What’s wrong?” My eyes darted around the room. “Okay hey, we can fix it. Cmon,” He held his hand out. I took it.

“The painting,” I stated like it was obvious. He looked at the painting. He didn’t see what was wrong with it.

“Do you wanna move it?” I shook my head. “Do you want me to move it?” I nodded. We moved to it and he pushed it so it was now straighter. I gave a thumbs up.

“I’ll make the bed. They did it wrong.” I stated. I let go of Josh’s hand and started on the bed.

“Did you forget to take your medicine, Lemon?” I didn’t forget. I remembered. I just didn’t want to. So I didn’t. I shook my head. He grabbed my pills and handed me two. I took them, dry swallowing them like last time. The medicine worked quickly, and we left the curtains like they were.

It was nice having Josh take care of me. Usually, I didn’t take care of myself unless my mom said something. I cuddled into Josh as he started a movie. It was a scary movie. I cuddled into him more every time there was a jump scare. He held me tighter when I clutched his shirt in my hands.

The movie ended and with a happy, content sigh from Josh, we both laid there.

“I care a lot about you, Josh, more than you know,” I whispered when I was sure he was asleep. I guess he wasn't

“I care a lot about you too, Tyler Joseph, more than you will ever know or understand.” He pulled me closer. Every worry washed away. All I could think was

‘Josh’.

* * *

 

Bailey’s POV

I was cuddling Erin on our bed. Hayley and Jenna both shared a bed, but only held hands. I didn’t blame them for not wanting to rush things. Erin turned to me and whispered.

“I’m sorry Bailey. For everything. All of it. I shouldn’t have done all those awful things. I was afraid to lose you and I know that’s a stupid excuse for what I’ve done, but please, don't leave me.” My heart broke a little for my girlfriend.

“Erin, I love you. I won't leave you... okay?” She nodded and pulled me closer. We fell asleep whispering sweet nothings.

“I love you too,” She said before I drifted into sleep.

* * *

**Brendon’s** POV

Everything was okay now. I’d like to say I did all of it, but it’s not entirely true. Josh was the one to whip Erin into shape. Josh was the one who calmed Bailey during panic attacks. Josh was the one who cared for everyone. Sometimes it feels like no one really wants me around. I sighed.

Sometimes I just wish I didn’t have them, they’d be happier without me, right?

“Everything okay?” I heard Dallon ask as he stepped out of the shower. I sat up and grinned. It took more effort this time to get out of my thoughts.

“Everythings great, now that my incredibly sexy boyfriend only has a towel on.” I piped up, masking my doubts and worries. I was frighteningly good at hiding things. Sometimes it scared me, but it was okay. No one cared anyway.

“Yeah, who just took a shower and doesn’t want to have to take another because my short boyfriend is horny.” I laughed. He changed into sweatpants and laid on the bed. I rolled over and laid on his chest with a huge grin. “What?”

“I just really like your face. It’s all… cute.” He laughed. We cuddled together for a while. Dallon being the big spoon. “I think I love you, Dal,” I stated, not looking into his eyes. Fear of rejection and all that.

“I’d hoped so, considering I’m falling pretty fast and pretty hard.” I smiled. He pulled my closer. I was falling fast and hard too. Asleep I mean. I was falling asleep fast. Yeah.

* * *

 

Josh’s POV

The rest of spring break we spent at the beach, or bowling, or eating junk food, or messing around. Everything was okay again. Erin was nice to Bailey, and there were no limping around, or covered bruises anymore. Tyler’s mental health improved with my constant reminding and help. I was proud of him. I was proud to call him mine.

We had a conversation one night about our future. He said that once they got to college, they can be as openly gay as they wanted because his father wouldn’t be there. I was okay with waiting the rest of the school year, and summer. I told him about the music school and Tyler decided to tell his dad that he was going to that college, on a piano scholarship. Not a basketball one.

Our future was looking promising. Brendon and Bailey were already planning on that college and I don’t know where I would go if Brendon went there and Bailey went somewhere else.

 

Spring break ended almost too quickly, and we headed back to Columbus.

Then school ended too quickly.

Then summer started.

And now summer's ending.

Now college begins.

And all I can think is...

 

**‘Oh Shit’**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THAT'S NOT THE END END I SWEAR.
> 
> I'm gonna make a sequel if you guys want it. So comment if you want the sequel. I'll make it if anyone wants it. 
> 
> I'm so bad at endings, though... I'm sorry!


End file.
